20th Sep2021

‘AEW: Rampage’ Review (Sept 17th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Rampage review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and it’s Marlboro time! KAUFKAUFKAUFKAUFKAUFKAUF!!!!!! Rampage has a few matches here. Miro fights Pogo El Soap for the TNT Title in the main event. Plus, The Lunch Boys defend the tag strap-ons against Ponderosa Steakhouse! Tahat’s one tasty prize fight! Let’s get to it!

Match #1: The Lucha Bros def The Butcher And The Blade – AEW World Tag Team Titles Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Lucha Bros used an assisted splash on The Butcher for a near fall. Penta El Zero Miedo chopped away at The Butcher’s chest but The Butcher fired back with a massive meat hook of a punch. Penta El Zero Miedo hit sling blade clotheslines on The Butcher and The Blade. Rey Fenix jumped off the top rope to the outside onto The Butcher and Penta El Zero Miedo continued the aerial assault onto Blade! Penta El Zero Miedo used a monkey flip, tossing Blade into the Butcher! Rey Fenix tagged in and hit a German suplex on Butcher. He followed up with a German suplex on Blade for a near fear! They connected with the Fear Factor but Butcher made the save for his tag partner Blade. Blade powerslammed Penta El Zero Miedo for a near fall. Blade tied Penta El Zero Miedo’s mask into the ropes, isolating him in the corner. The Butcher and The Blade assaulted Rey Fenix as Penta El Zero Miedo was all tied up! Penta El Zero Miedo took off his mask, while still concealing his identity, to come to the aid of his brother. Rey Fenix finished off Blade for the pin! Private Party and the rest of HFO jumped in to continue the assault after the match on the Lucha Bros, but then Santana and Ortiz sprinted to the ring to even up the odds for Penta El Zero Miedo and Rey Fenix!

The Verdict: 8 out of 10 – Hey! It’s a pizza! Issa gotsa headlocks and anda armabars anda toeaholdsa and alla da gooda stuff! The challengers worked hard to make this very exciting. Pinto bean: Welcome to the 2021 National Russian Roulette Championship Game Finals! Big Bob Baines is defending the championship against challenger Mick “Duck ‘N Cover” Calhoun! Bob has the pistol near his head! Click! Click! Somebody stop him! The son of a b–ch has gone off the deep end! He came here to play! Mick takes the stage. Click! As Mick wipes the piss off his wang, Bob rushes the stage! BANG! The bullet went through and he is down! We have a new champion! Mick played the game well against a bullet-proof competitor and won! I wonder where that bullet went? Me: Ow. I gotta stop doing renting the room next to the Russian Roulette league. This match had a lot of excellent stunts and slams. The champi…ughhhhh…champions worked hard to sellllllll…uggggghhhhhhhhh…the…knife guys. They…ummmm…ugggghhhh…moved a lot. It was very…goooooooooood. I gotta…gotta take a nap. I’m tired. Ughhhhhhhh…SPLAT!

Match #2: Anna Jay def The Bunny

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Anna Jay and The Bunny immediately began brawling outside the ring! Anna Jay suplexed The Bunny outside the ring! Anna Jay hit The Bunny with a Northern Lights suplex. They traded forearms outside the ring and The Bunny blasted Anna Jay’s shoulder with a thrust kick! The Bunny rammed Anna Jay into the ringside barricade! The Bunny was trying to pull Anna Jay’s shoulder out of the socket! Back in the ring, Anna Jay used a flipping neck breaker for a near fall on The Bunny, but Anna’s shoulder was clearly bothering her. Penelope Ford jumped on the apron trying to distract Anna Jay but Tay Conti wasn’t having any of it! Tay pulled Penelope back down. The plan backfired on Penelope Ford and The Bunny—Anna rolled up The Bunny and pinned her! After the match, Penelope Ford pulled out a pair of brass knuckles and rocked Tay Conti and Anna Jay with knockout shots!

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – It was over before it could begin and it was pretty dull, but it was lively. Anna won and needed to. There you go.

Match #3: Miro def Fuego del Sol – TNT Title Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Fuego used a drop step to get behind Miro. He tried a chop to Miro’s chest and then followed up with kicks. Fuego pulled down the top rope and Miro went over it to the arena floor. Fuego tried for a pescado but Miro caught him! Miro plucked Fuego out of midair and flung him overhead, backwards, with Fuego crashing hard onto the arena floor! Miro began to toy with Fuego Del Sol in the ring, hurling him with huge hip tosses. Miro smashed Fuego with a running elbow, landing squarely on Fuego’s chest! Fuego blindsided Miro with a kick to the head. Fuego spring boarded off the ropes but Miro swatted him out of the air like a wasp! Fuego slipped out of a DDT from Miro and then Fuego hit a double foot stomp on Miro! Fuego signaled for the tornado DDT but Miro was done playing games and began to beat the hell out of Fuego with fists! Miro waffled Fuego with two pump kicks to the head, and then he pinned Fuego. Miro took Fuego’s car keys and rammed them in Fuego’s throat. Miro locked on the Game Over submission! “The Spanish God” Sammy Guevara ran down to the ring and nailed Miro with a knee strike! Sammy hoisted up Miro’s TNT Championship!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – It all looked good and turned out well. Miro got a challenge from Fuego, but Miro was still the dominant brute. Miro looks like a talking tomato can. The action was heavy and brutal. Mother Theresa: It’s very nice to meet you. Me: I know you work in under-developed countries, but I want you to tell me if this looks under-developed. ZIP! MT: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Me: Goofy broad. Well, there’s not much to report here. Miro dominated Fuego. Darla The Dominatrix: Are you ready for your punishment? Me: I don’t know. Are you ready for this? ZIP! Darla: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Me: Goofy broad. I bet she’s the patron saint of rump-rangers. I enjoyed seeing… Kathren Moldoon: You can’t show you’re penis to people without their permission! Tommy Dreamer: Grow up! Me: Why can’t I show them the pecker? KM: You can, but only if they ask or agree willingly! Me: Oh. I never thought of it like that. TD: Don’t listen to her! You were joking! Me: Well, I was, but they weren’t in on the joke. I do feel bad. Miro: Are gonna finish talking about my match? Me: No. TD: I’ll kill you! BANG! Me: I’m glad I had this pistol to shoot that perv with. KM: Oh my God! Murder’s worse! Me: Oh. Well then you’ll hate this. KM: No! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!! BANG! Me: Oh grow up, assholes. It’s an article. It’s fake. It’s not real. I’m sitting in my bed naked while listening to the best of Bob and Tom while writing this. I made up half the people in this paragraph alone. Anyway, this match was good for Miro and that’s about it.

Final Verdict: 7/10

This was simple and easy all the way. I had a good time here. I wish this is what Dynamite was like. Okay. I’m hungry. I’ll see you next time.

Off

Comments are closed.