17th Sep2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Sept 15th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we’re here with Carol Burnett to take part in one of her Q&As. Carol Burnett: Thanks pork-pie. Okay, you right there. Amanda: Did Harvey Korman really bite Ruth Buzzi? Carol: Uh huh! By accident, of course. He thought she was beef jerky. You over there. Carl: Hi. Carol: Hi. What’s your name, handsome? Carl: Carl. Carol: Carl. Boy, you’re a hunk. What’s your question? Carl: Who’d win in a fight…you or Lucille Ball? Carol: Lucille would Desi Arnez my ass, unless she made a crack about my teeth…then she’d fly to the f–kin’ moon! I’ve got a question for you. Are you single? No? Hmm. Is your wife allergic to poison? Yeah? Tell me more later. Okay. You, right over there. David Schultz: Shut up, you talkin’ tooth-pick! Carol: I beg your pardon? David: I came to this show to see me a woman! I wanted a woman and I couldn’t find a woman, but I found me a man that looks like a woman! Carol: You mean me?! David: Tuck ya nuts in buddy! We all can see the early bird catchin’ the worm! Paul Lynde: Hey there pally-boy! I think you’re disgusting!!!! David: Shut’cha mouth! Carol: Hey! Get off the stage you big, dumb lummox! David: Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these! Carol: Look at those…balls…yum!!!!! David: Get’choo some, woman! Paul: Ewwwwww!!!!!!!! David: Ain’t choo got a date with the pavement?! Paul: What? PUNCH! Carol: Paul! Are you… Me: Okay. I’m leaving. Dynamite starts now.

[Author’s Note: Darby Allin, who is accused of rape by multiple people, is on this show and if that alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: Adam Cole def. Frankie Kazarian

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Frankie and Cole started with beautiful catch-as-catch-can wrestling. Cole sent Kaz over the top rope and he went crashing down hard onto the arena floor. Adam Cole pump-kicked Frankie right in the mush! Frankie rolled up Cole and then twisted him in a pretzel-like submission maneuver! Cole kicked his way out of it. Kaz blocked a thrust kick from Cole and countered with a reverse suplex for a near fall. He crushed Cole with double knees in the corner. Kaz got blasted by a superkick from Cole for his troubles! Cole headed up to the top rope for the Panama City Sunrise but Kaz had it scouted! Frankie hit a springboard leg drop off the ropes for a near fall on Cole. They traded strikes and Kaz fired back with a lariat. Cole spiked Kaz with the Panama City Sunrise! He finished off Kaz with a running knee, pinning him for the victory!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – Upwards of ten minutes and completely serviceable, this was a decent debut for Adam that was with the right sort of person. This was athletic and steady, but it was a lot of nothing being ventured, so nothing was in fact gained beyond the automatic. Adam was much slower than he was in NXT, which is probably as much to do with not having to perform the NXT style as it was just him working slower. It’s strange seeing the swift and quick Adam actually get to wrestle instead of perform, but it is welcome. That being said, this match was also a bit too much of an indy match slowed to a crawl in some parts, which sorta drained this rainbow of the color near the end. Frankie did a nice job losing to ol’ Cole and that makes this very average match a decent start to a decent card.

Match #2: FTR def. Matt Sydal/Dante Martin

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Dax smashed Dante in the corner with forearms. Dante tried to spring over the top rope but Cash kicked him, altering his trajectory, knocking him to the arena floor. Cash punished the chest of Dante with chops. He rammed Dante into the steel ring post. FTR tried to double team Dante but Dante outmaneuvered them and made the tag to Matt Sydal! Dante and Matt used an incredible double springboard off the ropes onto FTR on the outside of the ring! Dante defied gravity with a head of steam and delivered dropkicks to FTR! Wheeler struggled with a backslide and ate a hurracanrana from Matt Sydal! FTR rallied back with the Big Rig on Dante for the pin!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – This was like the first match. FTR did their old-school revue routine and it looked good, but it still feels like imitation wrestling, rather than actual wrestling. I’ve always heard that George South teaches you to think for yourself, but it seems like all he taught FTR how to do was to copy The Brain-Busters as a tribute, not unlike a cover band. FTR desperately needs to make their team their own and not just go through the motions of a proper match. When I see FTR wrestle, my first reaction is to get up and take a piss. I don’t, because I love the old-fashioned wrestling techniques they employ, but not the way they use them. With the way FTR has been wrestling, it doesn’t matter if The Young Bucks are sabotaging them, because FTR ain’t doing themselves any favors being as hot as an ice-cube. Sydal and Dante were exciting with their moves, but it felt like they were just having to compensate for FTR being so uninspired. This match was marginally good and that’s only by rote and not by effort. FTR can wrestle this match in their sleep, but it’s the one they have to be awake for that I’m interested in. Maybe FTR will figure that out before it’s too late, but if they don’t they can always just coast some more.

