‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Aug 16th 2019)
Welcome to this week’s review of Impact Wrestling, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and a little birdy told me that Dr. Wagner Jr. might have wrestled at the Impact TV tapings that will air within a few weeks. Dr. Wagner Jr. was supposed to be retired, so if he’s wrestling after he announced his retirement then that makes him a liar. If Dr. Wagner Jr. is a liar, then that makes me angry…with the madness! I’ve got cabin fever! I’ve got it tooooooooooo! Cabin Fever! We’ve got cabin fever and we’re all going mad… I’m okay…just stupider than usual. Alright, it’s time for Impact Wrestling…and cabin fever! I’ve got it toooooooooo! Cabin fever!
Match #1: Moose def. Fallah Bahh
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Moose is in control in the early going as he lays in repeated shots on Fallah, busting him open in the process. Fallah begins to build momentum with a big Samoan Drop! Fallah hits a belly-to-belly throw for a two-count. Moose connects with an earth-shattering Superplex off the top rope! Moose delivers a vicious No Jackerhammer Needed Spear to put Fallah away.
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Both of these guys looked excellent here. Bahh is on his way to being the next Umaga, if this match is any indication. There was plenty of brawling and slamming in this bout, which made it all feel more important than it might have otherwise. These two wrestle a slower pace, so having them together allowed Moose/Bahh to work at their own pace and show all that they could do. I really liked this match, even as much as love Margaritas at the midnight buffet! Margaritas at the midnight buffet! Okay, I’m glad I got that out of my system. In any case, this match was as good as any opener in recent memory…and Margaritas at the midnight buffet! Margaritas at the midnight buffet!
Match #2: Madison Rayne & Kiera Hogan def. Alexia Nicole & Jordynne Grace
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Madison and Kiera wear down Alexia on their side of the ring. Alexia hits Kiera with a Stunner to give her an opening to make the tag! Jordynne comes in with extreme intensity, hitting Madison with the Grace Driver! Jordynne connects with a belly-to-belly suplex on Kiera. Alexia hits a follow-up crossbody but she’s not legal! Madison hits Alexia with CrossRayne to win.
My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a boring match that had all of the right moves, but not the right stuff. These four tried, but it never really got going far enough to be much more than a booking decision.
Match #3: Rich Swann, Willie Mack & Rob Van Dam def. The Rascalz (Dez, Wentz & Trey) – 6-Man Tag Team Match
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Rich takes out all three members of the Rascalz with a game-changing cutter to Wentz! The beatdown on Wentz continues as Willie hits him with a Moonsault, followed by Rolling Thunder from RVD! Trey pushes RVD off the top rope, sending him crashing into the steel guardrails. Trey connects with double knees off the top to Rich, followed by a dive to the floor! RVD hits Wentz with the Frog Splash. Rich follows up with a 450 Splash to win.
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a fine match that was tightly packed with action and made everyone look good. RVD kept up with the young guys and made their stuff look just as good as the young guys made his stuff look. They all worked the match like it mattered and that came through on-screen. I liked this match and I bet a re-match would be quite good.
Match #4: The Deaners (Cody Deaner & Cousin Jake) def. Desi Hit Squad (Rohit Raju & Raj Singh) w/ Gama Singh
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
If the Desi Hit Squad win, the Deaners must become their servants. If the Deaners win, the Desi Hit Squad must become their farmhands! Jake sends Rohit into the knee of Cody to deliver a gutbuster. Cody sends Rohit over the top rope, crashing into Raj on the floor. Cody is about to fly but Gama trips him up from the outside! The Desi Hit Squad continue the 2-on-1 beatdown on Cody. He attempts to tag in Jake but Raj pulls him off the apron. The Deaners take turns soaring through the air with a flurry of aerial offense! It’s time to GIVE’R as The Deaners put Rohit away to win!
My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This was a dull, slow match that I didn’t really mind, but it wasn’t a big hit either.
Match #5: (Main Event) Tessa Blanchard & Tommy Dreamer def. Sami Callihan & Dave Crist
The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:
Tessa somersaults off the top rope into Sami and Dave on the floor! Sami extends his hand to Tessa but she doesn’t fall for it and continues the attack. Sami delivers a discreet low blow to Dreamer, allowing him and Dave to gain control. Dreamer is about to tag in Tessa when Sami pulls her off the apron! Tessa is on a rampage as she takes out both Sami and Jake with a combo neckbreaker DDT. Tessa connects with Magnum on Dave but Sami elbow drops the referee to break the count! Dave attempts to low blow Tessa but it’s ineffective! Tessa hits Magnum with the kendo stick on Dave to win!
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a fun match that had the right result. The whole point of this feud between Sami and Tessa has been about Tessa beating Sami, so getting a victory over his acolyte is a great tease for the real thing. Dreamer did well in this match and made sure to make Tessa the focus of the team. This was very simple and very enjoyable and Dead Tom’s dead! Long John Shot ‘im! …but Dead Tom’s always been dead. That’s why he’s called Dead Tom. Oh. I really need a delete button. Okay, this was a very cool little main event and…watch where you’re going you stupid cat!
News Of The Night:
- There will be a “Cali Combat” special episode for next Friday.
- Ace Austin is trying to make himself seem like the victim of Eddie Edwards abuse, despite Ace being the deceitful one.
- The North are defending their Impact Tag Titles, next week.
- The Desi Hit Squad now have to work for The Deaners.
- Rhino fights Michael Elgin, next week.
- Jake Crist fights Rich Swann for the X-Division Title, next week.
- Taya Valkyrie makes an announcement about the Knockout’s Championship, next week.
Final Verdict: 3/5
This was a good show that wasn’t very ambitious or exciting, but it was wrestling done simply and thoroughly, so I’m happy…about having cabin fever! I’ve got it toooooooooo! Cabin fever!
