02nd Jul2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Jun 30th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…what the… Raul Julia: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Greetings infidels! Me: What the f–k?! Aren’t you dead?! RJ: Not anymore the f–k! I have returned from the 7000th dimension! Under my power now is the mighty army of cosmic automatons built in the lair of the mad scientist Azuvathar! They can sing, dance, pee, compute, play the flute, say the truth, f–k midgets, buck pidgets, suck widgets, Barbra Streisand… Me: What do you want? RJ: Ah. The peasant speaks. I want to use my androids to lay waste to the universe. See them perform! Me: What? RJ: Put on the show of your lives! Me: Ummmmm…why are they f–king each other while eating dog s–t puked from a man’s mouth who is shoving a mailbox up his ass and there’s a hose jammed in the mailbox with bees gushing in there and shooting out of his mouth into a vat of lubed orphans in rubber fishnets while being tortured by Rip Taylor as he screws a vacuum that is shoved down a tiger’s throat that is boxing Emmanuel Lewis as he tries to avoid being chopped up by a 50ft lawnmower being driven by a one-eyed Tourette’s gorilla that is pinching it’s nipples to Eric Carmen’s Hungry Eyes? RJ: …because they are…The Aristocrats! Me: Tequila Sunrise sucks. RJ: No! You bastard! How dare you speak ill of my picture?! I shall smite thee! Me: Moon Over Parador sucks. RJ: Speak not these words. Me: Frankenstein Unbound sucks. RJ: Nein! Nein! Nein! Me: Street Fighter sucks. RJ: Well duh. Me: You and your evil leaves me no choice. RJ: What do you mean, pathetic mortal? Jimmy Fallon: Hi! I’m Jimmy Fallon! RJ: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Me: He exploded. Huh. JF: Do people think I’m funny yet? Me: No. JF: Damn it! Me: Dynamite is about to blow!

[Author’s Note: Darby Allin, who has been accused of rape and has not been found guilty or innocent of the accusations in a court of law, is on this show and if that alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised.]

Match #1: Penta El Zero Miedo & Eddie Kingston def. The Young Bucks

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Bucks debuted new… facial hair. Eddie rolled up Matt Jackson at the start of the match, trying to win things early. He held Matt down while Penta El Zero Miedo crashed onto Matt from the top rope…whazzz up?! The Bucks used their world-famous tandem offense to regain momentum on Penta El Zero Miedo. Finally a hot tag was made to Eddie Kingston, and Eddie came in with fists of fire. He used a fishermen’s suplex on Nick Jackson for a near fall. Matt Jackson pulled Eddie to the outside of the ring, but Eddie retaliated with an exploder suplex! Brandon Cutler blinded Eddie with the cold spray. Nick Jackson splashed Eddie Kingston from off the ring apron to the arena floor at Daily’s Place. The Bucks cut the ring in half and worked over Eddie in their corner. Matt stomped on Eddie and tagged in Nick Jackson. The Bucks dished out kicks to Kingston and Kingston absorbed them. Finally Nick knocked down Kingston with a running knee strike. Eddie Kingston caught Nick off guard on the top rope and dazed Nick with big time headbutts. Kingston superplexed Nick Jackson, but the move took a little out of both wrestlers. Penta El Zero Miedo tagged in and used a DDT on Matt Jackson and then a sling blade on Nick Jackson. Penta El Zero Miedo followed up with a corkscrew Code Red for a (very) near fall on Matt Jackson! Nick Jackson tagged in but Penta El Zero Miedo nailed him with a backstabber for a two-count. Matt Jackson jumped onto Eddie Kingston with a diving cross body press onto the ramp! Nick Jackson distracted ref Rick Knock and connected with a low blow on Penta El Zero Miedo. The Young Bucks got a near fall on Penta El Zero Miedo with a package piledriver foot stomp combo. The Good Brothers came down and watched the match from ringside. The Young Bucks invited Eddie Kingston to a superkick party and dropped him after three vicious shots! Brandon Cutler accidentally used the cold spray on Matt Jackson! “The Elite Hunter” Frankie Kazarian ran down to even up the odds. Penta El Zero Miedo nailed Matt Jackson with Fear Factor and then Eddie Kingston blasted Matt and scored the pin!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – I must say…bafloganheimestroganiebanepstraboga. I had to say that. Now, on to the match. These guys competed in a fast, kinetic bout that never stopped for directions, because I’m a f–king man! I don’t need to ask for directions! I know where I’m going! I don’t need a God damn map! F–k you! The Bucks actually sold, because they had to some-time. I can’t tell you that this was the great mat classic, but it is very easy to praise a match where there were no lulls. Having The Bucks lose a non-title match feels like a lazy WWE booking decision and with Frankie Kazarian interfering amongst others, this was a case of an excellent match being ruined by over-booking. Still, this was an excellent opener.

Match #2: Jungle Boy def. Jack Evans

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

They chain wrestled at the start of the match with Jungle Boy getting the better of Jack Evans. Jungle Boy locked on the Snare Trap, but Jack Evans crawled to the ropes for a rope break. Jack Evans knocked Jungle Boy to the mat with a leaping kick. Jungle Boy came back with an arm drag on Jack Evans and then a dropkick! Jack Evans staggered Jungle Boy with a roundhouse kick. Jack Evans tried for a spider German Suplex, but Evans landed on his feet. Jungle Boy grabbed the Snare Trap and forced Jack Evans to tap out! The Hardy Family Office ran down after the match! Matt Hardy and Christian Cage brawled in the ring, with Christian Cage tearing off Hardy’s suit jacket. Luchasaurus and Marko Stunt traded punches with Private Party! Matt Hardy had enough of Christian Cage and retreated to the back.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – This only got five minutes, but the basics were laid out very efficiently and that led to the match holding together. There really isn’t much to say here other than that this match was close, but no cigar.

