‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (March 24th 2020)

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Mike Mignola re-making Hellboy into Joey Jack: King Of The Little People. Also, coronavirus is killing people, so take that seriously, but remember that there are a lot of other things that are killing people which are not taken seriously. We gotta keep this all in perspective and not just try to scare people into staying home, like that Sara Haines/Haynes/Hanes chick from The View wants…to some degree anyway. Okay, Impact is back so let’s…review it? That sounds lame, like a George T. Miller movie.

Match #1: Willie Mack def. Cousin Jake, Acey Romero, Daga, Rohit Raju, Jake Crist, Chris Bey & Trey – X-Division #1 Contender Scramble Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Whoever scores the first pin or submission will be be the #1 Contender for the X-Division Championship. Bey and Trey team up with double top rope dropkicks to take Acey off his feet. The alliance doesn’t last long as it’s every man for himself in this Scramble. Rohit hits Bey with a swinging neckbreaker but Cousin Jake breaks up the pin. Cousin Jake connects with a massive powerbomb on Rohit. Willie takes out Jake Crist with a scooping slam, followed by a standing Moonsault. Acey heads to the top rope but Cousin Jake cuts him off. There’s a huge Tower of Doom out of the corner as everyone teams up to get the big man off the top rope. Daga tries to steal the victory with a follow up frog splash but Acey kicks out. Acey dives through the ropes, crashing into a sea of humanity on the floor. Willie hits Cousin Jake with the Six Star Frog Splash while he’s attempting a pin on Jake Crist. Willie pins Cousin Jake to win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was a nice ten minute demo reel of these guys’ best moves and a few little three-way sequences that were fun while they lasted.

Match #2: Moose def. Chase Stevens

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The former Natural, Chase Stevens returns to IMPACT Wrestling tonight. Moose gains the early advantage by attacking Stevens while he’s entering the ring. Stevens quickly turns it around, showing no signs of ring rust. Stevens hits a German suplex, followed by a scissors kick for two. Moose hangs up Stevens on the top rope, then connects with the No Jackhammer Needed Spear to win.

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Chase looked good in this decent squash. Moose feels like he has regressed despite getting much better in the ring. Never thought I’d see Chase back in TNA, but here we are.

Match #3: Reno Scum (Adam Thornstowe & Luster The Legend) def. Rascalz (Dez & Wentz)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Reno Scum jump-start the match with an attack from behind. Wentz is recovering on the floor while Thornstowe and Luster wear down Dez inside the ring. Dez still has his entrance attire on as Reno Scum doesn’t give him a chance to breathe. Dez has a burst of momentum and is finally able to tag in Wentz. Luster gets caught with a big boot from Wentz for two. Both Rascalz head to the top but Thornstowe sends Wentz crashing to the floor. Dez takes him off the apron with a kick. Luster hits Dez with a massive clothesline, followed by a top rope double foot stomp from Thornstowe to win.

My Opinion: 2.1 out of 5 – This was a lousy match that had the right winner, if only because RS can’t lose forever.

Match #4: Rhino & Sabu w/ Super Genie def. oVe (Madman Fulton & Dave Crist) – Old School Rules

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Old School Rules basically means – there are none. Rhino spears Fulton in the corner, then clotheslines him over the top rope to the outside. Sabu back body drops Dave into Fulton and dropkicks them both on the floor. Rhino and Dave brawl up the ramp. Super Genie throws a steel chair to Sabu who clobbers Fulton with it. Fulton press slams Dave on top of Sabu for two. Rhino connects with a big Spinebuster on Dave but Fulton breaks up the pin. Sabu launches a steel chair into Fulton’s head, then uses the chair as a launching pad to soar through the air. Dave delivers a low blow to Rhino. The referee confronts him about the low blow causing Dave to lose his cool and push him to the mat. The referee ducks a clothesline from Dave. Rhino catches Dave off guard with the Gore to win.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Sabu wasn’t very good here (but he did try), but everyone else looked pretty good. The match wasn’t much more than a bunch of hardcore moves, but the moves worked out well enough. I would’ve had oVe win here, but there are worse people oVe could lose to (way too many).

Match #5: (Main Event) Michael Elgin & Taya Valkyrie w/ John E Bravo def. Eddie Edwards & World Champion Tessa Blanchard

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Four of IMPACT Wrestling’s top athletes compete in this star-studded tag team match. Tessa targets Elgin’s surgically repaired knee in the early going. Taya pulls Tessa off the apron, then tosses her into the steel ring steps. Elgin hits Eddie with a massive powerslam for two. Elgin and Eddie exchange strong shots in the middle of the ring. Elgin is about to powerbomb Tessa off the top rope but she counters with a Hurricanrana. Tessa builds momentum with a Samoan Drop to Taya. Eddie is on fire as he sends Elgin flying with a belly-to-belly suplex. Eddie is about to dive when Taya intercepts him. Tessa launches herself off Eddie’s back to knock Taya off the apron. Both Tessa and Eddie fly to the outside with in-sync dives. Tessa attempts Magnum but Elgin catches and powerbombs her on the back of Eddie. Tessa will not stay down as she hits Elgin with a reverse Hurricanrana, followed by a tornado DDT. Elgin charges at Eddie but he ducks, causing him to flatten Tessa with a clothesline. Taya takes out Tessa on the floor with a top rope dive. Elgin puts Eddie away with the Elgin Bomb to win.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was a lot of fun and easily the best thing on the show. This went for a long time and actually felt like it was meant to be great, as opposed to the wrestlers sneaking in a more ambitious match than what the bookers may have intended. Everybody worked hard to keep the pace up the whole time and I think this might have just saved the show. Give these guys a hooker and a cookie…made of hookers…made of cookies.

News Of The Night:

1. Willie Mack is going after the X-Division Title.
2. Sami Callihan is waging war on Impact management by making Ken Shamrock his first victim.
3. Rosemary, Su Yung and Havoc aligned while in the Undead Realm to kill James Mitchell and sent him to Heaven as punishment, where he saw a cat and Abyss in his prison uniform holding the bag of thumbtacks.
4. oVe debated on why Sami Callihan won’t talk to them anymore.
5. Cancel Culture wants to cancel The Deaners.
6. Raven talked to Rosemary about why feuds are important (I’m not kidding).

Final Verdict: 2.7/5

The main event is the 0.7 here, so take the rest of the show how-ever you will.