‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Aug 25th 2021)

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have the fallout from CM Punk’s official arrival into AEW. He’s All Elite! Wouldn’t it be better to just call him Elite? Calling every new signing All Elite is bad grammar…Kelsey Grammer. Scrambled eggs! On this show, we have a bunch of matches I don’t remember and Malakai Black fighting Brock Anderson, because Tommy End still wants to mooch off of his mediocre WWE run instead of investing in his fantastic run before the WWE. If I were Tommy, I’d be less obsessed about my failed WWE run and more intent on getting people to ask if I had wrestled somewhere before the WWE under a different name. Well, since I am about to go out on a date with Dave Thomas from SCTV, I think I need to get my moose boots on. Dave Thomas: Marjorine! We have to get the ham out of here! Me: Coming! Well, while this b–ch gets wined, dined and plowed, why don’t you enjoy Dynamite? BOOM!

[Author’s Note: Darby Allin, who has been accused of rape multiple times and has not been found guilty or innocent in a court of law at this time, is on this and if that alarms of upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: Orange Cassidy def. Matt Hardy

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Hardy put his hands in his pocket and pulled out wads of cash. Cassidy dropkicked him, sending the cash flying. Cassidy attempted a tope suicida but Hardy caught him on the outside of the ring and planted him with a Side Effect on the arena floor. Orange Cassidy rallied back, changing the momentum, ramming Hardy’s head into the turnbuckles. Cassidy tried for the Beach Break but Hardy countered with splash mountain for a near fall. Orange took another chance and finally hit the tope suicida and then a swinging DDT for a two-count! Hardy’s nose was busted wide open! Cassidy climbed to the top and then splashed Hardy with a beautiful senton! Cassidy was about to go for the Twist of Fate but Hardy bull rushed him into the turnbuckles. Cassidy came back with the Twist of Fate for a near fall! Hardy ducked the Orange Punch and almost locked in his Leech finisher—but Orange Cassidy sat down onto Hardy and pinned him!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10

Match #2: The Lucha Bros def. The Varsity Blonds

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Jurassic Express were watching from ringside. The Young Bucks, along with The Good Brothers and Brandon Cutler, brought out chairs and scouted the match from the stage. Rey Fenix chopped at Griff. Rey Fenix ducked a high boot from Garrison. Pillman and Penta El Zero Miedo both tagged in. This was the same building that Pillman’s father wrestled Jushin “Thunder” Liger in their legendary match. Pillman, Jr. hit a massive thrust kick on Penta El Zero Miedo. Penta El Zero Miedo connected with a sling blade on Pillman, Jr. Penta El Zero Miedo followed up with a massive overhand chop to Pillman, Jr. Rey Fenix blasted Pillman with thrust kicks and then a springboard dropkick! He followed up with a cutter to Brian Pillman, Jr. Griff Garrison jumped in to break up the pin. Pillman dropkicked Penta El Zero Miedo to the outside. He got carried away though and the inexperience cost him. The Lucha Bros showed off their spectacular tandem offense on the Varsity Blonds! The Lucha Bros connected with stereo thrust kicks and then an assisted piledriver onto Brian Pillman, Jr. for the victory! It’ll be the Lucha Bros in the finals against Jurassic Express this Friday on RAMPAGE!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10

Match #3: Jamie Hayter def. Red Velvet

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Red Velvet took down Hayter with ground and pound. Hayter absorbed all the impact from Red Velvet’s dropkick. She got up and stomped on Red Velvet in the corner. Hayter snapped Red Velvet to the mat with a vicious suplex. Red Velvet fought back and flattened Jamie Hayter with two consecutive running dives to the outside! Britt Baker grabbed Red Velvet and rammed her into the steel ring post! Hayter rocked Red Velvet with hard strikes. Velvet returned with an uppercut and a back elbow. She hit a face buster on Hayter, following up with diving knees to Hayter’s back! Hayter came back with a massive lariat, turning Red Velvet inside out and then pinning her. Hayter, Baker, and Rebel began to assault Red Velvet after the match. Kris Statlander ran out to save Red Velvet!

