‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (June 9th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I got sun-poisoned earlier today and it f—— me up. Hey, I might even say some-hing weird for a change…change? That’s a load of bullsh*t. I’m always saying the wrong thing with these reviews. One time, I reviewed A League Of Their Own on here by mistake and forgot to not cry during baseball. Well, let’s see if Impact is a league of our own dreams, or our nightmares. That last sentence was everything that’s wrong with letting a gorilla-in-a-tutu like me talk to people.
Match #1: Michael Elgin def. Ken Shamrock & Sami Callihan – Triple Threat Match
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
IMPACT! kicked off with a huge three-way match featuring Michael Elgin vs Ken Shamrock vs Sami Callihan. As these titans looked to settle the score with one another, Shamrock didn’t want to wait for his entrance and attacked Elgin from behind. In signature ICU fashion, the lights went out and when they came back on, Callihan was standing in the ring for a sneak attack of his own. Before Shamrock could lock in the Ankle Lock, Elgin fought him off with a DDT but it had no effect on the MMA legend. On second attempt, Shamrock locked it in but just as Elgin was about to tap, Callihan prevented his hand from hitting the mat. Elgin threw Callihan into Shamrock, which sent Shamrock crashing into the exposed turnbuckle. Elgin connected with a thunderous Elgin Bomb on Shamrock to win!
My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was a quirky match, believe it or not. There was an odd sort of chemistry on display here and I liked it. Shamrock worked his submission/brawling offense while Sami and Michael just slammed the salmon out of each other. This should have gotten more time, but what we did get was as strong as a turkey leg… Elgin winning worked well and gave him some of his momentum back. Bada-bing bada-boom.
Match #2: Tasha Steelz w/ Kiera Hogan def. Susie
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Last week, Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz sent a message to the entire Knockouts division when they defeated Susie and Kylie Rae. They were looking to continue their momentum when Tasha battled Susie in singles action on IMPACT! In the early going, Tasha was in control, using speed to her advantage. Just as Susie was building momentum, Kiera got up on the apron and caused a distraction, allowing Tasha to hit the Okurrr cutter for the win!
My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This was a slower and more clumsy match than I thought it would be, but not because anybody was being lazy. Steelz winning made me feel pretty damn good. It’s nice to see a new person win a match in Impact. Okay, I forgot what I was talking about.
Match #3: Willie Mack & Cousin Jake def. Chris Bey & Johnny Swinger
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
As Chris Bey continued to target Willie Mack, he teamed with his new “friend” Johnny Swinger to battle the X-Division Champion and Cousin Jake on IMPACT! What an ally Cousin Jake turned out to be as used his incredible size and power to take out both Bey and Swinger with a flurry of offense. But just as Bey was about to get crushed in the corner, Swinger pulled him to safety. The Finesse & Bench Press Express used their dirty tactics as Swinger distracted the referee, allowing Bey to attack Jake from the outside. Willie had seen enough and connected with the Stunner on Swinger to win.
My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Mack and Bey were good here, but the match was just a bunch of Reese’s Pieces being thrown at Dick Butch’s flabby-old behind. There’s nothing bad in here, but the match was just so-so.
Match #4: Jacob (Jake) Crist def. Crazzy Steve
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Cancel Culture was in full force on IMPACT! as Joseph P. Ryan, RVD and Katie Forbes introduced their newest member, Jacob Crist. He was set to show Crazzy Steve that words like “crazy” can hurt. Jacob wasted no time going on the attack as he gained the early advantage. Steve began to build momentum with a big clothesline but it was thwarted by Joseph at ringside. Jacob capitalized with a flurry of kicks to score the victory.
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a fun little psycho-fest that made my Ned Flanders feel oke-ally doke-ally! The match itself moved quite well and offered enough of a taste of what these two can do against each other. With a freaky spirit, Steve and Crist played this harp like a turbo-charged crotch-rocket with a diamond-studded whammy bar (a guitar) and while the tune was a little off, it was still worth cracking an ear open to down a shot of that sweet, sweet music.
Match #5: (Main Event) Jordynne Grace def Taya Valkyrie w/ Rosemary & John E Bravo – Knockout’s Championship Match
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Jordynne Grace and Taya Valkyrie are back and they renewed their rivalry for the Knockouts Championship on IMPACT! Jordynne was on fire in the early going as she dove through the ropes, taking out Taya, Rosemary and Bravo. Taya retreated outside to catch a breather, allowing her to gain control with a running knee. Taya sent Jordynne crashing into the steel steps on the floor. Taya continued to dominate with her signature double knees in the corner. In an amazing feat of strength, Jordynne took Taya off the top rope with a big powerbomb. It was a heated back-and-forth battle as Taya fought off the Grace Driver and connected with a Spear. As Rosemary and Bravo were preoccupied with each other at ringside, Jordynne forced Taya to submit with the Sleeper.
My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – These two really let the moves sink in this time around, with Grace showing more of her ability to control a match than she has in some time. This was not the best example of what both fighters are capable of, but they could have done a hell of a lot worse. Grace really came through here though and showed how captivating she can be as a champion. Overall, this was a good way to end the card.
News Of The Night:
- Deonna Purrazzo debuted and put Jordynne Grace in an arm-bar to finish her attack of Grace after the main event was over.
- Rhino teased Heath Slater might be coming to Impact before he brawled with Rohit Raju.
- Michael Elgin apparently has a boss from Canada, with a tease of Team Canada being made in the process.
- On July 18th at Slammiversary, Tessa Blanchard will defend the World Title against Ace Austin, Michael Elgin, Eddie Edwards and Trey in a huge five-way main event.
- Here are next week’s matches:
Rhino vs. Rohit Raju
Ace Austin vs. Eddie Edwards – Street Fight
The North vs. The Rascalz – Impact World Tag Team Titles Match
Moose vs. Hernandez – TNA World Title Match
Final Verdict: 3.3/5
I had fun this week, even if I still saw a lot of flaws in the presentation of what was promoted. There was less comedy this week and a lot of people were put over, including Deonna Purrazzo, who seems destined to be a big deal in this run with Impact.
