02nd Nov2020

‘WWE NXT: Halloween Havoc’ Review (Oct 28th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Greetings, you pathetic maggots! “Smart” Mark D. Mark here to piss all over the return of the biggest abortion in wrestling, Halloween Havoc. NXT has brought us the return of yet another shit-show from World Championship Wrestling’s moronic past and I will not play along, ladies and gentlemen! Nathan Favel, the prissy little putz who normally writes these trite angulars, is a bit too busy crying over his mother’s grave, which is a coffee can, courtesy of him being a poor, pathetic loser, just like his mom and just like you weak people. I kid! I enjoy filling in for Nathan, who is actually quite busy slitting his wrists or baking cookies or some-thing like that. Halloween Havoc was the red-headed stepchild of WCW Pay Per Views back in its day, with its spinning wheel of random stipulation matches and dollar store stage set. Aren’t you thrilled to be back in the pro wrestling bargain bin, folks? Let’s limp our asses to the barn and read the note attached to Nathan’s noose…I mean…NXT starts now…heh heh.

Match #1: Johnny Gargano def. Damian Priest – Devil’s Playground Match For The NXT North American Championship

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As much as Johnny Gargano loathes wheels, The Wheel proved to be his best friend at NXT Halloween Havoc. Competing in a Devil’s Playground Match with no count-outs, no disqualifications, falls count anywhere and anything goes, Johnny Wrestling found himself shellshocked in the early going as Damian Priest dominated, dealing Gargano a significant blow when he struck his foot with his trusty nightstick. But the rules ultimately worked in Gargano’s favor. A man in a robe and a mask emerged with a lead pipe to attack Priest before handing Gargano a tombstone, which he smashed over Priest. The blow sent The Archer of Infamy flying off the stage, making Gargano’s second North American Championship almost academic.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – Well, we can’t all be great, can we? I kid! They can’t… The Italian and The Catholic got sacrilegious and had a Satan Shop match, which felt like a trip to Hollywood during mating season/pilot season. Don’t expect much in the way of technical prowess here, but the brawl was vigorous. The finish is two-fold, one of stupidity and zero intelligence. Who would ever let the dink from Scream near them long enough to even see his dumb face, let alone get hit by it? Priest was working his ass towards actually getting over, but he lost to Gargano in spectacular fashion, which is what most actors say when Robert DeNiro hits them with his car. You’ll have a lot of fun with this, but you probably enjoyed watching slasher movies as a kid, which is what most dip-shits do when they can’t make friends. I can go for another brawl between these two, but I’d rather skip the Halloween bull and do something that won’t make me feel like a horny teen who gets off on Jason movies more than scoring with a woman.

Match #2: Santos Escobar def. Jake Atlas

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Jake Atlas was ready to fight not only Santos Escobar, but all of Legado del Fantasma if he had to, taking out both Joaquin Wilde and Raul Mendoza with a spectacular tope con giro. But he wasn’t ready for Mendoza donning what appeared to be a loaded lucha mask to blast him with a vicious headbutt, allowing Escobar to easily put him away.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – Three minutes…that’ll put asses in seats. Well, at least the three minutes were fun and fast.

Match #3: Dexter Lumis def. Cameron Grimes – Haunted House of Terror Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Cameron Grimes quickly came to regret his recent attacks on Dexter Lumis before the Haunted House of Terror Match, offering to even forfeit to NXT General Manager William Regal. But Regal didn’t oblige, ordering him to take a seedy van transport to an unknown location where NXT’s Tortured Artist unleashed unimaginable horrors on The Technical Savage. Grimes evaded a variety of ghouls and Lumis himself before fleeing back to the Capitol Wrestling Center. Once back in the arena, Grimes had nowhere to run from Lumis and a horde of zombies, and Lumis put him to sleep with Silence.

My Opinion: 0 out of 5 – Cinematic wrestling bullsh*t. No wrestling…no action. Shoot them. Shoot them both.

Match #4: Rhea Ripley def. Raquel González

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

With tensions simmering for weeks, Rhea Ripley and Raquel González finally squared off in a highly intense battle. Both Superstars appeared stunned, experiencing the unfamiliar situation of not being able to physically overpower their opponent. The Nightmare eventually dropped González with the Riptide, however, picking up an impressive victory.

My Opinion: 3.8 out of 5 – Now this was good. I think the broads had bigger balls than the men tonight. Rhea has a swagger to her that just makes her dangerous, unlike Charlotte Flair. Hard-hitting…that’s the name of the game with this one. Livin’ La Vida Loca…that’s what Raquel’s thighs have got me doing. What’s that? Nathan would never bring sex into this? Well, I’m not a pussy! So much of this was them countering each other’s power moves, which is a sight I haven’t seen in a while. How is it that the women fought better than the men? What clitoral magic is at work here? Rhea won after a long period of taking heavy damage and I felt like me and my cousin were back in the field during the family reunion all over again. The right fighter won and that one has a lot of potential.

Match #5: (Main Event) Io Shirai def. Candice LeRae – Tables, Ladders And Scares Match For The NXT Women’s Championship

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Io Shirai made a jaw-dropping entrance to the ring as Poppy performed “Scary Mask,” setting the stage for an epic encounter. With The Wheel landing on Tables, Ladders and Scares, both Superstars made ample use of the instruments available, with Shirai even hitting The Poison Pixie with a stray limb at one point. The Genius of the Sky dominated much of the bout, throwing a chair at LeRae’s face, pinning her head against the steps with a Meteora, though LeRae got even with a gigantic swinging neckbreaker off the apron through two tables. But for a second time in the evening, an unknown assailant appeared in a robe and mask, attempting to help LeRae climb her way to victory. Halloween Havoc host Shotzi Blackheart joined the fray, upending the interference and clearing the way for Shirai to launch LeRae from a ladder through another ladder on the outside of the ring and grab her title.

My Opinion: 4 out of 5 – They didn’t use the ladder as much as I assumed they would, but this was a smart fight to the finish that didn’t slut-up the joint. Candice should have gone over but at least the champ is actually interesting, so I don’t have to put my crotch sock away yet. Where did the bookers get the idea to put these two in a TLC match? I’m a bit surprised that this worked so well, if only because I’ve never seen either work in a stipulation like this one before. Shotzi got involved in this, but we were already home free by the time we got there, so who cares. Candice took so much punishment here, which is what I always picture happening when I’m thinking of her during my oil bath. You get some brawling, some grappling and some big stunts at the end that were earned, un-like the poor’s right to make money (back of the line, chodes), so shut-up and enjoy a great main event.

News Of The Night:

  1. Pete Dunne joined with Pat McAfee, Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch to assault Kyle O’Reilly as the start of a new faction.

Final Verdict: 3.7/5

The dumb and the stupid collided with the bold and the great and we got…Waterworld? That felt too much like a Nathan joke for my refined taste. The Italian Chumpioses should have taken both of the straps here, but such is the passage of time. The Green Twit didn’t bumble her way through the card, so that’s something to be praised. I liked this overall, so call your parents and tell them you have a hot date on Halloween, because they deserve a night where they can pretend you were never born. Well dick-splints…adios!


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