‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Aug 18th 2021) – 2nd Opinion
Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Chris Jericho fights MJF in the main event. It’s been a long time coming and…what the… Benny and the Jets: Yo baby! We Benny and the Jets! Me: Like the song? Benny: F–k you! Ain’t no sissy-s–t asshole song! Benny and the Jets is a hard-ridin’, t–ty-bitin’ buncha sons-a-b–ches! Me: Well, this is a wrestling review, so… Benny: Wrestling?! Wrestling is fake! The Jets: F-F-F-Fake! F-F-F-Fake! Me: Wrestling’s not fake! It’s fixed! Benny: Fixed?! Weeze ’boutsta fixed yo ass! Me: Did you learn that from…Elton John? The Jets: Yeah! Benny: Shut yo butt! Me: What’s the matter…Buh-Buh-Buh-Benny and the Jetssssssss!!!!!!! Benny: You gonna get stabbed! Shayayayayayayayayaya!!!!!!!!!!!!! (plane crashes on Benny and the Jets) Elmer J. Fudd: I am Elmer J. Fudd! I am a millionaire! I own a mansion and a yacht! Me: Can I have a million dollars? E.J.F: Can you suck d–k? Me: Hell yeah! E.L.F: Then get over here and win the f–kin’ lotto boyyo! Me: Wow! Well, see you later losers! I’m gonna win a million dollars in ten minutes! Review your own f–kin’ rasslin’ show! E.L.F.: I hear talking, but I don’t hear suckingggggg!!!!! Me: See you losers! Enjoy Dynamite ya pukes!
[Author’s Note: Darby Allin, who has been accused of rape and has not been found guilty or innocent in a court of law, is on this show and if that alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion should be advised].
Match #1: Sting & Darby Allin def. 2.0
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
This is the first time Sting is wrestling on TNT in 20 years… Darby Allin laid out Daniel Garcia with his skateboard. Darby and Sting hit 2.0 with stereo Stinger splashes! The two teams brawled into the upper concourse of the arena. Daniel Garcia jumped back into the fray. 2.0 used “2 for the show” on Darby into the concrete wall! Darby Allin walked down the concourse ramp and dove onto 2.0 and Daniel Garcia! Eddie Kingston came back out and got some shots in on 2.0 and Garcia. Jeff Parker took out Sting’s leg. 2.0 suplexed Darby spine-first onto the trucks of his skateboard! Sting rallied back and took on 2.0 by himself! 2.0 hoisted up Sting and power bombed him through a table! Sting popped right back up! Darby dropkicked 2.0 right into Sting’s arms. Sting nailed them with the Scorpion Death Drop! Sting applied a double Scorpion Death Lock to 2.0 and made them tap!
The Verdict: 4 out of 10
Match #2: Sammy Guevara def. Shawn Spears
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Sammy came out to a thunderous reaction. Spears tried to get the jump on him, but Sammy noticed him and countered. Sammy rocketed off the ramp onto Spears. Sammy then walked over and kissed his fiancé, Pam. “The Spanish God” then rammed Spears into the guardrail. Spears got up and he and Tully Blanchard double-teamed Sammy with a stuffed piledriver. Tully called for a second stuffed piledriver, but ref Aubrey Edwards ejected him from the ringside area! Spears dropped down his kneepad area, exposing his shinbone, and then blasted Sammy with knee strikes! Sammy caught Spears with a head kick. Sammy was looking for a cutter, but Spears moved out of the way. Sammy rolled up Spears for a near fall. They exchanged chops. Spears got the better of Sammy, picking him up vertically and then dropping him on his knee! Spears mounted Sammy and began the ground and pound attack! Guevara placed a rail between the edge of the ring and the barricade wall. Both men jumped to the top turnbuckle. Spears flipped off Sammy with a middle finger. Sammy answered with a huge cutter off the top rope for a near fall. The momentum changed when Spears got Sammy up with the Avalanche C4 from the ropes for a two-count on Sammy! Spears hoisted up Sammy, but Sammy countered with a thrust kick and then a death valley driver onto the barricade! Sammy hit Spears with the 630 senton but somehow Spears kicked out! Sammy rolled down his kneepad and rocked Spears with three consecutive knees! Sammy said, “This is over,” lifted up Spears and smashed him with the GTH for the pin!
