20th May2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (May 19th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Catherine Breillat here to bring culture to the review. Catherine Breillat: Dis review needs to touch the precipice of sexuality and the malaise of suburbia needs to be challenged as a result of dis. Me: Huh? CB: Wvee must use anal titillation as a way to cumment on the aggression in play here. Me: What? CB: When dis Cody Rhodes entres un ze scene, wvee must be radee to explore his passion for carnal hunger. Vhen he parades around like a cuckolded teenager, we must realize dat his entire reason for being apart of zis rayview is to experience total sexual deviancy. Me: What the f—k are you talking about? CB: Testicle clamps shall torment him until he foams at the mouth while growling like a dog. Zen, the hommoed Kenny Omega shall drag his cuck over zee Cody and zere shall be intense pressure in the genitalia. Cody will gorge on the engorged Kenny and gulp the nectar of his sex. Me: What the f—k?! What does this have to do with wrestling? CB: Wrestling is outdated. We need to push wrestling to its logical conclusion. Intense sexual torture is the future of professional wrestling. (Catherine Breillat is shot in the head) Me: What an asshole. Okay. Dynamite is on…now!

Match #1: Christian Cage def. Matt Sydal

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Christian Cage and Matt Sydal locked up and Christian Cage used a side headlock and then a shoulder block on Sydal. Christian Cage applied a headlock but Sydal slid out and reversed it. Sydal followed up with a flying mare for a near fall. Sydal jumped to the middle rope for a moonsault press but Christian Cage kicked him, knocking him off balance. Cage connected with a thunderous dropkick through the ropes to the outside on Matt Sydal. Christian Cage tried to keep Sydal grounded, employing a backbreaker. Cage used a diving uppercut for a two-count. He dropped a headbutt to Sydal’s spine. Matt Sydal jumped to the top turnbuckle, but Christian Cage cut him off at the pass, meeting him up there with stiff body shots. Sydal was able to create some distance, knocking Christian back down to the mat. Matt Sydal followed up with the meteora for a near fall! Sydal worked over Christian’s legs with leg kicks and then a lariat for a near fall. Sydal took advantage of a mistimed maneuver by Christian Cage and dropped him with a leg lariat! Sydal ran in with a driving knee strike for another two-count on Christian! Matt Sydal was searching for the lightning spiral, but Christian Cage countered with a backbreaker. Christian ran in for a spear but Sydal dodged it, hooking Christian Cage with a deep sunset flip for a two-count! Sydal wasted no time applying the grounded straitjacket submission hold on Christian. Ref Paul Turner broke the hold once Christian was able to grab the ropes. Christian Cage speared Matt Sydal! Sydal surprised Christian Cage with a knee strike, catching him right on the jaw! Sydal tried for a standing moonsault but Christian Cage got his knees up in time! Christian Cage hit the Kill Switch on Matt Sydal for the pin!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – Christian and Matt had an excellent fight to start this card. Everything was precise and crisp and performed with ample enthusiasm. Both of these guys just seemed thrilled to be working together. I loved how the grapples transitioned from one another with ease, but not at the expense of relishing each step of those transitions. It felt like this was a contest between consummate professionals. This is the kind of match you can show to a non-wrestling fan and, while not guaranteed to make them a fan, they will likely not ridicule or detest what they are seeing. This is the kind of match that is easy to appreciate no matter who you are and a real thrill for someone like me. As openers go, this was easy like Sunday morning. Yeah. I can use a f—kin’ song to describe s—t. Don’t f—k with me!

