04th Nov2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Nov 3rd 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have the United States of America’s election of its latest Sith Lord…um…president? Yeah, that’s the word…president. All hail President Skroob! Impact Wrestling starts…Beverly Hills, 90210 sucked.

Match #1: Deonna Purrazzo w/ Kimber Lee def Knockouts Champion Su Yung by Disqualification – Knockouts Championship

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

We kick off IMPACT! with a Bound For Glory Championship rematch as Su Yung defends the Knockouts Title against Deonna Purrazzo. The Virtuosa jumpstarts the match with a bicycle kick in the corner. Deonna targets the arm of Su as she prepares to lock in the Fujiwara Armbar. As Purrazzo is trapped in the Mandible Claw, Kimber Lee slides a steel chair into the ring. Both Knockouts play tug of war with Su gaining possession. Su uses the chair as a weapon and the referee calls for the bell! After the match, Su continues the assault with the steel chair, sending Purrazzo and Lee retreating.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – Time was the primary enemy of this match, along with the DQ finish. When they actually wrestled, this was good, but they didn’t wrestle very much. All Hail President Skroob!

Match #2: Chris Bey def Trey Miguel

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Who will pick up the victory in this clash of X-Division stars? Trey is in control when Bey rakes his eyes, followed by a clothesline to the back. Trey builds momentum with a reverse 619. The pace quickens when Trey hits an impressive combination, culminating with a big neckbreaker for two! Bey blocks the Cheeky Nandos Kick in the corner. Bey flies off the top with a cutter to score the victory.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Bey and Trey…it rhymes! F—k yeah! It rhymes! I’m a freakin’ genius! What are you, slip-crack?! You’re a bum! You’re not a freakin’ genius! I’m a freakin’ genius! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Anyway…this match had some good X-Division action that was not as innovative as past X-Division matches, but it stands with those as a complimentary, supplementary wogadeejoo. I’m glad to see Bey win, but Trey needed a victory as well, so perhaps this match should have had some sort of quick promo afterwards to get Trey some heat back? In any case, this match was a tart appetizer of the kind of action that Impact should be offering on the menu.

Match #3: Doc Gallows w/ Karl Anderson def Ethan Page w/ Josh Alexander

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Gallows is in total control from the opening bell as Page throws a tantrum at ringside. Alexander provides a distraction, allowing Page to gain the advantage. Page distracts the referee while Alexander gets physically involved. Page follows up with a DDT for two. Gallows fights back with a series of elbows, then quickens the pace with multiple clotheslines. Gallows sets up in the corner but Alexander hooks his leg. Anderson has seen enough and takes it to Alexander on the floor. Gallows hits a big boot for the three count!

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was just a few minutes, but these guys looked good in a match that was less than so. Doc and Page…doesn’t rhyme…damn. Doc and Page had solid chemistry together, but so does a cat in a sex blender. Page looked great, from his new lean, mean physique to his improved technique. Page might just be able to become a major singles star for Impact if he keeps making the progress he’s making at the rate he’s made it. Well, The Bachorlette is the greatest thing in existence and I’m full of s—t, just like those folks who think this match wasn’t at least decent.

Match #4: Johnny Swinger def Cody Deaner w/ Cousin Jake

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Two of the suspects in the shooting of John E Bravo compete in singles action tonight. Swinger calls for a timeout, prompting Deaner to pummel him with boots in the corner. Deaner takes a swig of beer but that gives Swinger the opening he needs as he sends him head-first into the turnbuckle. Deaner hits an inverted Atomic Drop and it’s time to Give’r! Deaner attempts the DDT but Swinger counters and retreats to the outside. Swinger grabs a steel chair but Jake stops him from using it. Instead, Swinger hits Deaner with a loaded fanny pack to steal the victory!

My Opinion: 0.6 out of 5 – Well, this was short and lousy, so there you go.

Match #5: (Main Event) Sami Callihan & Eric Young def Rich Swann & Eddie Edwards

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Both Eddie and Swann bring the aerial offense to their opponents in the early going. Back in the ring, Callihan begins to wear Eddie down. Eddie hits Callihan with the Blue Thunder Bomb to create separation. Callihan tags in EY who immediately knocks Swann off the apron, preventing Eddie from making the tag. Eddie hits EY with a huge superplex! Eddie fights free and finally makes the tag to Swann. The champ is on the attack as he picks Callihan off the top with a Hurricanrana. Swann takes out both EY and Callihan with a double handspring cutter! Swann locks in the Sharpshooter on Callihan while Eddie locks in the half Boston Crab on EY. Callihan is about to tap but EY stops his hand from hitting the mat! Ken Shamrock comes down to ringside and sends Swann into the steel ring steps. Meanwhile, Callihan connects with a Piledriver on Eddie to win. Sami Callihan, Ken Shamrock and Eric Young stand tall as IMPACT! on AXS TV goes off the air.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a solid ten or so minutes of action that was rough around the edges, but also thick and meaty, like my cock…erspaniel. There was an informal sort of fight that featured Eric pounding away at any-one that he could get his hands on. Sami was as crazy as usual, which seems to be his thing now. Rich and Eddie stayed the course and played the role of valiant hero, which was refreshing in a match with two narcissists in tow. If you can get behind a match that was not pretty, but had something you can hang onto, then you’ll probably have a fun time watching these four fight in a war of pile-drivers and sharp-shooters.

News Of The Night:

  1. Heath will get to sign his contract when he is healthy.
  2. Rohit Raju will defend the X-Division Title against TJP, next week.
  3. Deonna Purrazzo will fight for the Knockout’s Title against Su Yung at Turning Point in a No Disqualification Match.
  4. Chris Bey and Sami Callihan were teased as the next contenders to Rich Swann’s World Title.
  5. Moose and Willie Mack will fight at Turning Point.
  6. Tenille Dashwood and Madison Rayne will team in the Knockout’s Tag Team Tournament.
  7. Here are the suspects in Tommy Dreamer’s investigation into the shooting of John E Bravo:
    Johnny Swinger, Havok, Cody Deaner, Fallah Bahh, Brandon Tolle, Hernandez, Larry D, Father James Mitchell, Rosemary and Taya Valkyrie.

Final Verdict: 2.7 /5

The main event was on the right track, but the rest of the matches had some difficulty sticking the landing.

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