The Verdict: 7 out of 10
Match #3: AEW World Tag Team Championship Match – The Young Bucks def. Jurassic Express
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Nick Jackson hit Jungle Boy with a shoulder tackle. Nick backflipped off the ring apron. Jungle Boy took flight and crash-landed onto Nick Jackson! Luchasaurus tagged in, and Nick quickly tagged out to Matt Jackson. Luchasaurus hit a sidewalk slam on Matt Jackson for a near fall. Jungle Boy tagged in and connected with a senton splash onto Matt Jackson. Jungle Boy took Nick Jackson down with a hurracanrana over the ropes! Matt Jackson surprised Luchasaurus with a diving crossbody block off the top turnbuckle onto the floor! The fans in the arena became unglued watching the highflying action unfold! Jungle Boy was trying to fight out of the corner of the champions. He finally rolled through and got the hot tag to Luchasaurus. The big masked dino pancaked The Bucks, overwhelming them with his prehistoric strength! Jungle Boy was on the top rope with Nick Jackson. Luchasaurus walked up to Jungle Boy, who then proceeded to hit a brain buster on Nick (jumping off Luchasaurus’ back)! Luchasaurus followed up with tail whips to The Young Bucks and then served up double chokeslams! Jungle Boy jumped off Luchasaurus’ back but this time he was met with superkicks from The Young Bucks! The champs followed up with an assisted Indy Taker on Jungle Boy, but Jungle Boy kicked out before the three-count! Kenny Omega ran down to the ring and walloped Marko Stunt with a steel chair! Kenny tossed the chair to Matt Jackson! Christian Cage chased after Omega and began brawling with him. Omega’s plan backfired as Jungle Boy rocked Matt Jackson with a brain buster onto the chair! Nick Jackson was there to break the count! The Young Bucks double-teamed Jungle Boy with the BTE Trigger, which allowed Matt Jackson to pin Jungle Boy! Christian Cage was carried back out to the ring and Kenny Omega stomped mud holes into him. The Elite stood by and mocked Christian Cage. Omega hit the One-Winged Angel on Christian Cage and Don Callis was there to make the mock three-count!
The Verdict: 7 out of 10
Match #4: Thunder Rosa def. Penelope Ford
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Thunder Rosa dropkicked Ford into the turnbuckles. Thunder Rosa charged in with a big elbow. Thunder Rosa found her mark with kicks to Ford. Thunder Rosa dropkicked Penelope Ford to the arena floor! Ford rallied back with a massive cutter on the outside! Thunder Rosa was searching for the Fire Thunder Driver but Penelope countered. Penelope Ford applied the Muta Lock but Rosa countered with a single leg crab. Penelope managed to grab the bottom rope causing ref Paul Turner to break the hold. Thunder Rosa spiked Ford with a spinning Death Valley Driver for a near fall! Penelope Ford applied an Indian death lock. Thunder Rosa countered by capturing Penelope Ford’s leg and then she applied a submission, forcing Penelope Ford to tap out!
The Verdict: 5 out of 10
Match #5: MJF def. Chris Jericho
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
The Stipulation: No Judas Entrance and No Judas Effect! If Jericho uses the Judas Effect, he will be disqualified!
The entire arena sang Jericho’s theme song as he made his entrance! It was a spectacular a cappella rendition of “Judas”. MJF shoved at Jericho, and then slapped him in the face once. They locked up but Jericho went for the Lion Tamer! MJF rolled to the outside. Jericho elevated himself over the top rope and hit a body press on MJF on the arena floor! MJF grabbed Jericho by the tights and pulled him into the barricade. MJF grabbed the TV camera, taking a page out of Jericho’s playbook. MJF gave the fans in the arena (and watching at home) the middle finger. Jericho got to his feet and punched the TV camera, knocking it right into MJF’s face! Back in the ring, MJF started working over Jericho’s injured, braced arm. Jericho punched and chopped back at MJF. He took Max down with a couple of shoulder tackles. Jericho followed up with a big double sledge hammer off the top rope. MJF countered with a Judo throw onto Jericho into the corner. MJF yanked the brace off Jericho’s left arm. Jericho pulled out a Lion Sault on MJF for a two-count! Jericho rocked MJF with ten forearm clotheslines in the corner. He hoisted MJF up to the top turnbuckle and brought him back down with a hurracanrana! MJF transitioned into the Salt of the Earth armbar! He chomped down on Jericho’s fingers. Jericho rolled through, looking for the Walls of Jericho. MJF kicked up, landing right on Jericho’s jaw. MJF spiked Jericho with the Heat Seeker pendulum piledriver! MJF held ref Aubrey Edwards so she couldn’t see as he kicked back with a low blow to Jericho. MJF applied the Lion Tamer to Jericho! Jericho had enough gas in the tank to crawl to the bottom rope and grab it, forcing the ref to break the hold. Jericho grabbed his baseball bat while MJF grabbed his “Dynamite diamond ring.” Ref Aubrey Edwards saw MJF with the foreign object and pried it away from him. While she had her back turned, Jericho waffled MJF with the baseball bat! Jericho was about to smack MJF with the Judas Effect but remembered the match stipulations. The moment of hesitation cost Jericho, because MJF seized the opportunity to hit the Judas Effect on Jericho. MJF applied the Salt of the Earth armbar and Jericho had to tap out!
