‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (August 23rd 2018)
Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have a big main event before the ReDefined event, which is next week. Let’s get to the action!
Match #1: Matt Sydal beat Zachary Wentz
This was a quick spurt of a match that was all about feeding a good wrestler to Sydal, who has built some momentum as a bizarre zen character, as of late. I always worry about wasting a talented fighter like Sydal in short matches like this, but since I never raised the money to buy TNA/Impact, I would suppose that it’s not my problem. I always wonder what decisions I would have made had I actually gotten the funding to make an offer to Dixie Carter. There’s a big chance that I would have been harshly rejected, but had I been able to get the company, I’d like to think that I’d have employed a booking strategy that sees only the biggest draws on Impact.
It’s important to give new people a chance, like Zachary Wentz, but my policy would have been to show clips of wrestlers each week and have the fans vote on who they would be most interested in seeing, instead of random appearances in squash matches. The idea of having no real plan for introducing a new talent is the kind of thinking that can cause detrimental damage to a wrestler’s career, if the wrong decisions are made about a particular athlete. Consider how Wentz has been delivered to us here, not as a shining star of tomorrow, but as merely a target for Sydal to dominate, which may work at a distance, but serves as a reminder that what-ever accomplishments Wentz has accrued in other promotions, still don’t make him good enough to last more than a few minutes against a “real” wrestler. If Wentz is going to be used on television, then he should be presented as a formidable opponent, not as the latest meat-sack for a bigger name to tackle just for a cheap victory. There… no more to complain about. Trains are lazy.
Match #2: KM and Fallah Bahh beat Desi Hit Squad
I feel like I’m watching the WWE again. I thought Impact was supposed to be different now? The action here was fine, but this “Odd Couple” stuff between KM and Bahh feels like a bad joke that has no punch-line. What is the purpose of these two other than to establish that dysfunctional tag teams can beat real tag teams? Why have all of the terrible vignettes that show KM and Bahh as bickering old queens (give all of their dialogue to Robin Williams and Nathan Lane in “The Birdcage” and you’ll get it) when you could build them as tough-as-nails ass-kickers? At least the Desi Hit Squad feels like it has potential.
Match #3: Kiera Hogan beat Alisha Edwards
This was a quick match that didn’t go too far to show what these women are really capable of, but it did get them on television doing some-thing other than shaking their asses, which is still a problem in certain circles of wrestling. It’s nice to see Alisha get to do some-thing other than be a prop for Eddie Edwards to deal with in vignettes. Hogan is pretty good and can be a big deal if they take her seriously. It’s a shame this match was so short, but the premise of the match was correct, so at least we got 2 out of 3…now don’t be sad/2 out of 3 ain’t bad. Actually, it’s 1 out of 2, but Meat-Loaf didn’t write a song called “1 out of 2”, did he?
Match #4: Brandon Tidwell and Mr. Atlantis beat Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley
This wasn’t much of a match. The established team lost to the unknowns because they were too cocky. People always wonder why new people don’t like wrestling and I can tell you that the short, over-booked matches like this one don’t do any league any favors. Why not give these guys thirteen or fourteen minutes to have a match worth remembering? Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero once had one of the greatest wrestling matches ever in thirteen minutes, as did Chris Benoit and William Regal in a similar amount of time. You’ll never get your car started if you keep pulling the key out of the ignition before the engine turns over. Did I get the car reference right? Car go vroom! Any-way, having a regular team lose to a new one should be a big deal, not a rest break between promos.
Match #5: Main Event – Sami Callihan beat Pentagon Jr. – Mexican Death Match
This was the best match of the show and the only one that you’ll care about… probably. This was worked as a garbage match that Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman would feel at home in. Actually, this match veered close to the CZW plunder bouts that Necro Butcher popularized, including his performance in “The Wrestler”. At one point, Pentagon stapled Sami’s hat to his head and pulled the hat off. How in the hell would that get you a fall on another athlete? Well, Pentagon went for it! It didn’t work!
Listen, I get that Don Callis thinks he’s helping bring that ECW inspiration to Impact, but all of this garbage wrestling just feels like a pale imitation of a promotion that needed its promoter to make sense out of all of the mayhem. Why can’t Sami and Pentagon just have a regular Mexican Death Match, like Rey Mysterio and all of his fellow luchadors did in ECW and abroad? Well, I suppose my answer to that question is up my ass to the left. That being said, both men gave great performances here that really drove this match home as a vicious feud, which has become Sami’s specialty this year.
News Of The Night:
- The OGz ran over a little kid named Ritchie in an effort to do the same to the members of LAX.
- Rich Swann explained why he is signed to Impact: they’re popular.
- Austin Aries and Killer Kross fight Moose and Eddie Edwards, next week.
- There was another terrible edition of “The Smoke Show” this week that wasted more television time.
- Allie will fight Su Yung and Tessa Blanchard for the Knockout’s Title in a triple threat match, next week.
Final Verdict: 2.5 out of 5 – The main event was the one, lone thing that got this card a good review. I keep hearing from all of these people that Impact is so much better this year, but I still feel like I’m watching the same crap that I’ve been seeing for years. The roster is just as capable as the next, but you wouldn’t know it based on the pedantic booking. Well, with a word like pedantic I think I must be going for the gold this time, doncha think? Screw it… Eat At Joe’s.