Match #3: Jade Cargill def. Leyla Hirsch

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Leyla took down Jade and began to ground and pound. Leyla swept out Jade’s legs and then hit a running dropkick in the corner! Leyla transitioned into a cross arm breaker. Jade muscled out and powerbombed Leyla. Leyla avoided a pump kick from Jade, and Leyla followed up with aback suplex for a near fall. Leyla rocketed to the outside with a tope suicida and then a running knee for a near fall! Jade moved out of the way from Leyla’s moonsault. Jade pump kicked Leyla and then pancaked her with her Jaded finisher, pinning Leyla!

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – Jade is looking better, but it was Leyla that deserves the praise for the stability of this middling match. Jade did some big moves well and all that, but Leyla kept Jade in line and made the finish work. This was short and over before it could go wrong, so that’s fine. Carol: Oh God! My feet are behind my ears! David: Y’all look like Dumbo! Me: What? That’s…huh…Dumbo.

Match #4: Darby Allin def. Shawn Spears

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Spears immediately went after Darby! He rammed Darby into the steel steps on the outside of the ring! Spears sandwiched Darby’s head between the steps and Spear’s own knee! Darby fought back and was about to go for a tope suicida but Tully Blanchard moved into the way—Darby stopped before he took flight. Spears pulled Darby by the ankle and Darby landed on his head right on the ring apron! Spears grabbed a towel and rubbed the face paint off Darby! Spears locked Darby into a Scorpion Death Lock right in front of Sting. Darby grabbed the bottom rope and forced the ref to break the hold. Darby hit a basement dropkick on Spears and then the Code Red for a near fall. Darby limped to the turnbuckles and climbed them. Spears met him but Darby swept out Spears’ leg. Spears grabbed Darby by his chain necklace and yanked him down! Spears was looking for the C4 on the ring steps but Darby countered! Darby sent himself crashing into Spears and then hit the Coffin Drop for the pin on Spears!

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – This didn’t do much or go too long. Darby is getting stale. Darby is just doing spots and hitting the play button on his greatest hits album because he knows he can get away with it. Shawn, who is actually trying to get more interesting and is doing well in that regard, is stuck as The Chairman, which makes him look like a geek. Darby phoned it in and did his dives and his bumps and just followed a formula the whole time. This never felt like a fight. Shawn was forced to do all the work and, in doing so, put himself in the position to not get any of the credit, because it was all in an effort to set-up Darby’s schtick. That all being said, it didn’t kill the show dead, so that’s something.

Match #5: (Main Event) Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston def. 2point0

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

2point0 and Daniel Garcia tried to jump Moxley before the bell. Moxley chopped Parker, but Parker gouged Mox’s eyes. Parker tagged out to Matt Lee. Mox bit Matt Lee’s forehead! 2point0 double teamed Moxley with tandem offense. After a stiff lariat, Mox finally got the tag to Eddie Kingston! Kingston fired off machine gun chops on Matt Lee! He followed up with a spinning back fist on Parker and then a DDT. Kingston and Moxley wrecked Jeff Parker with a combination exploder suplex and lariat. Mox pinned Parker! Suzuki’s music hit! While Suzuki was entering the ring to face Moxley, Archer pulled Kingston out by the ankles. Kingston and Archer began brawling around the Prudential Center! Moxley and Suzuki fought on top of the time keeper’s table, trading lefts and rights! Mox spiked Suzuki in the eye with the microphone!