The Verdict: 8 out of 10
Final Verdict: 7/10
This was not a one match show, but only one match will stand the test of time here and that was the main event. Now, I proudly mention that there were several exciting matches on this show, from Sammy/Shawn to Bucks/Dinosaur Sluts to…okay, it was just the two others. That being said, Sting’s return to action on TNT was a success, if only because Sting looked great here. Man, at 7000 years old, Sting has still got the goods. Not only does Sting still give great performances, but they’re smart performances. Sting has nothing to prove and makes no attempt to. You know what you’re getting from Sting and that is worth its weight in gold. Sammy could learn a thing or everything from Sting. Sammy didn’t use a lot of the ol’ noggin’ here during his otherwise thrilling match. Also, the action here was a feast for the eyes, but a feast of piss-drenched Cheetos is not a meal. You get Sammy doing nothing but big moves and kickouts, which looked incredible, but didn’t feel like a believable match either. Shawn tried to keep Sammy on track, but he would’ve had better luck sucking Alan Dershowitz through a straw. Alan Dershowitz: I am not a pervert! Dusty Rhodes: Shut yo bunny-gut, honey-bun! We at The Great American Bash! Now listen up you chomper-jawed, ass-smashed, titty-pretty, little ol’ tooth-sucker! If you interrupt this nice, young lady while she reviews the matches again, I’m gonna hit you so hard that you’ll s–t grit and cum razor-back butter! AD: …but I… DR: The second most recognizable athlete next to Muhammed Ali has spoken you vermicious kernit! Me: I’m a man. DR: Git da fugg outta here? Me: Shawn carried this match to at least being a great spectacle. Now, that match between The Chucks and The Chodes was good fun and very fast, but it needed some…wrestling. The sprint that it was is worth seeing, but it lacked the substance necessary to keep the match from just feeling like a stunt show. The F–ks keep trying to make all of their matches look like the last third of a great fight instead of actually doing any wrestling. DR: I gots a booger in my nose. Me: Thunder Rosa had a long squash with Penelope Ford, who seems very nice, but hasn’t quite cracked the kind of wrestling ability she needs to warrant a place on TV. Her matches should be on Dark and Elevation only at this point. Also…hey you guyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys!!!!!!! The Electric Company: We’re gonna turn you on! We’re gonna give you the powerrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! The Electric Companyyyyyyyy!!!!!! The Electric Comp… (gunshots) Elmo: Elmo doesn’t bulls–t! Me: No Elmo! Nooooooooo!!!!! Elmo: Elmo wants to know rest of review! Me: Oh. Well, they’re only dead anyway. The seagulls can clean-up the murder. A Flock of Seagulls: We should have saved our money. Now we’re doing this s–t. We should have ran…ran so far away…from doing this f–king job! Me: You’ll do it and like it, you ginty f–ks! Anyhoo, our main event as the best match of the show is a great thing…mostly because I’m on PCP. Show me the dragon’s tail! I’m gonna catch it…catch’em all! Pokemon! MJF beat the piss out Jericho, who’s stomach looks like it has his bladder stuck in it these days. Can you do that? I’m gonna try it. It hurt. MJF did his heel routine the whole time and it worked. I also have a heel routine. Heel! Toe! Heel! Toe! Heel! Toe! What was great about this match was that it protected the way Chris Jericho has to wrestle as the beached whale he is today. The lifeguards kept the kids away from his face and Pamela Anderson read him Goodnight Afghanistan. Here’s a passage: Goodnight Afghanistan. Goodnight American army. Goodnight democratic elections. Goodnight not being killed by terrorists. Goodnight food. Goodnight shaving. Goodnight America trying to help a country in need. Goodnight Afghanistan. If you wanna keep in touch, then poke me on Facebook. Jericho worked hard to keep up with Pit-Stain and I think he did just fine in that endeavor. It wasn’t a wrestling classic, but it was a brawl and a hard-hitting pone at that. MJF winning was the right call. MJF needs to get some big wins if he is going to get prize fights in the future. MJF: I’m great! Me: Hold on XYZ. You’re okay. Try learning how to work a head-lock. You look like you’re trying to churn the butter when you do yours. This ain’t professional butter. It’s professional wrestling. So, in an effort to wrap this up before I forget what I’m doing here, this week’s episode of Dynamite had Dan Lambert and Andrei Arlovski/Junior Dos Santos sic The Men Of The Year on Lance Archer, Paul Wight announce a fight with QT Marshall and a bunch of other s–t I can’t remember. This was yet another show where you had four or five promos in a row, so get ready to fast-forward through a lot of this. AEW needs to get a grip on letting people cut all these damn promos. AEW may be more entertaining than the WWE or IMPACT, but if it would cut down on the promos, this would be even better. So, while I crawl in this running over and light this match, I wish you well and promise to see you next ti… (explosion).
