‘Crocodile Swarm’ VOD Review
Stars: Lauren Staerck, Coco Taylor, Ella Starbuck, Lila Lasso, Gillian Broderick, Tiernan Mullane, Howard J. Davey, Romulus Hotea | Written by Scott Chambers | Directed by Tyler-James
Crocodile Swarm is the latest micro-budget creature feature birthed from the same British filmmaking circle responsible for the Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey cinematic… “universe.” This round comes from Dark Abyss Productions – a company we don’t talk about too often in the world of low-to-no-budget UK genre fare. It’s run by Rhys Frake-Waterfield, here hiding behind the very subtle pseudonym “Tyler-James,” and yes, the same man who once asked Nerdly to scrub his real name from a pair of nursery-rhyme horrors he produced. Amusingly, those two films were much better than anything involving a homicidal honey addict!
The story kicks off when a young woman vanishes after exploring a cave system with friends. Days pass with no word, and her sister decides the best course of action is to gather some mates, hop on a boat, and wander into what the script insists is an “abandoned mine.” Once underground, they run straight into a swarm of crocodiles, because of course they do, and spend the rest of the film scrambling around tunnels trying not to become reptilian hors d’oeuvres.
To the film’s credit, the cave location is actually refreshing. These productions are normally locked inside a house or some anonymous woodland where the budget has clearly been blown on a mask and a fog machine. Here, though, the crew shoots in a real cave system. Granted, it looks exactly like a well-lit tourist attraction – safety rails, spotless walkways, ambience lighting and all – but it’s still a more ambitious backdrop than the usual “random Airbnb.” And the sound design is surprisingly competent, avoiding the expected echo-chamber disaster.
The pacing zips along too. Crocodiles show up early, keep popping up, and there’s a decent amount of “oh no, we’re lost!” tension. Performances are a mixed bag, but they’re not all a complete car-crash. One actor pulls off a fairly convincing Australian accent, and while the lead spends a lot of time sobbing and shrieking, it’s honestly not far from how most people would react if dropped into a killer Croc’s holiday home.
Now for the big problem: the CGI. Most of these crocodiles look like someone rendered them on a laptop held together with tape, like they’ve escaped from an early-2000s homemade shareware game – flat, jittery, and at times looking like they’ve been cut-and-pasted into the film from an entirely different project. It’s all digital, all the time, and the budget shows every single time a reptile wiggles into frame. Give me one practical effect, please… Please!
The script doesn’t help itself either. Calling this place an “abandoned mine” is adorable. There’s no debris, no old equipment, no grime – just a tourist route painted brown. The characters also stroll into the caves without helmets, ropes, radios, or anything resembling basic safety gear. And the film insists on playing everything with a straight face when a dose of tongue-in-cheek pulp would have made this infinitely more fun.
Still, Crocodile Swarm isn’t the worst of these “we made this in three days and hope you won’t notice” creature features. If you can forgive the geography, swallow the dodgy VFX, and watch it the way it needs to be watched: brain fully disengaged, it offers a smidge of disposable reptile-based entertainment.
** 2/5
Crocodile Swarm is available on digital platforms now.
