23rd Aug2021

‘AEW: Rampage – The First Dance’ Review (Aug 20th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Rampage review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and somebody might be showing up on this show to show how to put on a show. Yes, I’m show! Don’t doubt me! Also, some matches are on here. Who watches wrestling for matches? Are you ready? Too bad! It’s time for his return…Sid Vicious! AEW: Rampage starts…half a brain as you do!

Match #1: The Jurassic Express def. Private Party

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The AEW World Tag Team Champions The Young Bucks — Matt and Nick Jackson — scouted this match from the stage. They sat on chairs that were set up by Brandon Cutler. Isiah Kassidy and Jungle Boy had a standoff. Marq Quen tagged in but Jungle Boy dropped him with an arm drag. He connected with a pin point accurate dropkick to Kassidy. Marq Quen grabbed Jungle Boy by the hair and pulled him down to the mat. Jungle Boy got the hot tag to the big masked dinosaur! Luchasaurus double clotheslined Private Party inside out! Luchasaurus propped Kassidy onto the top turnbuckle and tagged in Jungle Boy. But the momentum shifted again as Kassidy hit a massive Canadian destroyer onto Jungle Boy from off Luchasaurus’ back for a near fall! Marq Quen launched himself into orbit with a shooting star press to the outside onto Luchasaurus! Private Party was looking for the Silly String finisher but Jurassic Express countered. Matt Hardy jumped on the apron and Marko followed him up there. Hardy shoved Marko off the apron! Jungle Boy went after Matt Hardy. Private Party grabbed a handful of Jungle Boy’s tights and tried to roll him up for a pin. Jurassic Express rallied back for the pin on Private Party for a tremendous comeback victory!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10

Match #2: Jade Cargill def. Kiera Hogan

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

They locked up with Jade outpowering Kiera. Kiera followed up with a roundhouse kick. Jade answered with a thrust kick of her own. Jade finished off Kiera Hogan with her Jaded finisher! She quickly and defiantly beat Kiera Hogan!

The Verdict: 4 out of 10

Match #3: (Main Event) Jon Moxley def. Daniel Garcia

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Moxley shoved Garcia into the corner and stomped a mud hole into him. Mox hurled Garcia overhead with a suplex! Mox followed up with swift kicks to Garcia’s chest. Garcia caught Moxley’s leg and began to attack it, picking right up where he left on last Wednesday on DYNAMITE. Moxley applied an armbar but Garcia shifted with hammer punches to Mox. Garcia was planted on the back of his head with two German suplexes from Moxley. Garcia came back with a leg lock to Moxley. Luckily, Mox grabbed the bottom rope and the ref broke the hold. They traded forearms. Moxley rammed Garcia repeatedly with headbutts! Moxley looked for Paradigm Shift but Garcia countered with leg scissors and then transitioned into a leg lock on Mox again. Mox rolled back and locked on a bulldog chokehold, forcing Garcia to tap out! Garcia and 2point0 attacked Moxley and Kingston after the match! Sting and Darby Allin came out to even up the odds! Mox spiked Garcia with the Paradigm Shift! Sting hit a double Stinger splash on 2point0! Darby Allin put the final nail in the coffin with his Coffin Drop onto 2point0!

The Verdict: 5 out of 10

Final Verdict: 5 /10

Okay, so the matches were short and lame. I’m still recommending this because…where’s Sid Vicious? I wanted Sid Vicious?! God damn it! Where’s SId Vicious! Wait…it’s CM Punk! F–k yeah! Punk finally returned to wrestling after a long time away and cut a long promo that the crowd ate-up. Punk returning in Chicago gave this otherwise lame show something worth seeing. Punk seemed absolutely thrilled to be there. Punk will be a full-time wrestler going forward and will debut in Chicago at All Out against Darby Allin. This was worth seeing just for the return of CM Punk. I wish the matches were as good as Punk’s first night in AEW, but at least it was great. Well, come for Punk and stay for spunk. I’ll see you next time. Punk is fuckin’ back! Leave the cuss word this one time! Not everything has to be censored! Don’t make me come over there! How many times does CM Punk get his happy ass back to wrestling?! He even had Cult Of Personality! He’ll be on Dynamite this upcoming week! HACHACHACHACHACHA!!!!!!!!

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