22nd Jun2021

The Last Week in Wrestling x Opinionated

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s special edition of The Last Week In Wrestling, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and this will be different than other past columns in that this will be a true written article… Think The Last Week in Wrestling crossed with our regular Opinionated column – hence the title above! Not only will this encompass two weeks’ worth of wrestling, but it will be a way of taking some time to discuss where I these past few weeks have put my head at for the immediate and further future of wrestling. So, now you know how inconsequential the whole article is. Go watch your MTV. I want my Maypo! Okay. Let’s rock…the chair, because comfort is important. Get off my lawn! Oh. Before we begin, we have the official trailer from Rising Sunset Pictures:

Amanda Huggenkyss was a protector. LaDonna Lizbianna was a mistress of the night. When the mistress became the hunted, the protector became her keeper, her warrior, her…Boobieguard. LaDonna: She anything you like? Amanda: Yes, if you mean those huge f—kin’ bazongas! BOINGOINGOINGOINGOINGOINGOING!!!!!!!!!!!! The Boobieguard had to protect her ward from the desperate Klitto Rass, the wealthy art dealer who covets the greatest beauty she has ever seen. Klitto Rass: Have you ever felt another woman’s touch? LL: Does elbow-deep in my a–hole count? There would be trouble around every corner… AH: Oh no! A booby trap! …but their fight to survive became a cry for passion. LL: F—k me you strange w—re! AH: I’m gonna pound the s—t out of you! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!!!! Love conquers all…and so does…The Boobieguard. She is woman… AH: Thank God I don’t have to do this in heels. …hear her roar! The Boobieguard…in theaters July 25th.

Well, let’s get started with the review.

What I’ve seen recently with wrestling, at least in these past few weeks, is that AEW fans are just as delusional as WWE fans, Vince views his wrestlers as every bit as expendable as ever, Billy Corgan’s twenty year plan for the NWA is missing a one-year plan that makes real money in the interim and that wrestlers and their matches have been and will always be the only real reason to watch wrestling. Have you watched the Iron-Man Match between Josh Alexander and TJP yet? Now that was a match for the ages. Impact has really struggled to make a mark on wrestling since Hulk Hogan left in 2013, but this sixty-plus-minute classic demonstrated what, not just Impact, but wrestling needs to survive: wrestling. Yeah, it sounds redundant, but thanks to the era of sports-entertainment ushered in by Vince McMahon in the mid-1980s, having a wrestling card be purely and simply focused on great wrestling is not only a rarity, but almost a crime. How dare anyone that watches wrestling want to see two to three hours of fake fights? Why watch fake fights when you could see a real fight? It’s not like violence is bad or anything. I mean, the fake fights can hurt like Hell, but they’re fake and no one would wanna watch a fake fight. Movies don’t have fake fights. Neo stopped those damn bullets! Luke got his hand chopped off! Rocky won the World Heavyweight Title more times than Muhammed Ali because he’s real!

I don’t know about you, but I’ve haven’t met too many people over the years that like the talking part of wrestling more than the wrestling part. For all the talk of how important promos are, I can’t think of anything I’d get rid of quickest from modern wrestling than promos. At this point, we’d all be better off just having a sports desk in the backstage area where a panel runs through the matches and the wrestlers before each one happens. It’s hard to tell people about wrestling without feeling like you have to apologize ahead of time. How is wrestling supposed to get new viewers if it makes the currents ones feel so ostracized from just having had watched the show? I’m tired of seeing bumps be used as transitions into other bumps. People are actually willing to watch head-locks and arm-bars if you let those sorts of things matter. Kurt Angle made a career for himself injecting his Olympic acumen into wrestling and it made him a star, not just in professional wrestling, but in sports. Kurt Angle is one of the few who could be brought up in conversation about athletes and would be seen as legitimate, not only for his prior credibility, but because of how he took the carny job of being a WWE Superstar and making it look real. There are a plethora of wrestlers all over the world that most wrestling fans have never heard of that can do the same and they are being ignored by most promotions due to these names in question not performing like song and dance men. For all the talk about needing new wrestlers, it’s never been easier to find them. I guarantee you that one of these ignored competitors is capable of getting over with the general public and naturally so. People like Vince McMahon constantly doubt his own potential talent pool in favor of these pet projects that never seem to pan out quite as they should.

I think that’s been the lesson over the past few weeks. The agendas of these wrestling leagues aren’t going to work. AEW is trying to be a million things at once while really just being a WWE clone, including some shady business practices. ROH is an indy league that thinks its budget will make it a star. Impact wants to regain its number two spot, but can’t see that its salvation will come through just booking hit matches instead of playing number two to AEW. NJPW and all of Japanese wrestling wants to market itself to America, but America is the one that’s the least enthralled with the psycho-aggressive style of Japanese wrestling itself. Lucha Libre is a novelty that many mock yet like. European wrestling is doing well like its American counterpart, but hasn’t caught on with non-wrestling fans like it has within the fandom. Every wrestling league the world over is in constant comparison to World Wrestling Entertainment, which is the most and least wrestling league at the same time. For all the money Vince makes, it ain’t from selling out arenas anymore. It’s all about merchandise. I can’t say wrestling is doing well right now. That being said, it is doing better, because there are more leagues available than at any point in the past twenty years that you can make good money at. That’s encouraging for those that want to wrestle for a living. Maybe that’s where I should leave this. If you want to make a living at this, then you can. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.

Well, this was an interesting version of this review. Next week’s will be more typical I think, but maybe I’ll add more actual writing to the next one. Anyway, thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time.

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