15th Apr2021

‘WWE NXT’ Review (Apr 13th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this debut of NXT on Tuesday, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and your mother is a f–kin’ aardvark! We’ve got the fallout from the WWE’s last week of wrestling mayhem, so forgive Professor Numbnuts for going f–king crazy! WALALALALALALALALABUFFFFFGGGLALALALALALALA! Vince McMahon is driving me insane! Plus, I saw that picture of him in tennis shoes. Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!! Well, before I fall off my rocker, let’s review this show and all its poet laureate madness! Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and Ireland is ridiculous! My God! NXT! Hiya!

[Author’s Note: Austin Theory was accused of soliciting sex over the internet from a minor. Theory has not been proven guilty or innocent of these charges in a court of law. If you are alarmed or take offense to an accused man being present on this show, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: MSK def. Killian Dain and Drake Maverick – NXT Tag Title Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Perhaps surprisingly, Killian Dain & Drake Maverick controlled much of the action, continuing to showcase their improving chemistry. But MSK turned the tables with high-octane tandem offense, as well as an impressive, innovative corkscrew splash from Wes Lee on Dain. Lee and Nash Carter closed the books on their first title defense after planting Drake with a combination blockbuster. Afterward, Alexander Wolfe confronted his former ally Dain, but it proved to only be a smokescreen for a full-on Imperium ambush by Marcel Barthel and Fabian Aichner.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: This was direct and dynamic. Drake sold furiously for the Champions, who didn’t have as much weed with them as when they were in Impact. You get enough action to shake a baby at, which is always a good way to go to jail. There are moments in this match where Dain just clobbered the badoodle out of MSK and it gave me a chibby. I liked the pace set here by both teams. It was…transgoobazaganazant.
  • The Bad: There wasn’t as much wrestling here as I hoped there would be.
  • The Verdict: For a prize fight opening a show, this was alright.

Match #2: Mercedes Martinez def. Jessi Kamea

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After challenging Mercedes Martinez earlier in the day, Jessi Kamea looked fully prepared for the huge opportunity and dominated her more experienced foe early. It was only a matter of time until Martinez’s veteran savvy won out, though, as she dropped Kamea with an Air Raid Crash for the victory. Martinez wasn’t finished, however, as she slammed Robert Stone into the barricade until he handed over the money he owed Martinez in exchange for her teaming with Aliyah in a bout last month.

The Score: 2 out of 10

  • The Good: Tall.
  • The Bad: Squash.
  • The Verdict: Here are your hosts: Pat Sajak and Vanna White!

Match #3: KUSHIDA def. Santos Escobar – NXT Cruiserweight Title Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Santos Escobar may rue his decision to issue an open challenge, as NXT’s resident Time Splitter answered the call in a major way. The two battled in a a back-and-forth classic, with Escobar demonstrating his mean streak as he smashed Kushida head-first into the steel steps. Kushida fought back valiantly and scored a near-fall after connecting with a kimura superplex. The combatants eventually found themselves trading pinning combinations with Kushida eventually one-upping The Emperor of Lucha Libre for the massive title victory, leaving Escobar and the NXT Universe in shock.

The Score: 8 out of 10

  • The Good: Everything. Good God. These two knocked this summunabich out of the damn ball park! It hit the coach’s wind shield! Suck it! KUSHIDA was phenomenal in a performance that saw him return to his traditional style of wrestling. Santos was fantastic here, especially for a wrestler that just wrestled in a Ladder Match a few days ago. There’s plenty of lightning-quick strikes to dodge away from as you gaze at this fierce contest of sudden rivals. It will feel like you’re in the middle of the action. I felt almost invigorated watching this match…almost.
  • The Bad: Nobody gave me any popcorn.
  • The Verdict: What a great prize fight. These guys have got to fight again. King Cuerno fought KUSHIDA!

