‘Nightmare on 34th Street’ VOD Review
Stars: Caroline Boulton, Lucy Pinder, Dani Thompson, Ewen MacIntosh, Andy Gatenby, Adam Greaves-Neal | Written and Directed by James Crow
With a title like Nightmare on 34th Street, I was initially hoping for a horror take on the classic Christmas story Miracle on 34th Street but I soon realised this wasn’t the case as this started shaping up as a horror anthology. But that’s okay. A horror anthology with some loose connections on that story could be pretty good too. But this wasn’t the case either. They’ve just chucked that kind of Christmas-sounding title on this Christmas horror anthology.
After the initial disappointment, I was ready to enjoy the movie though. Horror anthologies are a subgenre I generally enjoy but Nightmare on 34th Street is, at best, a mixed bag.
Initially, what turned out to be my favourite segment I didn’t actually like at first because I thought it was trying to be a serious Krampus story. Once I realised that it was supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek comedy, I got a lot more enjoyment from it. It’s dumb and the humour is often childish but I thought Leslie Mills as Krampus did a great job with the comedy and delivery of his lines. Don’t expect a gory, serious Christmas Devil story, and I’m sure you’ll like it too.
For me, the rest of the stories were mediocre at best. The ventriloquist who uses a ‘killer’ snowman as his doll, is actually a fun idea for a story but the segment seems to go on forever! And it always feels a bit chaotic in the direction it is heading. Unfortunately, like most of the movie, any of the deaths happen off-screen and we just see bodies lying motionless, leaving viewers to imagine how the characters were killed. I understand this is almost definitely because of restrictions (probably budgetary) but I’d like to have seen some gore and blood here.
The story of a priest, who now has dementia goes down an obvious path. There’s some decent imagery in this segment but the twist ending made absolutely no sense at all. If you try to logically work out the ending, it just seems very very ridiculous. Unfortunately, the wrap around segment (An evil Santa telling these stories to a child), and a pretty standard slasher segment that is low on kills, are forgettable.
There are some interesting cameos though. Lucy Pinder stars as a main character in one segment. It’s not the first time she’s starred in the genre because I’ve seen her previously show up in Strippers Vs Werewolves and Sharknado 5: Global Swarming. Ewen MacIntosh, most famous for playing Keith in the U.K. version of The Office, has a very small role here too. Again, he’s no stranger to horror, and previously featured in the underappreciated duo Killer Weekend and Shed of the Dead. In the minute or two he features here, he shows more charisma and better comedic timing than anyone else in the movie.
Considering Nightmare on 34th Street features a killer Santa and snowman, AND Krampus, the film doesn’t feel half as festive as it should. They did at least have real snow and I appreciated that! It does manage to conjure up some cool imagery occasionally – I must mention the surprisingly haunting children wrapped completely in wrapping paper – but overall, Nightmare on 34th Street feels way too long and not entertaining enough.
Nightmare on 34th Street is available on digital platforms now.
