08th Oct2021

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Oct 7th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we’re getting closer to Bound For Glory. David Carradine: I am a great actor! Woody Guthrie: Who kung-fu’d their ass and their balls to their neck while hand-f–kin’ themselves?! You couldn’t sing s–t to save your life! Wanna know how I know Kill Bill?! You died! My son became famous for singin’ a song about a f–kin’ restaurant! I piss excellence and s–t greatness you wack-a-mole of a man! DC: I’m great! WG: Bull-s–t! The Carradines: We’re brothers! WG: F–k off, you f–kin’ buck-toothed, fur-burger, beaver mother-f–kers! BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!!!! Me: Holy s–t! You killed The Carradine family! They were the greatest actors in the world! Arlo Guthrie: Hey dad! I just finished licking your condoms clean! All ready for re-use! Me: Aw! Sweet! Do Alice’s Restaurant! AG: No! Me: Yes! AG: No! Me: Yes! AG: No! Me: Si! AG: Good mornin’ America! How are ya? Don’t you know me? I’m your native son! BANG! Me: I said Alice’s Restaurant! WG: My son! Nooooo!!!!!! BANG! Me: We are…Bound For Glory…in a few weeks! Let’s enjoy the card that Impact has brought us tonight. It’s wrrrrrrrrrrrrestlin’ ti…iiiiiiiiiiiime!!!!!!! Damn stairs! Ow! Oof! Ow! Oof! Who puts steps on stairs?! Ow! Oof! Ow! Oof! Impact starts… Ow! Oof! Ow! Oof!

[Author’s Note: Rich Swann and Moose, who were both accused of spousal abuse, are on this show and if that alarms or upsets you then viewer discretion is advised].

BEFORE THE IMPACT

Match #1: (Main Event) Laredo Kid def. Matthew Rehwoldt

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Laredo gains the early advantage with a tilt-a-whirl head scissors, sending Rehwoldt to the outside. Laredo dives through the ropes but Rehwoldt catches him in mid-air and connects with a neckbreaker on the floor. Rehwoldt hits a running uppercut in the corner for two. Laredo begins to build momentum with a springboard Moonsault, followed by two step-up twisting Moonsaults. Rehwoldt avoids his next attempt at aerial offense, following up with a fireman’s carry spinebuster for two. Both men are jockeying for position on the top rope when Laredo sends Rehwoldt flying with a Spanish Fly to win!

The Verdict – 7 out of 10

IMPACT WRESTLING

Match #1: Bullet Club (Chris Bey, Hikuleo & El Phantasmo) def. FinJuice (David Finlay & Juice Robinson) & Chris Sabin

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The war between Bullet Club and FinJuice continues, this time with the addition of two high-flying, highly-skilled athletes in El Phantasmo and Chris Sabin! The Good Brothers are seen watching the match from their hotel room as they prepare to defend the IMPACT World Tag Team Titles against either the Bullet Club or FinJuice at Bound For Glory. The Bullet Club begin to wear Juice down as they cut off the ring and prevent him from making the tag. Juice counters a vertical suplex from Hikuleo to create separation. Finlay tags himself in and quickens the pace, catching Bey in mid-air with a backbreaker. Sabin hits a double crossbody to Bey and Phantasmo, followed by a step-up DDT. Sabin, Finlay and Robinson soar through the air with triple dives to the floor. Hikuleo hits a massive Chokeslam on Sabin for a very close near fall. Hikuleo distracts the referee, allowing Phantasmo to go low on Sabin. Bey hits The Art of Finesse to win!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10

Match #2: Tasha Steelz, Savannah Evans & Mercedes Martinez def. Lady Frost, Brandi Lauren & Kimber Lee

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

We get a preview of things to come in this Saturday’s Knockouts Knockdown Tournament as Mercedes Martinez makes her IMPACT in-ring debut! Tasha hits Brandi with a running kick for two. Tasha and Savannah employ quick tags to continue the assault in the corner. Brandi begins to fight back, creating separation with a clothesline. Brandi makes the tag to her fellow Undead Bridesmaid, Kimber Lee, who goes on the attack. Tasha and Savannah refuse to tag in Martinez so she gets involved illegally and takes out Kimber with a double underhook suplex. Martinez goes for the pin but she’s not the legal competitor. Instead, Tasha rolls up Kimber to steal the victory from Martinez!

