02nd Apr2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Mar 31st 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Christian Cage’s return to the ring. I…what the… Paul Lynde: I’m 1000 feet tall! Rip Taylor: I’m bigger than you asshole! Me: Oh no! It’s…Lynde versus Taylor! PL: Bitch! RT: Whore! RT & PL: Skank! Me: They’re evenly matched! What’re we gonna d…oh God. Charles Nelson Reilly: Queens! Hahmraufrahum! Bruce Vilanch: Sluts! Leslie Howard: Tramps! Me: It’s…the sissy titans! Mecha-Tom Cruise: I’m not gay! RT: That’s such bull-s–t! Ladeedadeedadadaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! M-TC: Shut up! Me: Well, while that S–t happens, let’s get to Dynamite.

Match #1: Christian Cage def. Frankie Kazarian

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

They locked up with a collar and elbow tie-up, feeling each other out. Cage went for a quick cover after a shoulder block. Frankie escaped a wrist lock after a flip and then a snap mare. Frankie Kazarian plowed into Christian Cage with an elbow, knocking him through the ropes and onto the entrance ramp. Christian Cage had to clear up the cobwebs after the shot. Kazarian wasted no time and backdropped him into the ring! Kazarian hammered Christian Cage with a big right hands! Cage waited and then connected with a back elbow. Kazarian shoved Christian Cage from the top turnbuckle and down onto the arena floor! Kazarian worked over Christian Cage’s shoulder and neck with a submission.

Kazarian transitioned and dropped Cage right on his head for a very close near fall! Frankie grew frustrated and took the boots to Cage. Cage rallied back with a swinging DDT on Kazarian! Christian Cage blasted Kazarian with a diving European uppercut. The fans chanted “This is awesome!” Kazarian attempted to apply a chicken wing but Christian Cage had it scouted and countered with elbows. Cage was looking for the Kill Switch but Kazarian countered. Cage got the better of the exchange with a reverse DDT on Frankie!

Kazarian caught Cage with the cross face chicken wing! Cage scooted over and found the ropes, forcing the ref to break the hold. Kazarian smashed onto Christian Cage with his big springboard leg drop! Cage kicked out at 2.99! Kazarian hoisted Cage onto the top turnbuckle, and hit nailed Cage with the flux capacitor! Again, Cage kicked out. Christian Cage flew high and crashed down onto Kazarian with a massive frog splash, and somehow Kazarian kicked out before the three-count. Christian Cage dodged Frankie Kazarian, sending him shoulder-first into the ring post! Christian Cage wrapped it up with a thunderous Kill Switch and pinned Kazarian!

The Score: 8 out of 10

  • The Good: This was a wrestling match for people that want them to make sense and be entertaining beyond just cheap spectacle. There were numerous instances of the match having smart, crisp action that made creative use of equally creative maneuvers. Christian worked very hard to make his return to singles competition feel like it was worth the wait. Kazarian worked hard to make Christian’s re-debut a great moment. I loved how everything had meaning and reason. There were no wasted moments in this match.
  • The Bad: Really, nothing was bad here.
  • The Verdict: What a great return for Christian Cage.

Match #2: Cody Rhodes vs. QT Marshall – Exhibition Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The ring was surrounded by members of the Nightmare Factory who have trained under Cody and QT. In a show of sportsmanship, QT and Cody shook hands before the match. After they both crisscrossed the ring, Cody took down QT with two consecutive arm drags. Cody took QT down to the mat with a wristlock and could have stomped his boot on him but he showed restraint, as after all, this was an exhibition match between best friends. QT stood up and shoved Cody! “The American Nightmare” dropped down and caught QT with an uppercut. QT had an answer of his own with a high dropkick to Cody! QT worked over Cody’s injured shoulder. Cody knocked QT off his feet with an uppercut. QT got back to his feet and applied a hammerlock to Cody, pulling down on Cody’s shoulder. Cody turned the tables on Marshall and was about to apply the figure four leglock, but he released the hold. QT swung at Cody and Cody countered with a CrossRhodes but again, he let QT out of the hold before doing any damage to his friend.

