10th Aug2020

Friday Night SmackDown – Aug 7th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Friday Night SmackDown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Tony Danza! You like’a the Tony Danza? You betta! Somebody slap the momma, ‘cuz we got da’ ‘rasslin’ on da’ way…’cuz I’ve got CABIN FEVER!!!!!! IIIIIIIII’VE GOT IT TOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! CABIN FEVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! OH, I’VE GOT CABIN FEVER I’V…

Match #1: Matt Riddle def. Sheamus (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Matt Riddle hasn’t shied away from a challenge since making his SmackDown debut, and The Original Bro faced one of his most difficult tests in a battle with Sheamus. Sheamus’ power was on display early, as he manhandled the blue brand newcomer and connected on a brutal Powerbomb. With the match still very much in the balance, Shorty G pounced on Riddle outside the ring in another attempt to collect The King’s Ransom. After the bell rang to signal the disqualification, The Celtic Warrior became incensed and berated Shorty G before delivering a thunderous Brogue Kick. Sheamus exited up the ramp on the hunt for King Corbin after his royal decree cost him the opportunity to regain his momentum.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This went a while and had some fine wrestling in it. Sheamus actually was the high-light here, with him really committing to his pledge to kick some ass. There are plenty of clever reversals from Riddle, who managed to add his unique ground offense to the match in the right spots. The match really picked-up in the last five minutes, when both guys started to move in on each other’s worn down body parts with their signature moves. I felt like Jennifer Lopez when she got dropped out of the air balloon for attacking Top Cat…can’t attack Top Cat! If you like watching a pot-head and a red-headed rip-off of John Nance from “Eraserhead” smack the piss out of each other for twelve-plus minutes, then you’ll go ape-shit over this phucker…except for the DQ finish (I hate Dairy Queen…meep meep!)

Match #2: Cesaro def. Lince Dorado

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The SmackDown Tag Team Champions are reveling in the respect and championship gold they’ve sought for so long, and Cesaro relished his opportunity to take out Lince Dorado. Dorado tried to take the match to the skies, but the strength of The Swiss Cyborg was too much for the high-flyer to overcome. Cesaro closed it out with a powerful Neutralizer and allowed the party to head to the Champion’s Lounge commence.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – While far too short for its own good, this match ruled ass…ASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Cesaro and Lince clobbered each other so hard you could hear these guy’s balls break every time they bashed into each other, which is how the Hell’s Angels grocery shop (Clean-up on aisle…WHAM!). What moron would book a top-notch slug-fest like this to go as short as the line to see Tiny Tim throw his wife down the stairs (Watch the hair!)? You know, this match was kickin’ lots of ass, but who needs wrestling on a wrestling show?

Match #3: Jeff Hardy def. King Corbin (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Jeff Hardy was the latest target of King Corbin’s antagonizing actions, as the Corbin interrupted The Charismatic Enigma’s address to the WWE Universe last week. Hardy and Corbin battled back and forth as intensity ran high between the two seasoned Superstars. After his match was interrupted earlier in the night, Sheamus was eager to return the favor to Corbin and also connect on one more brutal Brogue Kick on Hardy. The Celtic Warrior’s intervention resulted in another disqualification but set the stage for a massive clash.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was by the numbers, but it was still pretty good. Jeff worked hard to sell Corbin as an ass-kicker, but Corbin just feels like a cosplayer with a limp dick. Hey, at least Jeff got Corbin through all the dull parts with some flash and sizzle! I wish this would have gone longer and had a better finish, but so does my wife.

Match #4: Sheamus def. King Corbin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After their own selfish agendas brought the two Superstars into each other’s orbit, Sheamus and King Corbin met in the ring to brutally settle their differences. The two colossal competitors both took turns delivering crushing blows early on in the match. However Matt Riddle would be the one with the final interjection, as The Original Bro came flying across the ring as the official’s attention was diverted. Sheamus seized the opening and connected on an impactful Brogue Kick on Corbin to be the last man standing after a chaotic night.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – Corbin looked good in a match where Sheamus looked great. This was another fine smack-around, like lunch with Joey Buttafuco…’cause he likes to…BUTTAFUCO ALL THE LADIES!!!!!! I was pleased to see Corbin move so smoothly and leisurely. Sheamus Irished-up the whole match, which isn’t as tasty as you’d hope for…DAMN IT!!!!!!!! There’s something about watching a grown man beat the hell out of another grown man that makes me feel like I’m back in prison (the violence). Two guys who don’t normally impress this much did just that here, so let’s get to the last match before I wake-up and I’m back on season three of Good Times…GOOD TIMES MY ASS!!!!!

Match #5: (Main Event) Heavy Machinery vs. The Miz & John Morrison (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Heavy Machinery took exception with The Miz & John Morrison’s insults to Mandy Rose on “The Dirt Sheet,” and brought their anger into the ring against the outspoken duo. Otis’ fury was especially evident early on, and a flying maneuver by Tucker gave the Workin’ Man tandem an upper hand. The reemergence of a new look Mandy Rose turned the match into a brawl, as The Golden Goddess attacked her former best friend.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was standard WWE-action where nothing of note really happened for a little while and then it ended like my marriage to Lizard Lips (BLAGLAGLAGAAAA). Well, this sucked, but it wasn’t bad either, so figure that out.

News Of The Night:

  1. A #1 Contender’s match will decide who fights Bayley for the SmackDown Women’s Title at SummerSlam.
  2. Sasha Banks will defend the Raw Women’s Title at SummerSlam, no matter what.
  3. Chad Gable got his ass beat by Sheamus for failing to cash in on the Matt Riddle bounty.
  4. Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose brawled after Sonya cut a promo on The Dirt Sheet earlier in the night, while The Dirt Sheet had a dumb skit with Mandy’s hair talking (it’s dumb).
  5. RETRIBUTION did an Age Of The Fall/Nexus angle where they cussed and smashed men and women while chopping the ring ropes in half with a chain-saw…like when Elizabeth McGovern dumped me for Cujo.
  6. Bray Wyatt tried to hurt Alexa Bliss again, but Braun Strowman stopped him with a promo where he revealed he is evil now or some shit.

Final Verdict: 2.9/5

When this show focused on wrestling, it was just fine, but the storylines and talking garbage brought the show to a halt.


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