03rd May2021

Friday Night Smackdown – Apr 30th 2021: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Friday Night Smackdown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we…what the… Randy Newman: Short People! Worthless muthafuggas! Short People! Stupid heads! Stupid eyes! Gotta punch ’em in they stupid…eyes! Short People! Me: Enough of your anti-midget rhetoric! RN: Wachoo gonna do, poo-poo head? Me: Not me…them. The Moody Blues: We are The Moody Blues. We beat the s–t out of people! RN: Oh f—… (The Beating) MB: Don’t s–t on midgets! Some Midgets: Thank you! MB: Look! Midgets! Beat the s–t out of them! Me: Huh. SmackDown has Daniel Bryan’s possible banishment from the show here, so get ready to bear witness to Roman/Bryan for the Universal Title. Midgets: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! MB: Come back here! We have to beat the s–t out of you! Me: I’ll save you! (Lifts up shirt) MB: Holy Asiago! This guy’s got tits! Let’s beat the s–t out of them! Me: SmackDown begins now.

Match #1: Bianca Belair and The Street Profits def. Bayley and Robert Roode/Dolph Ziggler

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

SmackDown Women’s Champion Bianca Belair & The Street Profits overcame Bayley & SmackDown Tag Team Champions Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode in a Six-Person Mixed Tag Team Match, putting on a clinic of tag team excellence that culminated with the earth-shattering Springboard Slash by Montez Ford.

The Score: 6 out of 10

Match #2: Natalya & Tamina def. Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Following a backstage sneak attack by Natalya & Tamina on The Queen of Spades and The Irresistible Force, the determined tag team scored a huge non-title victory over the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions. In their first tag team showdown against the titleholders since WrestleMania, Tamina hit the Superfly Splash to pin Shayna Baszler.

The Score: 6 out of 10

Match #3: Big E def. Apollo Crews – Intercontinental Title Match (DQ)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Moments after Big E hit the Big Ending on Apollo Crews, Commander Azeez prevented the title-changing pin fall when he pulled The Powerhouse of Positivity out of the ring and hurled him into the ring post to bring an abrupt end to the highly anticipated Intercontinental Title rematch. This soon brought Kevin Owens into the equation to get retribution from the beat down he suffered last week, until Sami Zayn entered the fray as well and ultimately helped create a numbers advantage that would leave both KO and the reengaging Big E on the canvas. When Zayn held onto the Intercontinental Title a little too long and attempted to befriend Crews and Azeez, the Intercontinental Champion’s royal bodyguard blasted him with the Nigerian Nail.

The Score: 6 out of 10

Match #4: (Main Event) Roman Reigns def. Daniel Bryan – Universal Title Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In an extremely hard-fought Universal Championship Match, Roman Reigns ultimately made Daniel Bryan pass out to the Guillotine to effectively bar The Leader of the “Yes!” Movement from SmackDown. In the wake of the heart-breaking loss, Reigns continued his brutal assault. This aggression brought Csaero to the rescue. But after Jey Uso emerged to stop the Swiss Superman and tied him in the ring ropes, The Head of the Table hit the departing Daniel Bryan with the vicious Con-Chair-to as Cesaro was forced to watch helplessly.

The Score: 9 out of 10

Final Verdict – 7/10

Are you still here? Why? What the hell’s wrong with you? F–k off! The main event was fabulous. What do you get when a bear grinds on a cream puff? …Friday night at Bruce Vilanche’s house. Bryan lost with skill and style to Roman, who is the mother of my children: Stoogy, Woogy, Voogy, Noogy, Steve, Koogy and Abortion, who is still alive! Damn it! Hey look…an airplane! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! (Goes on airplane and waves condiment squeezers atop his nipples) Look at me! I’m Benjamin Desrali! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Japanese Emperor, Mada Faka: You no Benjamin Desrali! Desrali graceful! Me: Ah! Don’t punch the face, sexy Asian wrinkle man! (Thrown off plane) Me: Anyway, Bryan and Roman had a great prize fight built on submissions. Just when it looked like Roman was going to win…BOOM! Like a punch to the groin! Love that Danhausen. I was erect when watching men. What’s so great about this match was that it didn’t suck. Don’t you hate it when things suck? There’s so much wrestling action here, but not aimless action. This was a match that told the possible end to the WWE story of…WWE story? Ewwwwww!!!!!!!!! I felt like a millennial saying that! Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!! Millennial: What’s wrong with us?! Me: Cell phone jokes! They’re not funny! Bryan went out of the WWE submitting to the current Universal Champion and it was a very effective, if quite depressing end to one of the great overall runs in WWE history. Also, other matches happened. Actually, these other matches were rather good for the time given. I wonder what cat jazz tastes like? God, I loved the main event, except for when taller, Samoanier Gilda Radner won the match. F–k Nolan Rains! This show had the kind of main event that needs to be booked all the time: a good one. Well, Daniel Bryan is gone and that means…Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Togaaaaaaaaaaaaa…’cuz you make me wanna shout! Lift my hands and shout! Lift my titties and shout! Come on now! Cum on them! Shout! Thanks for reading. Shout! I’ll see you next time. Shout!

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