‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (May 16th 2019)

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have a whole big bunch of stuff happening here, including an actual main event of high quality…that got cut off by an infomercial for the rest of the show. Yeah, Impact Wrestling’s finest hour was stopped by a technical glitch. In any case, the match will be reviewed, thanks to the internet showing it. Okay, let’s make like Meghan Markle and reserve our tickets to the new Shaft movie. I don’t know if she’s going to see the movie, but I’m gonna pretend that she is any-way.

Match #1: Glenn Gilbertti def. Jordynne Grace, Madison Rayne, Kiera Hogan, Scarlett Bordeaux, Tessa Blanchard, Alisha Edwards, Karissa Rivera, Solo Darling, Tasha Steelz & Ashley Vox – Knockouts Battle Royal

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Before the match begins, Glenn Gilbertti makes his return to IMPACT Wrestling and continues to disrespect women’s wrestling. The Knockouts challenge him to a fight but he backs down! Gilbertti joins Josh Mathews and Don Callis on commentary instead. Madison is on fire in the early going as she hits Grace with a Crucifix Bomb, followed by a tornado DDT on Tessa! Tessa eliminates Rivera and Vox. Darling eliminates Steelz but then gets eliminated herself by Grace! Tessa press slams Alisha over the top rope into other competitors on the floor for the elimination. Tessa and Grace battle the apron, allowing Kiera to take advantage and eliminate Grace from behind. Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie comes to ringside and attacks Madison Rayne. The other Knockouts throw her over the top rope for the elimination. On commentary, Glenn Gilbertti reveals that since he was in the ring when the bell rang, he is officially in this match. Kiera and Tessa battle on the apron. Tessa gets the upper-hand and eliminates her. Tessa thinks she’s won but Glenn Gilbertti hits her with a clothesline from behind and gets the elimination to win!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – The women worked hard, but this felt like a crock of $#!@ the whole way through. This was one of those cheap tricks just to set up a match most won’t want to watch later. Disco shouldn’t be in there with the women if this isn’t leading to men and women wrestling each other permanently. Well, this came and went, so there you go.

Match #2: Rosemary def. Su Yung in a Demon Collar Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Su and Rosemary are connected at the neck with a steel chain! Su pulls at the chain, causing Rosemary to crash head-first into the ring post. Rosemary is placed on a steel chair, then Su dives off the apron and crashes into her on the floor! Su spews red mist at Rosemary but she ducks! Su instead locks in the mandible claw with the bloody glove! Su jumps off the top but Rosemary hits her with the green mist in mid-air, followed by a spear! Rosemary connects with a modified F5 to win.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a dull brawl that was less Starrcade and more JBL/Batista than it should have been. The women tried to make this a big hit, but it just couldn’t get going. That said, the match worked for what it was, so that’s that.

Match #3: Madman Fulton w/ Sami Callihan def. Randy Shawn

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Shawn attempts to chop Fulton but it has no effect on the big man! Fulton hits multiple Chokeslams, followed by a swinging slam to pick up the dominant victory.

My Opinion: 1 out of 5 – The chokeslams looked nice. Also, the Challenger blew up in the 1980s. Overall, this was a squash and that is that.

Match #4: Killer Kross def. Eddie Edwards

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Kross attacks Eddie from the opening bell with a series of strikes. Eddie launches himself over the top rope with a crossbody, followed by a dive to the floor. Eddie connects with a huge top rope Hurricanrana but only gets a one-count! Eddie hits a Tiger Driver for a very close near fall! Eddie is in total control! Kross avoids a Shining Wizard and throws Eddie to the outside. Eddie swings and misses with his kendo stick, allowing Kross to hit the Doomsday Saito Slam and score the win.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This went well enough, but I wanted more from this. Actually, this was yet another case of length damaging potential. Kross may not be the great talent, but he can sell and brawl, with some solid wrestling ability enough of the time to be considered a good wrestler. Eddie is one of wrestling’s very best. Is there a reason why you can’t just let these guys wrestle? Shouldn’t title contention be enough of a reason to have a match? Why do they have to fight over a stick? I feel like I’m watching Perry Saturn get his mop stolen by Raven all over again. It’s going in a wood-chipper! AHHHHHHHHH! Any-way, this went well for a match based on a feud over a dead tree.

Match #5: (Main Event) X-Division Champion Rich Swann def. Michael Elgin by Disqualification

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Swann jumps off the top rope but is cut off in mid-air by a big dropkick from Elgin. Elgin attempts the Elgin Bomb but Swann counters into a DDT. Swann hits multiple dives over the top rope, culminating with huge Swanton to the floor! Swann connects with a huge top-rope elbow for a near fall. Elgin hits a Blue Thunder Bomb but this time Swann kicks out just in time! Swann counters a top rope powerbomb attempt into a Hurricanrana, followed by a handspring cutter and 450 Splash but somehow Elgin kicks out! Elgin hits another vicious sitdown powerbomb. Swann hits two reverse Hurricanranas, followed by a superkick. Elgin sends Swann flying back-first into the steel ring post. The referee gets in his face, causing Elgin to push him down to the ground! The referee calls for the bell, disqualifying Elgin.

My Opinion: 4.5 out of 5 – Now, this is what I call a great match. These guys went to town on each other in all the right ways in a grudge match that still felt like it could decide who was worthy of a World Title match. Swann played the part of the people’s fighter, doing every-thing that could make a crowd scream with joy. Elgin played the part of the spoiler and did every-thing he could to ground and pound Swann into a stupor. Imagine if Icarus was flying to the sun and got swatted out of the sky by storm long before he could ever be scorched by the light of the sun. I loved the pacing, the timing and everything they managed to put in the action sequences here. This was a match for people that wanted an intelligent spectacle, not so different from those great event pictures of cinema’s past. Even the disqualification finish was done correctly, as it was a logical extension of Elgin’s character, rather than just being a cheap excuse to end the match so as to have again for later. This was a long, epic bout that may have been cheated of its moment by a glitch with a commercial running long, but will still have an audience, for years to come.

News Of The Night:

1. Killer Kross destroyed Eddie Edwards’s kendo stick.
2. Moose and The North are feuding with Rob Van Dam.
3. Rosemary now owns Su Yung’s soul.
4. Glenn Gilbertti snuck in to the women’s battle royal and won, despite being a man.
5. The Rascalz will fight for the Impact Tag Team Championship opportunity against LAX.
6. Brian Cage has a very serious spinal injury and his return date is unknown.
7. Madison Rayne has a Knockouts Championship match against Taya Valkyrie, next week.
8. Michael Elgin and Willie Mack are still in a feud.
9. Michael Elgin and Johnny Impact are in a feud.
10. Johnny Impact is feuding with Rich Swann and Willie Mack.
11. Glenn Gilbertti and Tessa Blanchard are now in a feud.
12. Rob Van Dam fights Tommy Dreamer, next week.
13. Sami Callihan fights Fallah Bahh, next week.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

This was a one match show that had some nice stuff beneath the great main event that carried this card.