Match #3: Miro def. Brian Pillman Jr. – TNT Title Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Pillman dodged a kick from Miro. Pillman chopped away at Miro’s chest. Miro grabbed Pillman and launched him overhead. Miro rammed forearms into Pillman’s lower back. Miro suplexed Pillman and followed up with a fallaway slam! Miro clubbed Pillman’s sternum. Pillman knocked Miro to the arena floor with a springboard dropkick. He followed through with a running baseball slide. Pillman whipped Miro into the steel guardrail. Pillman tried for a pin after a springboard clothesline, but Miro kicked out quickly. Miro blasted Pillman with a roundhouse kick! Miro locked on the Game Over submission and ref Aubrey Edwards stopped the match!

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – As a full, complete match, this was lacking, but it was a fun teaser of the kind of match that these guys could have together. Miro smashed Brian and Brian fought hard to survive. The blend of competition and grudge made this weaker match worth seeing once, if only as a lesson in how to do both at the same time and find some success. I hope Brian gets another chance to be a proper contender, because he was very satisfying in the role here.

Match #4: Britt Baker & Rebel def. Nyla Rose & Vickie Guerrero

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Britt Baker clocked Vickie! The doctor is in! Rebel jumped on Nyla’s back. Nyla flipped Rebel onto the mat and then splashed her! Rebel tried to get the tag, but Britt didn’t want it. Nyla Rose dropped a leg onto Rebel. She slammed Rebel again and then tagged in Vickie. Baker finally tagged in and surprised Nyla with a sling blade! She nailed Nyla with a thrust kick. Nyla choke slammed Baker! Nyla draped Baker over the top rope and crashed down with a brutal knee. Vickie tagged in and told Nyla to climb to the top rope. Britt kicked Vickie into Nyla, sending Nyla falling hard to the ring apron. Baker applied her Lockjaw finisher to Vickie and made Vickie tap out! Nyla attacked Britt Baker from behind after the match. Nyla Rose powerbombed Britt Baker from the ring to the outside through a table!

The Verdict: 1 out of 10 – Yeah. This sucked s–t. If the goal of this was to get me to wanna watch Nyla fight Britt, it failed. Now I don’t wanna see that match. Why would a tag match featuring two people who can’t wrestle make me wanna see a prize fight? This was definitely a case of bad booking.

Match #6: (Main Event) MJF def. Sammy Guevara

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

MJF knocked down Sammy with a shoulder tackle and then did the Fargo strut. MJF used a cross chop into Sammy’s throat. Sammy tried to counter with a GTH, but MJF blocked it. They were meeting each other move for move. Sammy had enough of the technical wrestling and pounced on MJF. As the ref tried to pull Sammy off of MJF, MJF gouged Sammy in the eyes. Sammy kept his cool and connected with a springboard cutter on MJF for a near fall! Sammy backdropped MJF on the arena floor! Sammy tried for a springboard dropkick back into the ring, but MJF countered with a Liger Bomb! Sammy met MJF on the ropes and sent him flying with a Spanish (God) Fly! Sammy followed up with clotheslines and then a high kick, staggering MJF. Sammy clotheslined MJF again, sending him to the outside of the ring. Sammy flew over the top rope and smashed down onto MJF! Sammy blasted MJF with a springboard Destroyer for a near fall! Sammy dropkicked MJF in the face, sending MJF to the other side of the barricade! Sammy climbed to the top rope and jumped over the guardrail, into the fans, and onto MJF. Sammy climbed to the top turnbuckle, but MJF got up. MJF spiked Sammy with a tombstone piledriver off the turnbuckles! Immediately MJF came up clutching his own knee. MJF limped over to Sammy and Sammy rolled him up for a two-count. MJF attempted the Heat Seeker, but Sammy pushed him away. Sammy caught MJF with the GTH and went for the pin, but MJF put his foot on the ropes to break the count! Sammy climbed to the top rope for the 630 splash. MJF begged off Sammy. “The Spanish God” wasn’t listening to MJF’s prayers and crashed down onto MJF with the 630 splash! MJF kicked out of the pin attempt. Shawn Spears walked down to the ring. Chris Jericho left the announce table to stop Spears, but Wardlow grabbed Jericho and threw him off the stage! Spears smashed a steel chair into Sammy and then MJF pinned Sammy!

The Verdict: 8 out of 10 – Now this was a great match. It got nearly twenty minutes and didn’t waste a second of it. You got them feeling each other out to start, which is what David Bowie did to Mick Jagger after they made that stupid music video. These guys really took it to each other, like David Bowie and Mick Jagger after they made that stupid music video. You get Sammy using his agility to counter MJFs…whatever. Hey! I don’t know what the dip-s–t calls his ten-hour head-lock skill set! I don’t have time to waste on some-one who smelled Rosie O’Donnell’s ass! All seriousness aside, there is some strong wrestling here that just kept the whole main event going strong from bell to bell. This was one of the best AEW matches in quite some time.

Major News:

  1. Ethan Page was attacked by Darby Allin and post-poned the Casket Match until Fyter Fest.
  2. MJF wants to finish the feud with Chris Jericho, but only if Jericho can abide by some un-named stipulations.
  3. Adam Page was teased as the next contender to the AEW World Title by The Dark Order confronting Kenny Omega.
  4. Sting was back to help Darby Allin.

Final Verdict: 6/10

On a night where Jim Ross accidentally called AEW WWE and didn’t give a s–t…except that I laughed and mentioned it here…there were too many damn promos! Three of the matches went short and underwhelmed, while only the opener and closer were worth remembering. That’s the long and short of this show. Too much talking and not enough wrestling. Well, I have to poop. I’ll see you next time.

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