QT stood up and slapped Cody in the face! Cody ducked a diving cross body from an overzealous QT Marshall, whose momentum rolled him out to the floor. Dustin Rhodes patted QT on the back but QT knocked Dustin’s hands off him. Cody held the ropes while QT returned to the ring and then whack!—QT suckered Arn Anderson with a cheap shot. The Nightmare Family jumped into the ring. Suddenly Aaron Solow hit Billy of The Gunn Club with a steel chair as Billy was checking on Arn Anderson! Ex-Olympian boxer Anthony Ogogo started clearing the ring of wrestlers, knocking Billy out of the ring with one of his devastating strikes! Aaron Solow was choking out Cody with the chair and then he struck Dustin Rhodes with it! Nick Comoroto, another student of the Nightmare Factory, grabbed Lee Johnson. QT Marshall motioned at the ring, instructing Comoroto to follow his command. Comoroto powerbombed “Big Shotty” Lee Johnson onto the entrance ramp! QT Marshall smiled with satisfaction. He walked over to Arn Anderson and crunched “The Enforcer’s” arm across the steel ring barricade. QT decimated Dustin Rhodes with a piledriver on the steel ring steps! QT ordered Comoroto, Solow, and Ogogo to get Cody! They held Cody back while Ogogo dropped Cody with a left strike! They rolled Cody up to QT Marshall, and before he could swing the chair at Cody’s arm, Red Velvet ran out, pleading QT to stop!

The Score: 1 out of 10

  • The Good: Not much. There’s some wrestling here…I think.
  • The Bad: This ended with a thud after a few minutes I nothing.
  • The Verdict: This was weak, feeble wrestling that felt like a waste of time.

Match #3: Jon Moxley def. Cezar Bononi

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Neither man backed down from the other. Bononi got the first shot, but Mox came back with rapid-fire forearm strikes! Bononi tried to lift his boot but Mox countered with a dragon screw leg whip! Moxley stepped over in a single leg crab but Bononi powered out. Nemeth grabbed at Moxley’s boot and Bononi charged at Moxley with a cheap shot! Bononi suplexed Moxley for a near fall. JD Drake clotheslined Moxley on the floor. Bononi had the advantage on Moxley after delivering two running clotheslines in the corner. Bononi charged the corner again with a knee but Mox moved! Bononi’s knee collided with the top turnbuckle pad. Moxley made up for lost time with rolling elbow strikes, followed by a running lariat. Mox grounded big Bononi with a German suplex. Moxley set up Bononi on the top and hit a superplex. Moxley applied a cross arm breaker but JD Drake distracted referee Paul Turner. As the ref had his back turned, Nemeth jumped into the ring. Mox neutralized Nemeth with a Paradigm Shift DDT! Bononi grabbed Mox with a pump handle but Mox escaped and transitioned into the rear naked choke. Bononi dropped to the mat, losing consciousness, and the referee stopped the match. Your winner: Jon Moxley!

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Jon was as ferocious as usual and Cezar worked hard to make the chance to be in the ring with a main events. Everything moved quickly and smoothly.
  • The Bad: This was just another squash match.
  • The Verdict: This was decent T.V., but nothing compelling either.

Match #4: Kenny Omega and The Good Brothers def. The Lucha Brothers and Laredo Kid

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

As Omega and the Good Brothers were making their entrance, Laredo Kid was elevated over the top by Penta El Zero Miedo. Laredo Kid crashed down onto all three members of the opposing team! Rey Fenix walked the tightrope and moonsaulted onto the pile of men. Laredo Kid connected with a thrust kick onto Kenny’s jaw! Rey Fenix followed up with a thrust kick to Kenny too! Then Rey Fenix, Laredo Kid, and Penta El Zero Miedo hit triple thrust kicks on the AEW World Champ! Laredo Kid used a string of offense on Kenny Omega including two moonsaults for a near fall on Kenny Omega. Finally Omega exploded out of the corner, drove Laredo Kid down to the mat, and tagged in Gallows!