Match #2: Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston def. The Acclaimed

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Mox wasted no time blasting Bowens with a right hand, taking offense to a few bars in The Acclaimed’s rap that mentioned Mox’s wife. Kingston chopped away at “Platinum” Max Caster. Kingston whipped Caster into the turnbuckles and tagged in Moxley. Mox stomped a mudhole into Max Caster. Kingston tagged in and took Caster over the top with a standing vertical suplex. Mox and Eddie utilized quick tags to get the upper hand on Max Caster. Caster came back with a dragon screw off the middle rope on Kingston. Bowens tagged in and continued to work over Kingston’s leg. Bowens applied the Price of Fame inverted cloverleaf submission on Kingston, but Moxley jumped in to make the save for his partner. The veteran Kingston shoved Bowens and Caster together to buy himself some time and distance. Kingston got the tag to Moxley who steamrolled through The Acclaimed with a double clothesline! Moxley mauled Caster with a release German suplex and then a King Kong lariat to “Platinum” Max! The Acclaimed battled back with tandem offense on Moxley until Kingston ran in to even up the odds. Caster threw a chain to Bowens while the referee had his back turned. Bowens wrapped the heavy metal chain around his fist. The ref turned around in time to see Bowens, but on the other side of the ring, Caster slid in with the boom box. Moxley was there to intercept it! Moxley rammed the boom box into Caster’s face! Kingston hoisted up Bowens in a wheelbarrow position and then Moxley took over and planted Bowens with a tandem Paradigm Shift! Mox pinned Bowens!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – Have you ever watched a cheetah bang a tube of toothpaste? Anyway, this match was decent, like a cheetah banging a tube of toothpaste. The Cena Boys did their Thuganomics routine while Moxley and Kingston demolished them. If you like solid tag action comin’ for ya’ at 12 miles an hour, then you’ll like this bicycle amongst motorcycles.

Match #3: Hikaru Shida def. Rebel

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Rebel feigned injury early on but Shida didn’t take the bait. She kicked Rebel back against the ropes. Shida rocked Rebel with a forearm to the jaw. Shida put on a doctor’s glove and was about to apply the lockjaw. This got under Britt Baker’s skin. Baker jumped up on the ring apron and hoisted Shida’s championship above her. The referee tried to restore order and get Baker off the apron, and while this was happening, Rebel took her crutch and waffled Shida in the back with it! Rebel got a near fall on Shida after a suplex toss. Shida went after Rebel’s leg and sat out with a knee breaker. She locked in the stretch muffler and Rebel tapped out! Britt Baker blindsided Shida and curb stomped Shida face first onto the title belt!

The Verdict: 1 out of 10 – Squash match. Damn it.

Match #4: Serena Deeb def. Red Velvet – NWA Women’s World Title Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Deeb went right after Red Velvet with stiff European uppercuts. She hooked Red Velvet with a twisting neck breaker for a near fall! Serena was looking for the Deeb-tox, but Red Velvet escaped. Deeb delivered a back elbow to Velvet’s jaw. Red Velvet turned the tables and laid in a series of body shots. Deeb countered with a dragon screw! She followed up with Ronnie Garvin-esque stomps to Red Velvet. Deeb catapulted Velvet into the bottom rope. Red Velvet fired back with clotheslines, a drop toehold, and then a moonsault press for a near fall! Red Velvet connected with a moonsault press off the ring apron! Velvet used a corkscrew shot onto Deeb for a near fall! Red Velvet attempted her patented Just Desserts high kick, but Serena Deeb dodged it. Velvet sat down onto Deeb’s shoulders for a near fall. Red Velvet climbed to the top rope and launched herself with a moonsault press but Deeb lifted her knees in the nick of time! Deeb planted Red Velvet with a powerbomb but Velvet kicked out before the three-count. Deeb applied the Serenity Lock but Velvet wouldn’t tap. Deeb used a chop block and then smashed Velvet’s knee into the canvas. She applied the Serenity Lock again and Red Velvet had no choice but to tap!

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – Deeb had another winner here. Deeb could never be a farmer, because she’s a barn-burner. Who wrote this s—t? Genji Matasume: Gainjo matomo ki barada nusu kaido! Me: Bull-s—t! It’s s—t! GM: Musu! Ishii kaido mufu nakada bansu! Me: Shut up! Shut up! Horse’s ass! Deeb kicked ass and carried Red all the way to the finish. This felt like a prize fight and one that was worth seeing. It needed a few more minutes, but it packed a lot in to a smaller amount of time. Overall… GM: Hokasa! Me: How dare you?! How dare you?! I’ll smash you! Smash you good! Oh. The match was excellent. GM: Voop! Me: You’re gonna learn what a long d—k looks like today!

