‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (July 28th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Alex Jones is a crazy prick. We’ve got a super-sized 12 match extravaganza that has FTR competing, in addition to several notable others. Pizzagate was bullsh*t and this show starts…when-ever you play the video on YouTube.
Match #1: FTR def. The Initiative
My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – FTR and the team of Avalon and Cutler had a nice romp around the block that was never able to quite reach its potential, but it was still hearty wrestling action and that’s always welcome.
Match #2: Joey Janela and Sonny Kiss def. Michael Nakazawa and Pineapple Pete (Sugar Dunkerton/Suge D)
My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was a bizarre match with a lot of Kiss/Nakazawa chaos with oil and asses, but the wrestling was crisp and unique.
Match #3: Abadon def. Skyler Moore
My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – Abadon ate Moore alive in a squash that might end-up on a fetish site somewhere soon.
Match #4: Dark Order def. Shawn Dean and Will Hobbs
My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was a potato and a half, which is what my face looks like. If you like watching two teams go through the motions with the fury of Sally Struthers at “Weight Watchers”, then this match might just Ruffles your Lay’s.
Match #5: Scorpio Sky def. Corey Hollis
My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – A very fine little match that had all its ducks in a row and managed to crack off enough shots to down a few of them before the bullets ran out.
Match #6: Penelope Ford def. Kenzie Paige
My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This was solid mechanically, but it lacked the juice to turn the engine over and that kept the ol’ bucket of bolts from firing-up that engine and hauling ass down the highway. Ford looked better than before and Paige played her part well, so that adds up to a passable bout.
Match #7: Wardlow def. Aaron Solow
My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – Wardlow squashed poor Solow like Kathleen Kennedy squashed Han Solo with the sequel trilogy.
Match #8: Dark Order (Alex Reynolds and John Silver) def. Best Friends
My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – There is some nice, fluid wrestling here to make the whole thing easy to watch, like Ethan Hawke’s d*ck. I liked Best Friends here and felt like they really had a good showing in this match.
Match #9: Lance Archer def. Frankie Thomas
My Opinion: 2.1 out of 5 – This was yet another squash on a show filled with them…AND IT’S DRIVING ME INSAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!!
Match #10: Orange Cassidy def. Serpentico
My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was fun, but it was way too short, like my ding-ding.
Match #11: Sammy Guevara def. Fuego Del Sol
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a great showing for Sammy, who looked very aggressive and direct, like his rape comments about Sasha Banks from 2016 (that’s a freaky thing for him to say about some-one…ever). If you like hard-hitting lucha action, than you might just go ape-shit for this brisk, even brutal bout.
Match #12: (Main Event) Santana and Ortiz def. Private Party
My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was a meaty main event with Santana & Ortiz performing well, but still missing that spark that they had in Impact Wrestling. Private Party didn’t take the p*ss and these whiz kids didn’t bleed the lizard urine all day, which made things easier for watching here. If you like high-spots and brawling, then you’ll go goo-goo Lady Gaga (Oh no you don’t!) for this decent climax to a decent show.
Final Verdict: 3/5
This was more satisfying as a two hour show than a one hour one, because we had time for a lot more wrestling and story-line advancement. One hour shows cut out just as things are getting interesting, so this two hour version of Dark just feels like a better way to go.
