‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (June 27th 2019)

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have more build for Slammiversary to get to, so let’s get to it before Kenny Omega complains some more about Vince McMahon using EVOLVE Wrestling to compete with All Elite Wrestling’s charity show (pansy-@$$ nancy-boy). Hey, competition is a two-way street that leads to a door that swings both ways. Anyway, let’s call in Bebe’s Kids to sit their happy little cartoon @$$&$ down to watch Impact Wrestling, because it might just be a good one.

Match #1: The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) def. The Deaners (Cody Deaner & Cousin Jake)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Cody takes Page over the top rope to the floor with a clothesline. Jake holds the ropes open as Cody dives through the ropes, crashing into Page on the outside! Alexander hits Jake with a running crossbody from behind to regain momentum. The North hit a unique double-team DDT on Cody for a near fall! Cody connects with a top rope splash on Alexander for a two count! The North hit their modified double-team clash to put Cody away.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a solid match that gave both teams some legitimacy to their current runs. The moves had heft and felt like a glazed ham at the Piggly Wiggly. That might not have made any sense to you, but it sure worked for me…ham good. The North are as good as any 2 for 1 deal at any Hi-Lo…okay, that’s at bit off topic. That faux pas aside (I feel French), The North feel like a team with a purpose, which is a testament to them , rather than any booking decision regarding them. The Deaners fight like a Waffle House of fire…that sounds so good. Okay, before I make another food reference, this match is a fine opener that got the ball rolling in the right direction…towards Krystal’s and Captain D’s and…I’ll stop.

Match #2: Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie & Rosemary vs. Su Yung & Havok Ends in a Double Countout

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Havok attempts to sit on Taya but she avoids it and gets the tag to Rosemary! Rosemary dives through the ropes but Havok cuts her off in mid-air! Havok swings and misses at Rosemary with a steel chair! The referee calls for the bell, ending the match in a double count out. Chaos ensues as Rosemary continues to brawl with Havok and now, Taya brawls with Su! Su locks in the Mandible Claw with bloody glove on Taya but Rosemary breaks it up with a spear! Rosemary pours hundreds of thumbtacks on the mat. Taya and Rosemary attempt to suplex Su onto the tacks but Havok breaks it up. Su goes to strike Rosemary but she ducks, causing Su to hit Havok! They’re about to come to blows when Father James Mitchell puts a stop to it. These four will clash with the Knockouts Title on the line in Monster’s Ball at Slammiversary!

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a decent match that was more or less just there to serve as a commercial for the Monster’s Ball Match at Slammiversary, but that’s fine….I guess.

Match #3: Sami Callihan def. Fallah Bahh w/ Scarlett Bordeaux

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Fulton trips up Fallah, causing the referee to eject him from ringside! Fallah hits a big running splash in the corner. Fallah connects with a Samoan Drop! Callihan hits the Cactus Special piledriver to win.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – These guys made the most of a brief match that was just a back-drop to the big Sami Callihan/Tessa Blanchard feud.

Match #4: (Main Event) The Rascalz (Dez, Wentz & Trey) def. LAX (Santana & Ortiz) & Laredo Kid w/ Konnan – Six-Man Tag Team Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Laredo Kid jumps over everyone and hits a crossbody to jumpstart the match! Laredo Kid flies again with a Moonsault off the top rope to the floor. Wentz hit a double foot stomp on Ortiz, then dives to the outside to gain momentum for The Rascalz. Ortiz connects with a Hurricanrana on Wentz, causing him to spear his own partner, Dez! Dez hits Ortiz with a cutter. Trey takes out Laredo Kid with Matrix! LAX stacks The Rascalz on top of each other, then Laredo Kid hits a huge 450 Splash off the top for a near fall! Trey jumps off the top and gets Ortiz in a pinning predicament to score the upset victory! If this happens at Slammiversary, we’ll have new Tag Team Champions!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was some wild stuff. These guys are really starting to hit their stride with their matches against each other. The action is as fast and furious as the people who are trying to figure out why the Fast and the Furious movies have become espionage thrillers instead of street racing pictures. The aura that these matches have is very interesting, in that there is a lackadaisical aggression on display here that enhances the…I’m so full of $#!@. This was strong wrestling and that’s all that matters.

News Of The Night:

1. Eddie Edwards fight Killer Kross in a First Blood Match at Slammiversary. Did they sew Killer Kross’s (allegedly) ripped off face back on in time for the match, or is he gonna do a Face/Off and put a different one on?
2. Moose attacked Tommy Dreamer at a House Of Hardcore event and blamed the cause of the attack on Rob Van Dam to push the Moose/Rob Van Dam feud for Slammiversary.
3. Sami Callihan attacked and assaulted Tessa Blanchard to build toward their big match at Slammiversary.
4. TJP fights Ace Austin, next week.
5. The Deaners and The Desi Hit Squad teased their feud with the latter humiliating the former over losing earlier in the show.
6. Referee John E Bravo and Johnny Impact will wrestle Rich Swann and Willie Mack in the near future.
7. Madison Rayne has delayed her re-match with Jordynn Grace to fight Kiera Hogan instead, who tried to get Rayne to embrace the dark side…like Star Wars?
8. The Rascalz will compete in a three-way dance to decide who will not be a part of the tag title match at Slammiversary, next week.
9. Brian Cage was revealed to not actually be cleared to compete, but was beaten half to death by Michael Elgin after Cage attacked the company doctor who informed the champion of the bad news. This all lead to Elgin attacking head booker/color commentator Don Callis and a brawl between Elgin and Cage.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

This was certainly a one match show, but the one match was really strong and the others were just fine in their own right. The actual build toward Slammiversary was what it needed to be and then some, so why not give these happy little buggers a good review?