Match #5: Anthony Ogogo def. Austin Gunn

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

As the bell rang to begin the match, Austin Gunn surprised Anthony Ogogo with a shotgun dropkick! He hammered away at Ogogo and then swept his leg out from under him! Gunn went for a hip toss but Ogogo pulverized him with his toxic hook! Gunn tried to get to his feet but Ogogo found him with another gut punch! Gunn was bleeding from the mouth! Ogogo lifted Austin Gunn off his feet and then drilled him with another strike! The referee stopped the match as Gunn was no longer able to defend himself.

The Verdict: 1 out of 10 – This was a squash. Yuck. At least the punch from Ogogo looked cool.

Match #6: (Main Event) The Young Bucks def. Varsity Blonds – AEW World Tag Team Title Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Garrison delivered a thunderous boot to Nick Jackson to begin the match! Matt tagged in and he was used like a Ping-Pong back and forth between Garrison and Pillman! The Varsity Blonds hit stereo dropkicks on the Bucks! Pillman hip tossed Matt and then used an arm drag on him. The momentum quickly shifted as the Bucks used innovative tandem offense on the Varsity Blonds. Nick walked the top rope and stomped onto Pillman on the ramp and then followed up with a splash onto Garrison! Brian Pillman took down Nick Jackson with a crossbody block! Griff tagged in and cleaned house on the Bucks! Garrison jumped over the top rope and splashed down onto The Young Bucks on the outside of the ring! Inside the ring, Pillman connected with a flying clothesline on Matt Jackson. The Varsity Blonds were looking for the powerbomb finisher, but Nick Jackson stopped Pillman in his tracks on the top rope. The Bucks had it scouted! Matt Jackson suplexed Pillman off the second turnbuckle. The Bucks took turns kicking Pillman in the spine! After a blind tag, Matt Jackson applied the scorpion deathlock on Pillman. From the outside, Nick Jackson blinded Pillman with the cold freeze spray! Matt Jackson had another can of spray from Brandon Cutler and he sprayed Julia Hart with it! Pillman rolled up Matt in a small package for a near fall! Pillman tried for a thrust kick but Matt Jackson swept out his leg and applied the scorpion deathlock again! Nick Jackson used a face buster on Pillman! Matt still had the scorpion deathlock applied and Pillman tapped. As the Bucks were celebrating their successful title defense, Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston entered the ring undetected! Moxley locked in his sleeper hold on Matt Jackson! Kingston applied one of his own on Nick Jackson! Eddie Kingston and Jon Moxley stole the sneakers off The Young Bucks.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – This was a good main event, but it lacked a certain zeal. VB gave a strong performance that actually exceeded the performance given by the Bucks. Pillman really played the part of a man in jeopardy convincingly. Quite frankly, this entire match was just the contenders contending with the champions’ assault. There’s enough back-and-forth here to make this feel competitive, but perhaps not enough to make this match come alive. All in all, this was a fun main event that never had the allure of a great main event, but it did provide enough of a tease of what might have been.

Final Verdict: 6/10

An unremarkable episode built toward Double Or Nothing by having far too many promos and shortened matches all across the board. I lost interest in this after the first match, simply because the momentum of that match was lost when another beat-down happened with Christian Cage and Team Taz. Ethan Page and Scorpio Sky will fight Sting and Darby Allin at Double Or Nothing and Miro will defend the TNT Title against Lance Archer at the same show. These matches were announced with long promos. Kenny Omega tried to get Orange Cassidy to give up his spot in the World Title match at the Pay Per View. OC will let us know next week if he will do as Kenny asks…in a promo. The Inner Circle and The Pinnacle pushed their feud even further…with more promos. Do wrestling promotions understand that the main reason why people don’t watch wrestling any more is because of all the talking? People hate to see talking in wrestling. If people aren’t even willing to watch MMA fighters cut promos, then what makes a fixed sport like wrestling think it can pull off that feat? In the ring, this show actually stood a shot at glory, but because it got shut out of the ring for half the show, this whole thing felt anemic at best. Okay. That’s enough out of me. I hope you find some enjoyment with this week’s show. I’ll see you next time.

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