After a distraction from Karl Anderson, Doc Gallows caught Laredo Kid with a massive roundhouse kick! Gallows pounded away at Laredo Kid with body shots. Anderson tagged in and used a backbreaker on Laredo Kid. Omega tagged in and used a sledgehammer shot on the shoulder of Laredo Kid. Gallows tagged in and dropped elbows as the team continued to isolate Laredo Kid in their corner. They triple splashed Laredo Kid. Laredo Kid finally caught a break, planting Gallows with a DDT! Laredo Kid made the tag to Penta El Zero Meido. He stormed in with a sling blade clothesline to Karl Anderson! Then he delivered one to Kenny Omega! Rey Fenix tagged in and blindsided Anderson and Omega with double cutters! Rey Fenix used a senton atomico onto Karl Anderson and went for the cover but Omega broke it up!

Omega and the Good Brothers pulled the Lucha Brothers out of the ring and then went to town on Rey Fenix! They triple teamed Rey Fenix until Penta El Zero Meido saved his younger brother. Penta El Zero Miedo paid for it when they dumped him to the outside of the ring. Karl Anderson turned Rey Fenix inside out after a high running boot! The Good Brothers set up Rey Fenix for the Magic Killer but Penta El Zero Miedo made the save, and then he smashed Omega with a beautiful Canadian Destroyer! The pace turned up to an even higher gear here with both teams trading high risk maneuvers! Laredo Kid spring boarded from the top strand but Omega caught him with a powerbomb! He followed up with the V-trigger! Laredo Kid kicked out just in time! Omega attempted a One-Winged Angel but Laredo Kid countered and then blasted Omega with an absolutely tremendous tope suicida!

Back in the ring, the Good Brothers and the Lucha Bros slugged it out! Laredo Kid snatched up Omega and spiked him with a Michinoku Driver! Kenny kicked out! Omega narrowly avoided a splash off the top from Laredo Kid. The champ followed up with the V-trigger. After nailing Laredo Kid with a brutal One-Winged Angel, Kenny Omega pinned him! Don Callis skipped down to the ring to help his team celebrate. Jon Moxley strolled out onto the ramp. The Young Bucks joined him out there! The Bucks and Moxley charged the ring and immediately Omega and the Good Brothers turned tail and ran!

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: If you like Rey Fenix, then you’ll love this match. Rey was all over the place here. From the start, the match was built around putting over the luchadors. The Bullet Club gave the luchadors ample time to look formidable and bold. The action itself was always boiling in the pot, even if it wasn’t boiling hot.
  • The Bad: This really slowed down in the second half and it affected the flow of the match. It was like watching the bout dissolve into mere pieces.
  • The Verdict: Come for the action, but remember that this is still just a luxury squash match for The Bullet Club.

Match #5: The Bunny and Nyla Rose def. Hikaru Shida and Tay Conti

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Nyla and the Bunny charged Conti and Shida to start the match! Nyla forced Shida to the mat with a shoulder block! Shida sprung up and fired off strikes to Nyla Rose! “The Native Beast” stopped Shida in her tracks and then hit a big leg drop on the champ. The Bunny tagged in and pounded on Shida. The champ got the upper hand and applied an arm bar on The Bunny. She followed up with her patented driving knee strike onto The Bunny! Shida was distracted by matt Hardy just long enough to allow Nyla Rose to ambush her. Back in the ring, Shida turned the tables and suplexed The Bunny onto Nyla Rose in the turnbuckles! Tay Conti tagged in and twirled The Bunny down hard onto the mat with Judo throws! She followed up with a bicycle knee strike on The Bunny! She clobbered The Bunny with a punt kick! Conti used a backbreaker on The Bunny directly in front of “Big Money” Matt Hardy. As “Big Money” moved forward toward Conti, the Dark Order saw enough and they charged at the Hardy Family Office! All hell broke loose on the outside of the ring. Tay Conti avoided a clothesline attempt by The Bunny and blasted her with the Tay-KO! She covered The Bunny but Nyla Rose broke up the pin! Shida launched off the back of Conti with a knee strike to Nyla! Shida jumped to the outside on The Butcher and The Blade and Private Party but they caught her and held her up! Tay Conti saw this and jumped onto the pile, wiping them all out! Inside the ring, The Bunny walloped Tay Conti with Shida’s kendo stick while Vickie Guerrero distracted ref Aubrey Edwards! The Bunny sent Conti “Down the Rabbit Hole” with his finisher and then pinned her for the victory!

