14th Nov2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Nov 12th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Paula Abdul dancing like a cat. From those d—k-heads on Shark Tank…I’m switching the joke. Wouldn’t it be great if that show was true to the advertising? Mr. Wonderful my ass. That fat slob couldn’t piss Paul Orndorff’s boots clean with Pine Sol. I don’t care if that joke makes sense or not. Besides, it gives you an extra thing to hold over me. Okay, Impact is still trying to pretend that it never was called Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling. SHHHHHHH.


Match #1: Trey def. Petey Williams, Brent Banks, Rohit Raju, Aiden Prince & Willie Mack – Winner Becomes No.1 Contender for X-Division Title

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

XXX-Division Champion Ace Austin joins Josh Mathews and Don Callis on commentary. Trey hits a springboard flip dive, crashing into his opponents on the floor. Petey hits Trey with a Hurricanrana on the outside. Prince connects with a 450 on both Trey and Banks. Willie is next to fly with a Six Star Frog Splash on Prince but Rohit breaks up the pin attempt with a double foot stomp. Trey rolls up Petey to score the pinfall and become the next challenger for Ace Austin’s X-Division Title.

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was the typical spot-fest from the X-Division. It was nice seeing newer faces in here. I wish Willie Mack would have won (or Petey Williams even) but this division does merry-go-round booking all the time. Hey, at least nobody died.

Match #2: Madison Rayne w/ Kiera Hogan def. Alexia Nicole

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Madison jumps off the second rope and hits a neckbreaker. Madison distracts the referee, allowing Kiera to give her a shot from ringside. Alexia hits an Electric Chair for a two count. Madison connects with an Enzuigiri, followed by the CrossRayne to win.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – Nothing bad here, but I don’t think this match will bring too many new viewers. I’d say I hate being mean, which I do, but I like pretending that I enjoy hurting people’s feelings. 50th Anniversary? Hurry up and die you old b—–s! Aunt Carol…suck it! I’m…okay, wait. These all sound really bad, but that’s how wrestling works these days. Just book random s— until money drops in the bank account. I’m ranting, but when a match makes me think of these things, that’s probably a good reason for the league to wonder if other folks are thinking of these things. This is actually like the X-Division, where the random contender is selected every so often. Is Madison the new contender? Who knows. God, these jokes suck. Where did the General keep his armies? …in his sleevies! Now that’s a good joke.

Match #3: Daga def. Jake Crist

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Daga hits a tornado DDT to build momentum. Jake catches Daga in mid-air and connects with a Death Valley Driver. Daga takes Jake off the top with a Hurricanrana, followed by the Butterfly Piledriver to win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a lot of fun, with some unique action sequences that made me feel like I was being chased by the Bumblesaurus Rex down the Candy Necklace River in Cotton Candy Land! Oh s—…I did drugs. I’m f—– up. Fortunately, this match was not f—– up. Well, part of it was. Crist is a weird guy. I’m glad he’s taking chances with the way he handles himself. Daga is just great and he should be fighting for a major title very soon. Okay, good stuff.

Match #4: Sami Callihan & Madman Fulton def. Rich Swann & Tessa Blanchard

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Tessa and Swann jumpstart the match with a flurry of offense. Callihan turns it around with a Brainbuster to Tessa. Swann dropkicks Fulton off the apron, then picks Callihan off the top. oVe connect with a modified double suplex on Swann to regain control. Fulton hits Swann with a Thunderous Chokeslam. Fulton distracts the referee, allowing Callihan to hit Swann over the head with the World Title. Callihan scores the pin to win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a sound…sound?! My God…I’ve gone lame…again. Sound…of silence. AHHHHHHHHH!!! Gotcha! This was solid…soild?! My stool is solid. I forgot what was going on here. Right! At this point, every-one involved has chemistry with each other and they can do this in their sleep. Wouldn’t that be a blast? Wrestling on Ambien. Marvelous. Tessa better be getting groomed to be the World Champion, or I’ll do nothing in response. Over-all, this was a good way to keep the feud going, but it would have been nice to have a longer match to push this feud with.

Match #5: Havok def. Crystal

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Crystal jumps off the top but Havok catches her in mid-air. Havok makes quick work of Crystal with a vicious Chokeslam, followed by the Tombstone Piledriver to win.

My Opinion: 1.4 out of 5 – Another squash…they suck…yada, yada, yada!!!!

Match #6: (Main Event) The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) def. Eddie Edwards & Noamichi Marufuji – Impact World Tag Team Championship Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Marufuji hits The North with his signature kicks on the outside. The North wear down Eddie, cutting off the ring and preventing him from tagging in Marufuji. Eddie takes Page off the top with a Hurricanrana, followed by a series of strikes from him and Marufuji. Eddie hits Alexander with the Blue Thunder Bomb for a two count. Eddie hits another power move on Alexander, this time a Tiger Bomb for yet another near fall. The North hit a flurry of double team offense on Eddie to win the match and retain their titles.

My Opinion: 4 out of 5 – This was a fantastic main event that kicked The Hustle. Van McCoy would be thrilled. This was a great pairing of people that weaved in and out of every move like Nancy Zieman and her crooked celebrity mouth. I miss her. This is the kind of match that Impact should be producing every step of the way of the card. How can a league with these many problems not afford to go full-tilt boogie every time they get on camera? Going the right length and delivering the right kind of action, this was a match for the ages that ought to do Impact a lot of good in the coming years.

News Of The Night:

  1. Moose is still trying to be the next Mr. Perfect, this time by playing tennis.
  2. Jordynn Grace will fight John E. Bravo.
  3. Brian Cage is in the Elimination Challenge Match for next week.
  4. Rob Van Dam will be back, next week.
  5. Ken Shamrock and Johnny Swinger are in a feud over the latter s——- in the former’s bag.
  6. Ace Austin said he wants to bang Trey’s mom.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

There was some strong action here, but the main event and the focus on the World Title helped keep this show going.


Comments are closed.