30th Mar2021

‘WWE NXT: UK’ Review (Mar 25th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT UK review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Timmy dropped the soap. Now look at him! His butt hurts! Timmy: My butt hurts! Me: Timmy! Why does your God damn butt hurt? Timmy: Got f—ked up the butt! Me: Got f—ked up your butt? Timmy: Got f—ked up my butt! Me: Ain’t that the b—ch of it? Timmy was just takin’ a shower… Timmy: …in public! Me: …in public! Then, some evil muthafugga comes in and pounds that ass! Timmy: …’cuz I dropped the soap! Me: …’cuz he dropped the soap! Timmy just wanted to take a shower in public… Timmy: …while drowning my two year old daughter in the fountain! Me: …while killing his kid! Doncha see? You’ve got to…watch me kill this muthafukka dead. Timmy: Yeah! You’ve got to…what? (Timmy gets shot) Me: Nobody kills kids on my watch. As for the butt-f—kin’, let’s hear it for…Kenny G! Kenny G: Oh geez! Me: Thank you for poundin’ that ass, Kenny G! Kenny G: Oh geez! I sure do like asses! Oh geez! Me: Well, I’d like to thank you for helping take that muthafugga down…by blowin’ your God damn head off. Kenny G: Oh geez! (Kenny G gets shot) Me: NXT UK starts now.

Match #1: Joseph Conners def. Jack Starz

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Per the orders of NXT UK General Manager Johnny Saint, Piper Niven and Jinny were each barred from ringside for a high-octane collision between Jack Starz and Joseph Conners. Starz, who claimed what was arguably the biggest win of his career two weeks ago when he teamed with Niven for a Mixed Tag Team Match victory against Conners and Jinny, stormed out of the starting blocks by out-grappling his opponent and landing several stiff uppercuts to the jaw. Conners, however, struck back by spiking Starz with a DDT, telling him “your 15 minutes have just expired,” and earning the win with a hangman’s neckbreaker.

The Score: 5 out of 10

  • The Good: Conners and Starz clocked each other a bunch. You get some solid grappling now and then, with Starz bringing his usual flair for brisk offense to the party. There’s times where these guys really went for it and it paid off decently. I can’t tell you that this was dull stuff. I can tell you that this was quality wrestling action. I can also tell you that I ate a baseball. Gulp! Home run!
  • The Bad: Conners is still white paint on a picket fence drying, but so am I at…everything. These two didn’t quite mesh altogether. It felt like Starz was the only one who was interesting here. You could even say this was a one-man show, although that may be a bit too harsh against Conners.
  • The Verdict: For an opener, it functioned well and had a bit of life to it, but that wasn’t enough to take this match beyond just being what was needed to start the show officially.

Match #2: The Hunt def. Danny Jones and Josh Morrell

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Perhaps already the most ruthless and intimidating tandem in NXT UK, Primate and T-Bone hit the ground running against Josh Morrell and Danny Jones and never let up. And although Wild Boar has seemingly been booted out of faction, The Hunt never missed a beat, as T-Bone and Primate jelled seamlessly, using several powerful double-team maneuvers to leave their foes reeling. Primate added the exclamation point by landing a diving headbutt on Jones for the 1-2-3, much to the delight of a cackling Eddie Dennis.

The Score: 2 out of 10

  • The Good: The Hunt looked cool.
  • The Bad: This was a squash.
  • The Verdict: I like cheese. Oh, it was a squash. Yuck!

Match #3: Isla Dawn def. Aleah James

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Frustrated with being perceived as a steppingstone and fresh off a competitive loss to “The Best in the World” Meiko Satomura, Isla Dawn looked like a whole new competitor, wearing a scowl on her march to the ring and during a pre-match staredown with Aleah James. And if the NXT UK Universe had any suspicions about a change in demeanor for Dawn, they were confirmed when The White Witch booted James in the face and rained down right hands on her defenseless opponent. James nearly scored the surprise victory with a rollup, but that only seemed to enrage Dawn, who peppered her foe with a pair of Saito suplexes, a series of rights and lefts and a win-clinching German suplex.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Isla’s showcase bout turned out very well for her. James managed to perform adequately enough that she never felt out of place with our eventual winner.
  • The Bad: This also never felt like it was a big deal. Dawn’s victory may have been good for her career, but it would have been better if the match was longer and stronger.
  • The Verdict: Dawn took the win and made the most of it, but this was hardly the kind of match you remember next week. Well, you might, but not because these two were let off the leash. Dawn does have plenty of upside as a focal point going forward, so that’s an encouraging reason to give this a viewing.

Match #4: (Main Event) Ilja Dragunov def. Sam Gradwell – No Disqualification Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

An offhanded comment by Sam Gradwell, which occurred last week when he was berating Ilja Dragunov in the backstage area and running through the list of match types in which he could defeat his rival, seemed to instantly backfire when he mentioned a No Disqualification Match and Dragunov quickly agreed to the stipulation. The unhinged Dragunov threw a curveball early in the lawless bout, as he had an opportunity to batter Gradwell with a steel chair at ringside, only to toss it aside and instead boot his opponent in the face. Wrestling with his own self-control was something of a theme for Dragunov, who later passed on the chance to use the steel steps as a weapon when the fight once again spilled to ringside. Gradwell, who earned a disqualification win against Dragunov in their last encounter, seemed to take sick delight in brutalizing his foe, laughing maniacally after punching Dragunov off the apron and sending him face-first into the ringside barricade. Dragunov finally lost control when Gradwell struck him with a chop, blitzing his tormentor with several fierce punches, a spinebuster onto a pile of chairs, four chair strikes across the back and a barrage of right hands for the knockout win. Following his win, a frenzied Dragunov sat in the center of the ring and let out a battle cry while rocking back and forth.

The Score: 8 out of 10

  • The Good: Ilja and Sam went to town on each other. Ilja was like a wild man here. Ilja just screams all the f—king time. I love the roaring that he does. Ilja is the kind of guy who you’d love to watch while he whispers…or takes a s—t. Ilja: GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Me: Holy s—t! Ilja: GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Me: Ow! My f—kin’ ear! Ilja: GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Me: Will you s—t the f—k up?! I’m trying to review the match! Ilja: GAAAAAAAAAAH? Me: Yeah, dip-s—t! Ilja: GAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! Me: As I was saying, Ilja and Sam were not slowing down at any point here. These guys were fighting here…pure and simple. The action exploded onto every piece of the canvas. This was as visceral a fracas as you’ll get this side of a riot. These guys fought like it was with their lives depending on it.
  • The Bad: Nothing in here was bad.
  • The Verdict: What a blast this was.

Final Verdict: 6/10

The main event was the reason to come here. Ilja is quickly becoming the big star of this show, along with WALTER, who will defend the NXT UK Title against Rampage Brown at Prelude. This was a one match show and that’s all there is to it.

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