‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Oct 4th 2018)

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Phil and let’s just jump into this!

Match #1: Matt Sydal defeated Rich Swann

The following is courtesy of ImpactWrestling.com:

At the opening of the match Sydal makes one last attempt to get Swann to follow him. They shake hands but Swann isn’t having it! Swann launches himself off the apron, crashing into Sydal on the outside. Sydal climbs underneath the ring. Swann goes after him, allowing Sydal to hit Swann with an unknown weapon from under the ring! Sydal attempts a Hurricanrana off the top but Swann lands on his feet and connects with a superkick! Swann goes for a Hurricanrana of his own but this time, Sydal counters into a powerbomb! A mystery man attacks Swann, allowing Sydal to connect with a unique finishing move to pick up the victory. The mystery man is revealed to be Ethan Page!

My take: A great start to this episode of Impact, but a match that felt less so thanks to the quiet Mexican audience. Swann and Sydal put on another great X-division match, mixing high-flying with power moves (loved Sydal’s powerbomb of Swann off the turnbuckle). Though I’m getting tired of seeing Sydal crawl under the ring apron… It was an interesting idea but now its becomeing a worn-out gimmick.

Match #2: La Parka defeated Eli Drake

The following is courtesy of ImpactWrestling.com:

Eli Drake continues to take his Open Challenge international tonight when Eli allows anyone to face him in a one on one encounter. Who will step up to the challenge? Can anyone stop Eli Drake? The one thing we have learned is that Eli Drake can’t stop being Eli Drake. So far Eli has been very successful in his quest to defeat anyone who has stepped up to the plate in the Eli Drake Open Challenge… Facing La Parka, Drake connects with a big neckbreaker out of the corner. Drake brings a chair into play but La Parka gains possession of it! Drake retreats to the outside. La Parka wins after Drake purposely gets himself counted out!

My take: Another example of a wrestling match being anything but a wrestling match – more an “extended promo” for one or more of the wrestlers involved. This is getting more and more frequent across a number of promotions and, honestly, its becoming as played out as an internet meme. Consider this the polar opposite of the previous match, i.e. not very good at all.

Match #3: Murder Clown defeated Joe Hendry

The following is courtesy of ImpactWrestling.com:

The saying goes that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and now tonight on IMPACT we will see Joe Hendry go one on one with a man handpicked by Katarina and his name is Murder Clown, yes, Murder Clown. It was Katarina who told Grado that their relationship was over, Katarina professed her love to Joe Hendry and that is where things went off the rails. Joe stuck by his best friend Grado and Katarina was left alone and upset. Katarina found herself a weapon to face Joe Thursday on IMPACT and that weapon is Murder Clown! Facing down Joe Hendry, Murder Clown connects with a huge clothesline to take control. Hendry hits an impressive Fallaway Slam to gain the momentary advantage. Murder Clown quickly regains control with another clothesline into the corner. Murder Clown hits a top rope splash to win. After the match, Katarina hits a low blow on Grado. Katarina then holds Hendry down on a table before Murder Clown drives him through with another devastating top rope splash!

My take: Murder Clown demolished Joe Hendry as someone called “Murder Clown” should – and after THAT terrible song about said clown, Hendry deserved every bit of the beatdown. If this wasn’t for the appearance of Joe Hendry in place of a jobber (thoguh sometimes if feels like Hendry is the resident Impact jobber) you could say this was an old-school squash match.

Match #4: Su Yung defeated Kiera Hogan

The following is courtesy of ImpactWrestling.com:

After facing off in a tag team Knockouts Match on IMPACT last week, we will see Su Yung go one on one with Kiera Hogan tonight in Mexico City, Mexico! Can Kiera Hogan secure a victory over the former Knockouts Champion? Can Su Yung recover and pick up a very important victory? Kiera is on fire from the opening bell as she goes on the attack! Su turns it around, slamming Kiera from the top rope to the mat. Kiera connects with a big superkick. Su retreats to the outside but Kiera takes her out with a suicide dive! Su goes for the Panic Switch but Kiera counters into a sit-down powerbomb for a near fall. The Maid of Honor gets up on the apron but Allie comes to the aid of Kiera! Su hits Kiera and Allie with palm strikes, followed by the Panic Switch on Kiera to win.

My take: Kiera Hogan put on a impressive display in the opening of the match, showing more of a fast-paced, almost X-division, style. That was until Su Yung slowed the match down, and slowed Hogan down with her usual mix of brawling and throwing her opponent around the ring. Hogan CLEARLY looked like the better wrestler here, nearly pinning Yung on a couple of ocassions. This was also easily the best match of the night – which is good sign (like it is on WWE’s television output) that women’s wrestling is being given the push, and TV airtime, it deserves.

Match #5: Main Event – Pentagon, Fenix, & Cage defeated oVe

The following is courtesy of ImpactWrestling.com:

oVe get the upper hand in this match as Fenix is draped on the top rope and Callihan hits him with a swinging neckbreaker. All three members of oVe hit in-sync superkicks on Cage, taking him off the apron. oVe goes for the All-Seeing Eye on Fenix but he avoids it and gets the hot tag to Cage! Cage hits a double suplex on both Jake and Dave Crist! Cage is about to attack Callihan when he throws the referee to the mat to get himself intentionally disqualified. The fight continues after the match! Cage hits a deadlift suplex on Jake from inside the ring to the outside, taking out everyone! Meanwhile, Fenix hits a flying corkscrew off the guardrail! Can you imagine what will happen at Bound for Glory when these two teams meet in an oVe rules match?

My take: It’s always a bad sign when a main event match starts with less than fifteen minutes of running time left on a wrestling programme. Which was the case here. Even worse was that small amount of screen time was also wasted on a promo from  Callihan! Thankfully the pace of the match was fast enough that we still got some decent action from all involved. As per usual, the Lucha Bros were the stars of the match, when are they ever not? Essentially this was a teaser for their Bound For Glory match – but with a MASSIVE superplex like the one Cage did from the apron to the floor who cares?!

News Of The Night:

1. Austin Aries cut a, RIDICULOUSLY LONG promo with Johnny Impact to sell their World Title match at Bound For Glory.
2. Desi Hit Squad fight EACH OTHER next week to see who is weaker… A tag team already doomed for a break-up? We’ll see.
3. Ethan Page made his Impact debut – Impact fans may recognise him as Chandler Park, brother of Joseph Park aka Abyss.
4. Scarlett Bordeaux made a Fatal Four Way match for next week with the Petey Williams, Puma King, Trevor Lee and Jack Evans.
5. Tessa Blanchard versus AAA star Keyra was announced for next week.
6. Next weeks’ Impact, the last before Bound For Glory, will feature another Six-Man Tag Team main event.

Final Verdict: 2.5/5

Definitely a mixed bag, again, for Impact Wrestling (how many times can we, and have we, said that?). Some good matches, some bad matches and more promos than ever necessary, made for an average week of TV. But dear god, can we stop with these overly-dramatic Eddie Edwards/Moose vignettes. There’s storytelling and there’s this… Vignettes that are WORSE than the low-budget films we review here on Nerdly, reminding me of the old-school SOV era of filmmaking in the 80s! None of these wrestlers can act, well apart from Johnny Impact, so stop making them please!