‘Titanic 666’ Review (Tubi Original)
Stars: Keesha Sharp, AnnaLynne McCord, Derek Yates, Jamie Bamber, Lydia Hearst, Joseph Gatt | Written by Jacob Cooney, Jason White | Directed by Nick Lyon
After Swim and War of the Worlds: Annihilation, Tubi and The Asylum have teamed up again, this time for Titanic 666. This time they’re sending the Titanic III, (Titanic II was a 2010 film from The Asylum), on its maiden voyage, which includes a stop directly over the wreck of the original, a movie the ship’s owners had to know was tempting fate.
Titanic 666 actually opens with a brief segment showing the sinking of the original Titanic and spoofing James Cameron’s epic before settling into the main story. Captain Celeste Rhoades (Keesha Sharp; Born Guilty, Lethal Weapon), and her crew set sail with a ship full of the rich and famous which includes superstar influencers Mia Stone (AnnaLynne McCord; King Knight, Tone-Deaf) and her husband Jackson (Derek Yates; The Rebels of PT-218, The Locksmith).
Professor Hal Cochran (Jamie Bamber; Inferno: Skyscraper Escape, Battlestar Galactica) and some of his collection of relics from the original are also along for the trip. There’s someone else (Lydia Hearst; The Haunting of Sharon Tate, Psycho Sister-In-Law) on board that nobody knows about, however. A descendent of the Titanic’s captain Edward Smith has stowed away. She’s also a witch and has plans to use those relics in a ritual whose results you can probably guess.
Director Nick Lyon (Shockwave: Countdown to Disaster, The Surprise Visit) and writers Jacob Cooney (The Assault, 5 Headed Shark Attack) and Jason White (Drowning in Secrets, Scarecrow) should have taken this stew of ideas and gone the Sharknado route with it, playing its absurd premise to the max. Instead, they play Titanic 666 straight, losing the chance for some over-the-top fun.
It also means that several of the script’s issues that wouldn’t have mattered become an issue when the material is taken seriously. Most notably the ship is leaving from New York, which was the Titanic’s destination so it’s hardly retracing the original’s course. The script also makes a point of the high security on the trip, even introducing a special security agent Bryan Andrews (Joseph Gatt; Never Leave Alive, Thor). But The Witch with No Name simply comes aboard in a suitcase. No scanning or suspicions about such a heavy piece of luggage?
To their credit, Titanic 666 does bring the ghosts in by the half-hour mark and they are creepy looking with their frozen, waterlogged bodies and hollow eyes. They promptly screw with the ship’s electronics and drag Jackson off to wherever they came from. It’s a promising if somewhat generic start.
Unfortunately, the film promptly ruins what should have been a great decapitation with CGI that’s even worse than scenes of the ship itself. The Asylum has been using a better quality of CGI in some of its recent films but this is back to the bottom of the barrel. The scenes of Titanic III leaving port are so bad the ship and dock are out of proportion as well as being so poorly composited together they look like they’re in different scenes. Titanic 666 was filmed onboard the Queen Mary, so at least the interior shots look great.
Titanic 666 rapidly turns into a series of fairly standard jump scares that could still have been a lot of fun if the effects hadn’t sucked so badly. Even the way the ghosts move, via jump-cut teleportation, is silly rather than frightening. The result is the filmic equivalent of background noise. Titanic 666 is something you can put on as a distraction while you make dinner or maybe for Tubi and Chill if your budget doesn’t run to Netflix. But giving it your full attention is not recommended.
*½ 1.5/5
Titanic 666 is a Tubi Original and is available exclusively on their platform where it is available. I’m not sure what the plans are for distribution elsewhere.
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