The Verdict: 4 out of 10

Match #4: Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston/Darby Allin def. The Wingmen

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Darby chopped at Drake in the corner. Drake had enough and tagged Ryan Nemeth. Kingston tagged in and was quickly punished by a chop from the “Mad King.” Kingston chopped off at Cezar. Kingston tagged Moxley and they rushed Cezar with a double shoulder tackle. Mox suplexed Bononi back and tagged to Kingston. Drake came in and hit Kingston with a backbreaker. Moxley bit the ear of JD Drake! Darby Allin jumped up with an avalanche code red on JD Drake! “Pretty” Peter Avalon tried to interview but Mox stomped a mudhole in him. “The Hollywood Hunk” Ryan Nemeth grabbed a chair but Kingston and Moxley didn’t care and charged after him on the outside! Darby surprised Drake with an over-the-top stunner and then hit the Coffin Drop for the pin. Danny Garcia charged at Darby Allin with a cheap shot after the match. Kingston and Sting jumped into the ring, forcing Danny Garcia to head for higher ground.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10

Match #5: The Gunn Club def. The Nightmare Factory

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Paul Wight joined the commentary team during this match. Nick cleaned house on the Gunn Club. He charged at Austin but Austin dodged it and tagged in to older brother Colten. Colten connected with splashes on QT and Solo! Comorotto blasted Colten with a clothesline! QT had the Colt 45 scouted. QT used a flatliner on Colten. QT started jaw jacking with Paul Wight and it cost him the match when QT was rolled up and pinned!

The Verdict: 3 out of 10

Match #6: (Main Event) Malakai Black def. Brock Anderson

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Brock Anderson used a double leg, not wasting anytime, and took down Malakai Black! Black caught Brock Anderson with a knee strike right under the jaw! Black grabbed Brock by the hair and showed off Brock like a carcass in front of Arn Anderson. Brock was bleeding from the forehead. Malakai Black used an exploder suplex on Brock Anderson and followed up with a roundhouse kick! Black pinned Brock decisively. Arn entered the ring to check on his fallen son. Black jumped into the ring with a steel chair. Arn Anderson told him to drop the chair and they’d fight. Black dropped the chair and tried for a kick to Arn’s head. Arn blocked the kick! Black followed up with a low blow to Arn Anderson. He walloped Arn Anderson with a roundhouse kick to the head. Lee Johnson of The Nightmare Family ran down to the ring to check on Arn and Brock Anderson. Malakai Black left the ring. He had enough for the night.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10

Final Verdict: 5/10

One a show where nothing happened in the ring beyond the first two matches, it was still a night of big news. Chris Jericho is putting his AEW wrestling career on the line against MJF at All Out so he can have one last crack at him. Jon Moxley fights Satoshi Kojima at All Out, because they want to fight. CM Punk cut another fine promo on Darby Allin. The Dark Order splintered when Evil Uno insulted Alex Reynolds, which caused both Reynolds and John Silver to leave the group. The Bunny tried to get Tay Conti to leave The Dark Order, but they just brawled instead. Malakai Black attacked Arn and Brock Anderson after being thwarted by Arn when he attempted to use a chair on Brock after beating him in the match. As for the actual wrestling part of the show, this was a show that peaked after the first two bouts. OC and Hardy didn’t do much in the way of grappling, but what they did do was have a fight and it looked more believable than what OC normally does. I’d credit Hardy with slowing the bout down, giving it substance. When Hardy got busted open, it was a blood-bath. OC even got blood on his pants…his stupid f–kin’ pants. What of the second match? We had a pretty athletic fight here. The Blonds and The Luchas kicked the s–t out of each other and at a pretty frenetic pace too. The right team won and that’s all you can ask for when all is said and done. As for our other matches, these were either short or long squashes. Nothing was ventured and nothing was gained from them having existed. This show could be argued as being one for stalling for time so All Out could be pushed. I’d say this was a wasted week, but they pushed All Out, so it wasn’t a total loss. Still, nothing here made me wanna come back next week. Okay. Dave Thomas and I are done f–king. Dave Thomas: Oh baby. You’re my little Euchre slut! Me: Pizza’s not for breakfast! DT: Ah! Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Not the vacuum! Me: See you next time.