04th Mar2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Feb 28th 2019)

by Nathan Favel


Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have a whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on. Also, Jordan Peele made another horror movie where we find out that black people are scared of white people. If I made a horror movie, it would be about having to pay taxes after I died. Hey, let’s check in to see if Don Callis has gotten a clue yet.

Match #1: Willie Mack def. Jake Crist w/ Dave Crist by Disqualification

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Jake flies through the ropes with a suicide dive, flip dive and tornado DDT to the floor! Mack hits a standing Moonsault for two count. Mack connects with a Codebreaker but as he climbs to the top rope, Dave pushes him off! The match is called off when oVe starts a beatdown on Mack. The beatdown continues until Tommy Dreamer makes the save! Dreamer calls oVe bullies and challenges them to a tag team match right now!

My Take: 2 out of 5 – This was way too short to make use of either man’s skills.

Match #2: Willie Mack & Tommy Dreamer def. oVe (Jake & Dave Crist)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Dreamer uses food from the fans as a weapon! oVe double teams Dreamer on their side of the ring, preventing him from getting the tag to Mack. Dreamer turns the tide with a Superplex on Jake! Dreamer hits the Death Valley Driver on Jake, followed by the Six Star Frog Splash from Mack to pick up the victory!

My Take: 2 out of 5 – This was pretty damn dull. Have you ever seen a tumbleweed ambling on through a dusty street? This match was a tumbleweed bouncing on the pavement on its way to some patch of desert so it could take a nap. You won’t find much here worth talking about, but nothing was really bad here either.

Match #3: KM & Fallah Bahh def. Reno Scum (Adam Thornstowe and Luster The Legend)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

This is Reno Scum’s return to IMPACT Wrestling! Fallah hits Thornstowe with a sidewalk slam, followed by a springboard into the ring from KM. Fallah and KM perform the double log roll on Luster! Thornstowe hits Fallah with a Superman punch. KM launches Thornstowe into a Samoan Drop from Fallah to score the win! After the match, Reno Scum attacks KM and Fallah from behind, sending a message to the entire IMPACT Wrestling tag team division.

My Take: 2 out of 5 – Nobody looked that good here, but it was serviceable. I feel bad saying that. If any of these wrestlers ever read this, I’m sorry, but I can’t think of any-thing else to say about this match. Hasta La Vista, baby.

Match #4: Tessa Blanchard def. Delilah Doom

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Delilah goes on the attack right from the opening bell! Delilah hits a head scissors. Tessa counters a Hurricanrana attempt into a sit-down powerbomb. Delilah hits a 619, followed by a dropkick off the top rope for a near fall! Tessa connects with a devastating Buzzsaw DDT to win.

My Take: 2 out of 5 – This was a nice little demo reel for Tessa, but it wasn’t much of a match.

Match #5: Zachary Wentz def. Ethan Page

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Wentz hits a springboard corkscrew in the early going. Wentz attempts a handspring but Page catches him in mid-air and hits a big slam to the mat. Page stops Wentz in mid suicide dive and follows up with a backbreaker on the floor! Page gets in the face of a member of the NFL Alumni and shoves him!Page gets pushed back to the floor, allowing Wentz to fly with a big dive! Wentz hits the springboard cutter to win.

My Take: 2 out of 5 – This was like a dead weight match, in that you saw all of this effort, but it made no gains for the ones lifting like their lives depended on it.

Match #6: (Main Event) Moose & Killer Kross def. Impact World Champion Johnny Impact and Brian Cage

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Impact and Cage are working well together in the early going. Impact has promised Cage a singles opportunity at the World Championship if they band together to take out Moose and Kross tonight! Impact attempts Countdown to Impact but Kross avoids it. It appears as though Impact has injured himself. Cage tags himself in and goes on the attack! Moose hits Cage with a dropkick off the top rope to the floor! Referees come out to check on Impact, allowing Kross to hit Cage with the World Title off the distraction. Cage gets busted open during the exchange. Moose and Kross beat down Cage as he falls victim to the numbers game. Miraculously, Cage begins to fight back as he and Moose hit each other with double clotheslines. Cage hits Kross with the F5. The doctor is telling Impact to come to the back but he refuses. Taya Valkyrie comes out to check on her husband. Kross hits Cage with the Doomsday Saito Slam, followed by a Spear from Moose! Kross locks in the Kross Jacket, forcing Cage to pass out! Johnny Impact is carried to the back as a bloody Brian Cage is laid out in the middle of the ring. Moose and Killer Kross stand tall. IMPACT Wrestling goes off the air.

My Take: 3.5 out of 5 – Finally, a match that I can describe in more than sentence. This was quite good and it wasn’t afraid to be more than just a commercial for Johnny Impact’s next title match. Impact and Cage had their complex relationship play out in front of the people like it was hell boiling over at the worst time. All four men had great chemistry together and they were able to make all of the important moments matter. The finale was great, as Cage’s brutal, bloody beating at the climax created a terrifying scenario that Cage was doomed to not escape. This was pretty damn good and, on a lousy show like this one, it was more than welcome.

News Of The Night:

  1. D’Lo Brown has joined Impact as an agent.
  2. Disco Inferno suggested a round robin tournament for the X-Division.
  3. Disco Inferno was attacked by The Anthem Owl.
  4. Rosemary, along with Kiera Hogan and Jordynn Grace, will fight Team Mitchell for Allie’s soul, next week.
  5. Scarlett Bordeaux will debut (maybe, who knows), next week.
  6. Konnan will try to get LAX a title shot, soon.
  7. KM and Fallah Bahh are in a feud with Reno Scum.
  8. Ace Austin debuts, next week.
  9. Sami Callihan wants Rich Swann to join oVe because he once took Swann in as family and he wants to re-unite that family.
  10. Tessa Blanchard still wants her title shot.
  11. Eli Drake wants to be Eddie Edwards’s tag partner.

Final Verdict: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a lousy show until the main event. Disco Inferno is being used a bad comedy, matches are there as a backdrop for promos and everything feels like it’s a WWE rip-off…again. I thought the WWE Lite $#!@ was over?


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