‘Goon of the Lagoon’ VOD Review
Stars: Tori Ellis, Jenna Karan, Leah Eckardt, Rene Ponce, Andi Schuster, Greg Dorchak, Dawson Mullen, Fumie Suguri | Written by Latasha Choe Johnson | Directed by Gino Raphael Payne
Every so often, a film comes along with a title so gloriously silly you want to root for it. Goon of the Lagoon (did no one think to question the use of the term “goon” given its modern-day connotations?) is one of those movies: the kind of throwback creature-feature that promises rubber-suit chaos, lakeside mayhem, and the sort of late-night schlock energy that built entire VHS empires. I was hoping for the next Slithis – a personal fave – what I got was something schlocky, yes, but it takes itself seriously enough that the film’s scares are still remarkably effective.
Visually, Goon of the Lagoon often punches above its weight. The cinematography makes clever use of natural light and the lakeside setting, giving the film a sheen that absolutely belies its budget. A lot of the film’s atmosphere comes from how well the film is shot – moody, isolated and genuinely eerie when it needs to be. But then there’s the opening credits… and it suddenly looks like someone discovered the default templates in iMovie and thought, “Yep, that’ll do.” It’s a bizarre mismatch: the film proper strives for indie polish, while the credit sequence screams “student project.” It doesn’t tank the movie, but it definitely starts it off on the wrong foot.
In terms of plot, Goon of the Lagoon is a tale as old as time; our heroine Mia (Karan) has suffered the loss of her mother due to drowning, leaving her terrified of the water. So, of course, she takes a vacation to a lakeside house with her boyfriend Kai (Mullen), his best friend, Angel (Ponce), and another of the latter’s latest girlfriends, Vicki (Ellis). As per genre films, weird things start to happen – along with whispers of something monstrous stirring beneath the surface of the cabin’s lake. When her boyfriend Kai disappears, Mia becomes determined to find out what’s going on and to confront the evil lurking in the depths, exposing a terror no one else believes exists… and – turns out – it’s not JUST a creature in the lake!
OK, so the plot is one walking cliche, one that we’ve seen a myriad of times before – hell, it was even the plot of Friday the 13th Part 7! Though that film swapped a quirky aquatic monster for an undead camper turned serial killer. Yet to the film’s credit, these familiar beats are handled with enough sincerity and atmosphere that they still land more often than not.
Speaking of quirky. One of the strangest quirks surrounding Goon of the Lagoon isn’t even in the movie – it’s in the credits. Word is the monster is performed by none other than Fumie Suguri, yes, the 18-time medal-winning figure-skating icon, which would instantly make this one of the most wonderfully random casting choices in creature-feature history. Suguri is even credited as a producer as the credits roll! Even stranger, Suguri is nowhere to be found on the film’s IMDb page, as if the lagoon itself swallowed her résumé. If the rumours are true, it’s a baffling decision: why wouldn’t you trumpet a world-famous athlete bringing your rubber-suited terror to life? It adds another layer of oddball charm to a film already swimming in it.
When all’s said and done, Goon of the Lagoon is a surprisingly effective horror that will no doubt struggle to find an audience thanks to its terrible title. And it shouldn’t. Despite a cliched plot and the occasional overwrought performance, director Gino Raphael Payne has crafted a truly atmospheric horror that, bargain-bin name aside, is well worth a watch for creature-feature lovers, with Payne’s commitment to atmosphere ultimately pushing this one over the line.
*** 3/5
Goon of the Lagoon is available on digital platforms now.
