‘Everyone is Going To Die’ Review

Stars: Brad Moore, Gledisa Arthur, Chiara D’Anna, Jaime Winstone, Richard Cotton | Written and Directed by Craig Tuohy

Everyone Is Going to Die is a new thriller about Daniel (Brad Moore; They’re Outside, London Horror Story), a wealthy businessman who is trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter Imogen (Gledisa Arthur; EastEnders, Heckle) while she is on suspension from school for punching a supposed friend who slept with her boyfriend. Since it’s also her birthday, the timing seems perfect.

However, before they can do much reconnecting they see someone (Chiara D’Anna; Midnight Peepshow, Berberian Sound Studio) wandering around in the yard wearing a mask that looks like a poor copy of the theatrical tragedy mask. While Daniel is telling them to get off his property another intruder, this one wearing a comedy mask (Jaime Winstone; Elfie Hopkins: Cannibal Hunter, Tomb Raider) and carrying a shotgun.

It’s not a random robbery attempt either, the pair have an unspecified grievance with Daniel, so the rest of the movie involves them humiliating him in front of his daughter and threatening her when it suits their purposes. Apparently, she deserves it for failing to be born to a father they approve of. Given the rhetoric they spout, about the only father they would approve of would be a turkey baster.

As the film goes on, the true motivation behind the home invasion is eventually revealed, and while the reason is undeniably disturbing, getting to that revelation requires slogging through an hour and a half with characters that are difficult, if not impossible to care about. That and a plot that’s so steeped in misandry that it’s hard to believe it was written and directed by a man, Craig Tuohy (Alexa, Play Thunderstorms…, War of Words: Battle Rap in the UK).

Everyone Is Going to Die reveals its bias against Daniel right from the beginning revealing that he’s into kinky sex, which in films like this is the equivalent of showing him committing rape. He’s also, as we learn from his conversation with his business lawyer Phil (Richard Cotton; The Three Dumas, The Living and the Dead), not a nice person in general.

As Everyone Is Going to Die progresses, the true motivation behind the home invasion is eventually revealed, and while the reason is undeniably disturbing, getting to that revelation requires slogging through an hour and a half with characters that are difficult, if not impossible, to care about. Because while Daniel is an unlikable protagonist, the intruders themselves fail to come across as compelling villains. The film wants the audience to side with them against Daniel, but their actions contradict any sense of moral high ground they attempt to claim. Their vendetta against him is undermined by their willingness to terrorize an innocent teenage girl, making it hard to take them seriously. It also makes the film’s final image hard to believe.

In fact, one of the most egregious aspects of the film is its double standard when it comes to sexual violence. The intruders force Daniel into humiliating situations involving sex toys and even make him perform a sex act on one of them. If the roles were reversed and this was a story about male intruders doing the same things to a female protagonist, audiences would be outraged. Yet, the film seems to operate under the assumption that these acts are somehow more acceptable because they are being inflicted on a man. This blatant hypocrisy makes the film’s attempts at social commentary feel hollow.

Despite its provocative themes and violent content, Everyone Is Going to Die lacks the suspense of films like Funny Games and doesn’t even manage to create the sleazy atmosphere of something like House on the Edge of the Park despite its more sensational content. As a result, despite not even running ninety minutes, Everyone Is Going to Die feels incredibly long, and to make matters worse, it ends with a terrible song playing over the credits, one final insult to an already tedious experience.

* 1/5

For those who still want to check it out, Everyone Is Going to Die is available in select US cinemas and on digital and VOD via Saban Films. The film also screens as part of the Romford Horror Film Festival on Sunday, March 2nd.
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Review originally posted on Voices From the Balcony