The Verdict: 4 out of 10

Match #3: Steve Maclin def. Petey Williams & Black Taurus – X-Division Title Tournament

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The tournament to crown a new X-Division Champion continues as these three men look to join Trey Miguel in the finals at Bound For Glory! Maclin jumpstarts the match by going after both of his opponents in the opening seconds. Taurus builds momentum with a Slingblade, followed by a pump-handle backbreaker. Petey hits Taurus with a dropkick to the back of the neck. Petey hits Maclin with a slingshot Hurricanrana on the floor. Maclin gains control with an Olympic Slam to Petey. Following a flurry of offense from Petey, Maclin counters the Canadian Destroyer but gets spiked with a DDT instead. Taurus soars through the air, hitting Petey with a step-up headbutt. Petey hits the Canadian Destroyer on Taurus but Maclin capitalizes with Mayhem For All to win!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10

Match #4: Rich Swann & Willie Mack def. The Learning Tree (Zicky Dice & Manny Lemons)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Zicky and Manny try to gain the early advantage by attacking them before the opening bell but Rich and Willie quickly turn the tide. Rich and Willie hit a double team bulldog on Zicky. Willie “squeezes the lemon” as he targets Manny’s chest in the corner. Rich and Willie make quick work of The Learning Tree, connecting with an elevated neckbreaker on Manny to win.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10

Match #5: (Main Event) Christian Cage & Josh Alexander def. Ace Austin & Madman Fulton

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Alexander hits Ace with a delayed vertical suplex. Fulton distracts Alexander from the apron, allowing Ace to gain the advantage with a superkick. Ace hits a pinpoint buzzsaw kick for two. Cage delivers a series of shots in the corner, followed by a reverse DDT. Fulton gets involved once again, providing Ace with another opportunity to take control. Fulton begins to wear Cage down, then cuts off the ring as Ace hits a superkick. Cage spears Ace in mid-air, allowing him to make the tag to Alexander. The speed and momentum are in Alexander’s favor as he picks Fulton up on his shoulders and slams him down to the mat. Alexander hits Fulton with one German suplex after the other but Fulton pulls him into the corner where he’s met with a springboard kick from Ace. Cage pushes Ace off the top rope, then sends Fulton crashing into the steel steps. Alexander hits Ace with the Chaos Theory suplex. Cage tags himself into the match and connects with the Killswitch to win!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10

Final Verdict: 6/10

By and large, this was a night of strong action, with a bit of wrestling now and then just to throw the younger viewers for a loop. Spots and stunts ruled the day and with some sense of style. Oh. Before we get too far in. Christopher Daniels challenged Christian Cage for the Impact World Title. It’s about f–kin’ time. How is it that both men work for AEW, yet the best thing to happen to either of their wrestling careers in nearly a decade is appearing in Impact for this latest run? They don’t feel like stars in AEW, but they do here. Go figure. In any case, we had some dynamic fighting for the large part. Consider the consistent action that was in the opener. Bullet Club already feels like a cohesive team. Bey has gotten a little pep in his step by being in the group and you can see that in how he performed in this bout. Quite frankly, everybody worked hard to catch your eye with their offense. It’s a shame that this burned through too many cool moments just to get to the next, but since the moments were worth seeing, I’ll hold off on the bitchening…for now. The women’s match was a quick sprint across the track that featured a new runner named Mercedes Martinez. If you like a little action packed in a small package, then the second match will be a favorite of yours. Steve Maclin got to beat both Black Taurus and Petey Williams, each of whom were fantastic here. It wasn’t a match of a lot of wrestling, but it was one that kept the fight going strong, like the mighty bear when his mighty old lady finds him in bed with her mighty sister. This adultery is juuuuuust right! As I buggered a ninety year old Cabbage Patch Kid named Norma Gubbyanagulmski (I come up with stupid names for NXT in exchange for shplong thongs), I was licking her liver spots clean of hair when I saw Petey just bump his way around the ring like Tiny Tim’s wife when he through her down the stairs because his pecker is small even when it’s not cold outside. Ed McMahon: Hiyo! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Me: Then, once we got to the Tree People fighting Rich Swann and Willie Mack, I was disapointed to see it go short…like Tiny Tim’s tiny pee-pee stick. Tooth-pick! As for the main event, it was by the numbers, but the numbers were in order and went high enough that you got to count for a while. The match was all about the World Champion and his Bound For Glory challenger sizing each other up while also building the idea that Josh Alexander could lose the title match at BFG, due to his impulsiveness. The BFG: I’m the Big Friendly Giant! Me: You’re a pervert! BANG! Everything about the main event went well, but it never really went to the next level to be a great bout all it’s own. I suppose you could say the same thing about the whole show, but at least…wait. We have a little more news. Heath tried to save Rhino’s soul and got whooped Eric Young for it. Savannah Evans, Jordynne Grace. Alisha Edwards and Kimber Lee fight in a Monster’s Ball match this Saturday at Knockouts Knockdown. As I was saying, this was a show about pushing other things, but the wrestling was good and fun and that’s better than nothing. I’ll see you next time.

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