19th May2021

‘WWE NXT’ Review (May 18th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I’m in 1989 helping Brian Yuzna finish editing the gross f—kin’ movie “Society”. Brian Yuzna: Ending needs more shunting. Tongues become asses nailing taint. (wall explodes) David Cronenberg: I have heard through the weirdo filmmaker grapevine that you have bested me in the filming of sick, nasty footage that has artistic value but should probably be burned because it’s f—king gross. No one gets to do that but me! I shall take this footage and return to my lair of Canadianess where I shall edit these scenes into a picture starring a talking asshole. BY: No! My footage! DC: Ah! My footage. Men…blow the building ten seconds after we flee. BY: Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!! (building implodes) BY: N-N-N-N-Nathan…I’m dying. Me: No. No! BY: Get the footage back. Avenge me! KAGPH! KAGPH! Avenge…me! (Brian Yuzna dies) Me: I will. I will avenge you. I will kill David Cronenberg…and review NXT. We have a Steel Cage Match for the NXT North American Title! Yahoo! Oh…revenge!

Match #1: Toni Storm def. Zoey Stark

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The promising Zoey Stark dug even deeper into her already impressive repertoire, busting out a wide array of attacks to control most of the action. And while Stark shockingly kicked out following the Storm Zero, Toni Storm one-upped Stark, putting away her rival after a unique, previously unseen maneuver.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – This was a bruiser. Is that a good description? What I mean is that these guys clobbered each other like Ike on Tina. There’s so much in the way of swift, brutal strikes and dives that can be seen as visceral and as dangerous as they look. Storm accidentally put Stark on her head at one point, which was scary, but not as scary as my face during a b—w-job. David Cronenberg: So. You’ve come to my home to save your master’s film. That’s… (Cronenberg shot in head) Me: Yep. (guards fill the room) Eat s—t assholes. (guards are shot to death) This match was an excellent way to start the card. Well. Now that I’m alone here…hump party!

Match #2: Jake Atlas def. Cameron Grimes

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Everybody has a price for “The Million Dollar Man” — even the financially flush Cameron Grimes. Ted DiBiase strolled into the Capitol Wrestling Center, immediately incensing Grimes. DiBiase’s mere presence proved costly for The Technical Savage, and Jake Atlas surprised him with a unique pinning combination for the three-count.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – This was definitely what they call a sprint. Fast and furious was the speed this match thundered toward…just like how I’m humping this couch! Oh yeah! My crotch is so hard! Boner! Grimes sold like crazy for Atlas. I enjoyed that. I’m making love to a love seat! Ha! Atlas won and I’m happy about that.

Match #3: Killian Dain def. Alexander Wolfe

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Former SAnitY teammates finally locked horns, though Alexander Wolfe again seemed hesitant to use a chair on Killian Dain and paid dearly for it, getting pinned after a massive crossbody from The Beast of Belfast. But a far worse fate awaited Wolfe, as Imperium comrades Marcel Barthel & Fabian Aichner were not happy with Wolfe’s refusal to execute the plan, brutally assaulting him.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – This was short and to the point. Dain thrashed Wolfe and made an example of him. I’m about to make an example of this soap dispenser. Uh! I’m gonna pop my wad in this sucker! I hope nobody washes their hands with this thing late…errrrrr!!!!!! Whew! Oh. The match was decent.

Match #4: Legado del Fantasma def. Tommaso Ciampa/Timothy Thatcher

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The ruthless duo of Tommaso Ciampa & Timothy Thatcher dominated much of this bout behind their usual hard-hitting offense, but the presence of Grizzled Young Veterans at ringside proved to be the x-factor. Zack Gibson & James Drake attacked Ciampa on the outside, leaving him a sitting duck for Joaquin Wilde & Raul Mendoza’s enziguiri-legsweep combination.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – You get plenty of impactful action from both teams. There’s nothing here that prevents these guys from impressing in the time allotted, but the time allotted was not enough. Speaking of which, I’ve got the time to screw this faucet. Uh! I’m gonna pound this thing like Grandma! Oh yeah! The right team got the win and the losing team will survive the loss, so all is right with the c—ming!

Match #5: Sarray def. Aliyah

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Warrior of the Sun again turned heads as she was back in action, this time taking out Aliyah of The Robert Stone Brand. NXT’s boujee Superstar had no answer for Sarray’s massive dropkicks, and she met her end when she was folded up with a high-impact suplex.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – Not much happened here, but at least Sarray gave a nice performance. Sweet! A table! I’m gonna f—k that thing!

Match #6: Hit Row def. Tony Nese/Ariya Daivari

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After talking a big game last week, Hit Row backed up their words in the ring this week. The ultra-quick Ashante “Thee” Adonis and the 6-5, 330-pound Top Dolla proved to be an impressive team, and Top Dolla put away Daivari after a unique suplex into a slam.

The Verdict: 3 out of 10 – Tony Nese did cool flips and sold well for Top Dolla, who looked like a geek and did a double-power-lift on both Nese and Daivari.

Match #7: (Main Event) Bronson Reed def. Johnny Gargano – Steel Cage Match For The NXT North American Title

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The longest active title reign in NXT is over after a cage-shaking Tsunami. Bronson Reed had to earn every bit of his championship moment, with Austin Theory playing a constant distraction on the outside and even getting involved several times to prevent Reed from exiting the cage. Johnny Gargano pulled out all the stops to try to preserve his gold, using Reed’s leverage against him with a jaw-dropping powerbomb off the top rope as Reed was attempting to scale the cage. The champion also planted The Colossal Superstar with a devastating poison rana and a modified One Final Beat DDT, but it wasn’t enough to keep Reed down. Fighting off Theory, Reed slammed the cage door shut before flattening Gargano with the Tsunami for the title-clinching victory.

The Verdict: 8 out of 10 – This was the match of the show. How could it not be? This was a true Steel Cage Match through and through, with body bashing upon chain-link fence like a whale in the waves. A whale! Speaking of whales, Bronson is the size of one…and just as sexy. Gargano took a beating as well as he wrestled here, which was…tub! I’m gonna f—k that tub! I loved how somebody was always colliding with the cage. It definitely felt like a grudge match here and that’s what a good cage match should be. Plus, we got a title change in this prize fight! Reed finally gets something big for his WWE career and it’s about time. Oh yeah! My big fat c—k is plugging this shower drain like the stallion that I am! I…oh no! I’m being sucked down the drain! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Overall, this was a fantastic main event! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 7/10

While almost a one-match show, this was a solid and exciting event that was built around and delivered a great main event. It’s…hold on. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Where am I?! The Godfather: You’re in Italy. Have you brought any cake to me? Me: Ummmmm…no. TGF: You bastard. The show had enough strong wrestling in parts to be enjoyable, but the main event elevated this to another level. TGF: I like to pee in my mouth to quench my thirst. Me: Okay. That’s enough. I’ll see you next week.

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