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – This was a couple of moves and some bumps. Jon and Eddie did their routine as a team and 2point0 bumped for them. This didn’t go very long or accomplish a lot or…it was just boring. Let’s get right to it. You could use this as a piss-break match…and this was the main event! The fact that a weak main event was allowed on TV is just a cryin’ shame. David: Row! Row! Row ya boat! Right on up Main Street! Carol: I’m spread eagle and I love it! Me: I can’t hear you! LALALALALALALALA!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 5/10

The matches didn’t get a lot of time on this show, but the promos did. That means this wasn’t much of a show. Bryan Danielson challenged Kenny Omega to a fight next week. Fuego Del Sol challenged Miro to a title versus car match for the TNT Title on Rampage. The Lucha Bros will fight Butcher and Blade on Rampage. Evil Uno continues to let his ego destroy The Dark Order. Matt Hardy wants to shave Orange Cassidy’s head. Chris Jericho saved a grating change-the-channel promo from Dan Lambert and set-up a match between Jericho and Jake Hager versus the team of Men Of The Year. Taz and his son Hook helped Powerhouse Hobbs attack CM Punk to set-up a match between the two for the two-hour Rampage next week. Yeah. Grand Slam happens next week and runs through Dynamite and a special two-hour Rampage that also has Adam Cole and The Young Bucks re-uniting the Super-Clique to fight Christian Cage, Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus. Sting and Darby Allin fight FTR next week. Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston brawled with Minoru Suzuki and Lance Archer in a fight that went longer than the actual main event. That’s the issue. The matches were secondary to the build toward the matches for next week. If you can’t bring me great matches this week, then why would I trust you to do it next week?

Adam Cole and Frankie Kazarian should have main evented at around 17 minutes this week to establish that Adam is a main event competitor and not just Tony Khan’s latest flavor of the month. This whole show was just promos. I used to hate when TNA did this and I hate seeing WWE and AEW do it. If you’ve got a promo that’s so good that it has to be seen, then why don’t you just buy commercial spots during an NFL game or an MMA card and have it there, so you can actually entice people to come watch the show? Why are you having promos on the show itself? I’m already here. When you have promos on the show, all you do is give me the impression that you have no faith in the matches you’ve booked and you now have to compensate for the lack of confidence you have in what you’ve already sold me on. I don’t need a reason for each match to exist. Everybody should be going after the World Title. Why is Bryan Danielson the only one talking about the World Title right now? Everybody should be flapping their yap about wanting to take the strap off of Omega. This league is so focused on what they have and can get that they forget about what they’re supposed to be doing with it when they have it in their grasp. Adam Cole hasn’t even mentioned the World Title yet. If I have to listen to him say “story time” again I’ll shave my head…which I already do. It’s an easy sacrifice.

What about Andrade El Idolo’s extra-strength heel turn? Andrade turned heel on his own heel manager! How is that not the focal point of discussion on AEW TV? Andrade is so evil that he attacks his own people for barely stealing his spot-light for half a second! That’s a heel people…a real one. MJF cut another “turn the TV off” promo about Brian Pillman Jr. and even copied the Randy Orton “Eddie’s in Hell!” bit in regards to Brian Pillman himself. I’m at the point, both due to his personal conduct and his overall regression as a heel, where I’d like to never see MJF again. If I wasn’t reviewing this show, I’d skip over everything MJF does…including his matches against big stars. The little asshole needs to get his s–t together, because he’s talking himself out of relevancy. There it is again…talking…promos. Only wrestling geeks wanna watch talking on a wrestling show or are willing to give compliments to promos on a wrestling show. The Rock, Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Roddy Piper and a few select others could get away with it, but that’s because those promos were all about fighting, here and now and this instant. That being said, The Rock is the only person who can actually say he’s gotten people to pay to see him talk. One person is not enough to reset an entire sport around. Fake…fixed…I don’t care. Wrestling only works if you treat it like a sport, so why waste time trying to treat this like Hollywood? The vast majority of people just want two hours of action that makes sense and has just enough context to give them an idea of who the stars are and who could be. If people wanted to watch beef-cake dinner theater, they’d watch OJ lie in court. Well, I… David: Here comes the love gun! You gonna git shot! Carol: Open fire! BANG! BANG! Me: Thanks for the idea. See you next time. Hey! Does anybody have a mop? I’ve got a lot of cum and blood to clean up.

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