Match #4: Isaiah Swerve Scott def. Leon Ruff

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After being targeted by Leon Ruff from the outset in last week’s Gauntlet Eliminator, Isaiah ‘Swerve” Scott returned the favor by immediately taking the punishment to his rival. “Swerve” built off of his impressive performance at TakeOver, hanging Ruff out to dry on the top turnbuckle before spiking him with the JML Driver for the win. Ruff vowed their issue wasn’t over, however, showing an uncharacteristically vicious side as he ambushed “Swerve” backstage after the match.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: This was pretty brutal at times. It felt like a grudge match. Ruff had a fire in his belly that couldn’t be denied. You could practically smell the hatred on these two from the time the bell rang to open the contest. Are these goofy sports-sounding phrases doing it for you? Want some chicken necks? I really liked how Swerve played the role of bully here. It felt like Swerve always wanted to humiliate his foe as much as he wanted to beat him.
  • The Bad: There’s nothing really bad in here.
  • The Verdict: Not too shabby. I really enjoyed this match and felt like it gave enough to satisfy and entice for a few more bouts in this series.

Match #5: (Main Event) Bronson Reed, Dexter Lumis, Shotzi Blackheart and Ember Moon def. The Way

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In addition to pitting rivals against each other, this unique encounter also featured the smitten Indi Hartwell and Dexter Lumis. The other Superstars couldn’t separate the star-crossed admirers for long, despite repeated rebukes from Candice LeRae in particular. The in-ring action was chaotic from the opening bell with all eight competitors trading offense, including Ember Moon taking down Johnny Gargano with a beautiful tope suicida, as well as LeRae planting Lumis with a diving tornado DDT on the outside, seemingly scolding him for his involvement with Hartwell. Bronson Reed even used partner Shotzi Blackheart as a weapon at Blackheart’s request, launching her to the outside to take out the other competitors. Back in the ring, Lumis slapped Silence on Gargano, only for Hartwell to seemingly play dead to draw Lumis’ attention. Austin Theory blasted Lumis in the back as he appeared ready to lock lips with Hartwell, who was left upset that her plan was foiled. Not deterred for long, Hartwell tossed Theory — her own teammate — to the outside before again lying on the mat. Taking the bait, Lumis cradled Hartwell and exited the Capitol Wrestling Center with her in his arms. Moments later, Reed flattened Theory with the Tsunami splash to score a pinfall victory, ending one of the most unpredictable and strangest bouts in the history of the black-and-gold brand.

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: This was light, breezy fun, like when you let the hostage dangle out the escape hatch in the airplane as the f–ker starts to crash because the Air Force shot you down while they sent their best agent aboard and they jumped the gun n the take-down before the rescue. I want my fuel! I decide what happens to this ship, not the US government! I will take the plane to Kosovo, where General Maidir will be delivered to the docking bay of the plane! Anyway, The Way were very athletic the whole time. Austin was the bump man and played the role with passion. Johnny was like the ADHD kid at school playing football during 90 degree weather. It makes sense damn it! Candice purple-haired her way all through this match. Indi tried to hump Dexter I think. I know I did. Boner! The face team wrestled. Dumbasses. Don’t they know they can just hump Dexter the whole time and get paid the same amount as if they had wrestled? Work smart…not hard.
  • The Bad: There was far too much comedy here, especially with Indi Hartwell trying to get Dexter Lumis to f–k her the whole match.
  • The Verdict: If you can take a lot of humor with your wrestling, then this softcore porno will suit you nicely.

Final Verdict: 7/10

On a night where Rhea Ripley and Bianca Belair returned to celebrate with Raquel Gonzalez and Taya Valkryie debuted as Franky Monet, this was a show that really depended on the women to carry the load. Mercedes Martinez challenged every woman to a fight and Zoey Stark was positioned as a top prospect of the women’s division. Indi screwed over her own faction just so she could f–k Dexter Lumis. The only major news points with the men were Karrion Kross putting the roster on notice now that he is champion again and Roderick Strong leaving NXT. What does that say for a show that had KUSHIDA win the Cruiserweight Title? I’d call this episode a middle of the road trip down the highway that hasn’t quite got going yet, but the car is all filled up and we have some snacks and the radio finally works again. Maybe NXT will come together for the rest of the year or maybe it won’t. I don’t know. What I do know is that this show was the best and worst of what NXT has to offer and it was decent. Well, that’s enough out of me. I’ll see you next time.

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