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: The Bunny finally won one. What took Tony Khan so long? You have one of the best wrestlers around and she’s stuck dressed like she stalks Hugh Hefner after the funeral. Shida was solid here as well.
  • The Bad: Not much happened here.
  • The Verdict: Well, this happened. I had very little in the way of fun with this, but I didn’t hate it.

Match #6: (Main Event) Chuck Taylor and Orange Cassidy def. Miro and Kip Sabian

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Freshly Squeezed” and “The Kentucky Gentleman” ran down the ramp and took the fight to their opponents! Miro used a fallaway slam on Chuckie T.! Orange Cassidy rammed Kip Sabian through the whack-a-mole machine! Out of nowhere Miro ran Cassidy over! Miro rammed Cassidy shoulder-first into the steel post and then body slammed him. Miro propped up a barricade and placed it onto another. Chuck Taylor tried to prevent more damage on Orange Cassidy and smashed Miro with a leaping forearm, but Miro responded by suplexing Taylor onto the barricade! Miro brought a steel chair into the ring and set it up in the corner turnbuckles. Miro rammed Orange into the chair! Chuck Taylor jumped off the Mortal Kombat machine and landed on Miro! Orange Cassidy rang Miro’s bell with a garbage can lid. Chuck Taylor swung a kendo stick at Miro!

Orange Cassidy and Chuck Taylor used the barricade as a battering ram on “The Best Man” Miro! Kip Sabian came to the aid of Miro and rocked Orange Cassidy with a running shotgun dropkick! Sabian suplexed Chuck Taylor onto the arena floor. Chuck Taylor grabbed a plush Teddy Bear and then ripped it open, spilling Legos onto the mat! Before Chuck could use those colorful building blocks to his advantage, Kip Sabian powerbombed him onto the Legos! Orange Cassidy ran in with a Beach Break on Kip Sabian for a near fall! Cassidy followed up with the Orange Punch, dropping Sabian. Cassidy tried to pin Kip but Penelope Ford pulled ref Aubrey Edwards outside the ring! Orange rolled to the outside where Penelope kicked him with a low blow. Penelope pulled off her belt and was about to whip Orange Cassidy. Kris Statlander—“The Galaxy’s Greatest Alien—popped out of the prize crane machine and shoved Penelope Ford!

Statlander dropped Ford off the apron, the two of them crashing through the air hockey table! Miro swung a chair at Cassidy and Taylor! Trent’s mom Sue pulled up in the van. Trent returned! The Best Friends are reunited! The Best Friends clubbed Miro, making him pay up for lost time. Miro bludgeoned back and then struck with thrust kicks! Trent clubbed at Miro with forearms! Miro waved to Sue and then approached the minivan. Trent came to his mom’s rescue. Miro chucked an arcade machine at Trent but Trent dodged it! Trent cracked Miro in the head with a chair! Trent speared Miro through a table! Chuck Taylor grabbed Kip Sabian and jumped off the stage with a running powerslam through the stage below! Chuck Taylor pinned Kip Sabian!

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: I’d call this wacky mishmash of brawling and video games…huh? This was like the Parking Lot Brawl from a few months back, but more gimmicky and less serious. There’s a lot of bumps and spots with arcade games and s–t. Trent returned during the match and helped his friends beat off their boner of a problem, these cock-ups called Moro and Kip Sabian.
  • The Bad: There wasn’t much going on in the brain here (like me). This was just big bumps and spots and stunts and s–t.
  • The Verdict: If you like weird s–t, then this match was right up your alley. Hopefully, that’s the end of this feud.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Three of these matches were excellent, especially the first one. The Inner Circle took their dressing room back from The Pinnacle in a brawl. Don Callis lambasted The Young Bucks for betraying Kenny Omega. Both of those segments went longer than half the matches did. AEW is going to Wednesday to themselves very soon. Is this what they are going to do? Long promos and segments feel like Vince Russo tropes. I thought AEW was going to be sports-oriented? I wanna like this show, but it keeps disappointing, even when it has a night of several strong matches like it did here. Overall, AEW is definitely a welcome sight each week, but there certainly needs to be more…oh, QT Marshall turned heel in tepid fashion and took several of the Nightmare Factory students as his new heel faction. How many f–king factions are there now?! Oh God!

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