‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (July 22nd 2021)

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I thought of a better name for Impact…Glory Wrestling Combat. F–k you! It’s good! You’d call it Glory for short and it’d be a great way to remake Impact in the same vein as PRIDE, Bellator or Pancrase. You already have Bound For Glory, so the biggest show of the year now has a luster to it that it arguably didn’t have before, because it is the only show that has the name of the promotion in it. Shut up! It is so a good idea…or not. Whatever. F–k you. We have…wait…I forgot to write my Slammiversary review. Here’s the score for each match:

• Decay (Havok and Rosemary) (with Black Taurus and Crazzy Steve) b. Fire ‘N Flava (Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz) – Impact Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match – 6 out of 10
• Josh Alexander b. Ace Austin, Chris Bey, Petey Williams, Rohit Raju and Trey Miguel Ultimate X Match For The Impact X Division Championship – 7 out of 10
• Matt Cardona and Chelsea Green b. Brian Myers (with Sam Beale) and Tenille Dashwood (with Kaleb with a K) – 6 out of 10
• W. Morrissey b. Eddie Edwards – 6 out of 10
• FinJuice (David Finlay and Juice Robinson) b. Madman Fulton and Shera – 4 out of 10
• Chris Sabin b. Moose – 8 out of 10
• The Good Brothers (Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson) b. Violent By Design (Joe Doering and Rhino) (c) (with Eric Young and Deaner), Rich Swann and Willie Mack, and Fallah Bahh and No Way – Four-Way Tag Team Match For The Impact World Tag Team Championship – 7 out of 10
• Deonna Purrazzo b. Thunder Rosa – Impact Knockout’s Championship Match – 7 out of 10
• Kenny Omega (with Don Callis) b. Sami Callihan – No Disqualification Match For The Impact World Championship – 8 out of 10

It wasn’t a bad show. The arrival of No Way (No Way Jose) Thunder Rosa and the return of Chelsea Green and Mickie James gave this show an extra kick before Jay White shook the pillars of Impact to end the show. I agree with Phil that it was much easier to enjoy this over a lot of the WWE shows. It was breezy and easy and when all else fails, you can at least set your heart on beating to the rhythm of a song that puts a good mood in you.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Okay. Enough of this yabbabashery. It’s time for this post-Slammiversary show to begin. Keir Dullea: Stanley Kubrick was a very prepared director, which allowed him a certain kind of comfort on set. Me: Show me that d–k!

Match #1: Chris Bey b. Rohit Raju (w/Shera)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rohit avoids a flying elbow from Bey, allowing him to capitalize with a modified backbreaker on the ropes. Rohit distacts the referee as Shera attacks him from ringside! Bey creates separation after Rohit crashes and burns with a running cannonball. Bey hits the Famouser, followed by a top rope clothesline for two. Rohit locks in the Crossface but Bey fights out and hits The Art of Finesse to win!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – Talk about a lot of banana in the oatmeal. This was good eatin’! Bey and Raju, which sounds like Polynesian spaghetti, had a strong, vibrant contest that looked real. That’s a compliment i don’t always get to give for X-Division bouts. These two really hit the right spot on the wife. Wife: Stop hitting me! Me: Shut up b–ch! A man is talking! Wife: You pig! Me: Ow! You hit me! I deserved it! Damn it! Wife: I want a name! Me: What?! Wife: I’m…Goifoyganhybensprushivenestiburattafattatat! Me: I’m ignoring this character. Bey and Raju, which probably tastes pretty good, never let-up on the throttle when it came to action. There’s so much in the first half to marvel over, but the second half was a bit slower and less ambitious. I can understand that, as they did so much to start, but maybe they should have saved the best for last. Still, this served as a hell of an opener and that’s the point of having this match in this part of the card in the first place.

Match #2: Jake Something/Matt Cardona/Chelsea Green b. Brian Myers/Sam Beale/Tenille Dashwood

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Cardona is on fire when Dashwood distracts him from the apron, allowing Myers to gain control. Myers hits a strong back suplex for two. Cardona counters a double team attempt from Myers and Beale into a double neckbreaker! Green tags in and goes on the attack. Green plants Dashwood face-first into the corner turnbuckle but Myers pulls her off the pin! Jake clotheslines Myers over the top rope to the floor. Kaleb With a K tries to get involved but Taylor Wilde returns and evens the odds! Green takes out Beale with the Unprettier to win.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – Snappy is the best description of this. It was short and to the point. It was also relatively safe as far as the action was concerned. Green was kept from harm before she got the fall off of Beale. All in all, there’s not much here, but what you get is simple and fun.

Match #3: FinJuice (David Finlay and Juice Robinson) b. Ace Austin and Madman Fulton

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Juice hits Ace with a delayed vertical suplex, followed by a leg drop from Finlay. Ace and Fulton turn the tide as they cut off the ring and wear Finlay down. Ace connects with his signature springboard kick but Finlay kicks out at two! Finlay takes out Fulton with a slingshot crossbody to the floor. In the ring, Juice pummels Ace with a series of closed fists. Juice stacks up Fulton to score the pin and the win!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – You get a good little tag match here that served as a fine showcase for what both teams could do. FinJuice make for fabulous natural babyfaces. They have a way of being very sympathetic while not appearing too weak when being beaten upon. There’s a nice, competitive bout here that won’t likely be remembered a week from now, but it was worth seeing once.

Match #4: (Main Event) Decay (Havok and Rosemary) b. Fire ‘N Flava (Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz) – Impact Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rosemary and Havok take control from the opening bell as Rosemary hits Kiera with a sidewalk slam. Tasha attempts a running bulldog but Havok counters by tossing her halfway across the ring! Kiera distracts Rosemary from the apron, allowing Tasha to capitalize. Tasha wears down Rosemary with a series of stiff shots to the neck. Tasha hits a modified Codebreaker out of the corner for two. Rosemary connects with a reverse neckbreaker on Kiera. Kiera inadvertently superkicks her own partner, leading to a match-winning spear from Rosemary!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – This was a continuation of the Slammiversary match in many ways. The action was functionally sound and never faltered. Both teams worked hard to make this fell urgent and radical. Decay would stop at nothing to retain and the same could virtually be said of Fire N’ Flava. There was plenty of good stuff here to enjoy. Decay retained and looked convincing doing so. Hey. A mild success is still a success.

Final Verdict: 6/10

On a night where Eddie Edwards brawled with W. Morrissey in a parking lot, Aiden English of WWE fame showed his new Drama King persona, Chris Bey was offered a spot in Bullet Club, Deonna Purrazzo accepted the invitation to defend the Knockouts Title at NWA: EmPowerrr, Moose got his rematch against Chris Sabin for next week and Jay White showed just how far he has come as a major star, we had decent wrestling. Decent wrestling is not dynamic wrestling or epic wrestling, but it is wrestling and that’s the point of this show. Maybe next week will bring something better, but at least this was fun while it lasted.