‘Spy Kids: Armageddon’ Review (Netflix)
Stars: Zachary Levi, Gina Rodriguez, Billy Magnussen, Connor Esterson, Everly Carganilla | Written by Robert Rodriguez, Racer Rodriguez | Directed by Robert Rodriguez
Writer/director Robert Rodriguez returns to the Spy Kids well after a 12-year hiatus, with an all-new spy family but an all-too-familiar story. I say all-too-familiar as Spy Kids: Armageddon essentially retreads the same plot as the original film – two kids, Tony (Connor Esterson) and Patty (Everly Carganilla), grow up completely oblivious to the fact their parents, Terrence Tango (Zachary Levi) and Nora Torrez (Gina Rodriguez), are spies working for the OSS. Like I said, familiar, right?
Of course, there comes a day that the kids find out their parents are spies – the day their dad Terrence’s “Armageddon Code,” a code that lets him hack into any place, any device etc., is stolen by evil game developer Rey “The King” Kingston (Billy Magnussen) and he uses it to gamify the planet – leaving the Tango-Torrez’s to team up and save the world. Because, you know, only kids can play video games.
Spy Kids: Armageddon is, apparently, a reboot of the franchise, with an all-new family of spies leading a new series of Spy Kids movies. Which the fourth entry was too of sorts – though that film, unlike this new iteration, also referenced the previous movies, with cameos from Juni and Carmen from the original films. And whilst this IS a reboot for kids too young to remember the first four films. For those who’ve seen the original films Spy Kids: Armageddon pales in comparison. In fact, this fifth entry in the series feels like someone ripping off Rodriguez’s films rather than an official entry from the creator of the franchise!
Speaking of whom, Rodriguez co-wrote this entry with his now grown-up son Racer, who’s also credited with co-writing 2005’s The Adventures Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D with his father and it’s clear that whilst this film reboots the franchise, why they chose to retread the third film in the series, Game Over – which also touched on video gaming – when video games look better than some of the visual effects in this film, is the million dollar question! And speaking of the third video-game-inspired film, THAT movie’s conclusion, whilst looking more primitive than this film, was tons more fun!
That applies to more than just the story though. For those older than the kids this film is aimed at (and stars), the grown-up cast aren’t as charismatic as those that came before, especially parents Gina Rodriguez and Zachary Levi (who are no Carla Gugino or Antonio Banderas); nor is our villain as gloriously deranged as those who came before him either, with Billy Magnussen playing Kingston with a real blandness, even more so when you compare him to the likes of Alan Cumming and even Sly Stallone in the aforementioned third film, Spy Kid 3-D: Game Over. But then the world has changed since then and perhaps my values differ from the kids who will eat this film up (which is clearly the case when you hear Patty explain how she would’ve dealt with a previous bad guy WITHOUT VIOLENCE).
Unfortunately, unlike We Can Be Heroes, which introduced a new cast of teenage superheroes and also worked as a sequel to Sharkboy and Lavagirl as well, blending the old with the new to create a true “family” film, only kids will really appreciate the simplistic nature of this new movie. Everyone else should just go back and watch the original trilogy.
** 2/5
Spy Kids: Armageddon is streaming on Netflix now.
