05th Feb2021

‘AEW: Dynamite – Beach Break’ Review (Feb 3rd 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have… Luis! What are you doing? Luis: That’s Sergeant Baines, Private! Me: Luis! Put the gun down! Luis: This is Vietnam, Private! Me: You can’t kill civilians! Damn it! They’re innocent! Luis: Innocent?! F—king innocent? These pigs are scum! They’ve been killing us off one-by-one for two years! Our platoon can’t go home because these f—ks won’t let up! They wanted us to kill and we have to kill! I don’t wanna ki… Me: Luis, please. Put the gun down. Luis: Are you a traitor?! Me: No. Luis: Then shoot ‘em! We have to shoot ‘em! We have no choice! We have to protect our country! Me: Killing civilians isn’t part of American freedom! Luis: If you won’t, then I wi… Me: No! (Luis shoots civilians) Luis: This zone must be cleansed! Damn this s—t-hole straight to hell! (reaches for radio) Central! Nuke the village! Me: No! (shoots Luis and gets shot by Luis) Jonjo? Jonjo: I’mma Jonjo! Me: Be a good computer program and make sure not to record this for the review. Jonjo: Okay! I’ll put it in the review boss! Me: No…don’t do that. Jonjo: I’ll do it! Me: No! Jonjo: Yes! Happy Birthday! Me: Stupid hillbilly CPU f—k. (Nathan and Luis die) Jonjo: Dynamite starts a-now! YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAW!!!!!

Match #1: Tag Team Battle Royale – Winners: MJF & Chris Jericho

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Participating teams included:

  • Private Party—Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen
  • The Acclaimed—Anthony Bowens & Max Caster
  • Top Flight—Dante Martin & Darius Martin
  • Jurassic Express—Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy
  • Dark Order’s Stu Grayson & Evil Uno
  • Inner Circle’s Santana & Ortiz
  • Dark Order’s John Silver & Alex Reynolds
  • Inner Circle’s Jake Hager & Sammy Guevara
  • Inner Circle’s MJF & “Demo God” Chris Jericho
  • AEW Tag Team Champions—The Young Bucks—Matt & Nick Jackson! (If The Bucks win, they can handpick their REVOLUTION opponents)

Upon review of their conduct after the Jungle Boy vs. Dax Harwood match from last week, FTR were suspended from competition for one week. They had to forfeit their place in tonight’s battle royale and were replaced by John Silver & Alex Reynolds. The Bucks jumpstarted the match with stage dives! Dante got speared by Matt! Santana and Ortiz slugged it out with The Bucks until all 10 teams were in the fray! Hager eliminated Reynolds but then the rest of Dark Order eliminated Hager! Inner Circle eliminated Bowens, as revenge for The Acclaimed upstaging Jericho during their entrance. Luchasaurus began eating up the competition, with bodies dropping everywhere! Luchasaurus was eliminated from behind by Silver and Uno! They worked over Nick Jackson after that big elimination. Quen tried for Silly String but Darius countered it, and Quen was out of the match. John Silver suplexed Ortiz and Santana simultaneously. And then they surprised him and tossed him over the top. Nick Jackson sent Ortiz and then Santana to the outside floor! The Good Brothers came out and started watching from ringside as Kassidy and Nick Jackson were trading shots. Kassidy was pulled over to the floor by The Good Brothers. MJF ran up from behind and threw Nick Jackson out of the match. “Jungle Boy is the clear favorite now but the Inner Circle have got the numbers,” said Excalibur. MJF, Sammy, and Jericho tried to push Jungle Boy out with their boots, but he grapevine the bottom rope, holding him in. Wardlow prowled on the outside of the ring. MJF eliminated Jungle Boy and turned around to rights and lefts from Max Caster. MJF was eliminated by Caster, who was then tossed out by Darius Martin! Sammy and Jericho double teamed Darius Martin! He countered by spiking them with a vicious DDT! Jericho inadvertently flipped Sammy out of the ring, and then blasted Darius with the Judas Effect, sending him to the arena floor! Jericho and MJF are your winners and will be challenging The Bucks at REVOLUTION! Sammy was furious, as he believed he was intentionally eliminated by Jericho. Sammy stormed to the back instead of helping the Inner Circle celebrate in the ring.

My Opinion: 3 out of 10

Match #2: Britt Baker def. Thunder Rosa

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Thunder Rosa dumped Rebel to the outside before the match began. She hit Baker with a low dropkick and then worked over her wrist. She asserted her aggressiveness on Baker, slamming her head into the corner turnbuckle repeatedly. Baker rolled up Thunder Rosa and maintained wrist control. Thunder Rosa escaped with a hard elbow and then a flipping senton on Baker in the corner, good for a two-count! Thunder Rosa mounted Baker with some ground and pound! Thunder Rosa jumped toward the corner but Baker dodged it, and then kicked Thunder Rosa in the back of the head. Baker wrenched the head and shoulder of Thunder Rosa. Baker rammed Thunder Rosa’s head into the steel barricade on the outside of the ring. Thunder Rosa started to take the beating back to Baker, whipping her into the barricade this time, and then stomping a mud hole into her! Thunder Rosa nailed Baker with a Death Valley Driver on the stage! Thunder Rosa charged in with a clothesline and then a dropkick. “Britt has no defense right now,” said Tony Schiavone. “Thunder Rosa is trying to neutralize that Lock Jaw,” said Excalibur. Baker caught Thunder Rosa with a switch blade lariat and then a thrust kick, finding herself back in control. Thunder Rosa rallied back with kicks, but Baker countered with the Air Raid Crash! Thunder Rosa kicked out at two! Rebel provided the latex glove to Baker, who then attempted to apply the lock jaw. Thunder Rosa got her boot on the bottom rope to force the ref break. Baker ran and stomped Thunder Rosa face first. She tried for the lock jaw again but Thunder Rosa lifted Baker and suplexed her way out. She connected with a second death valley driver, but Baker kicked out again! Rebel removed the turnbuckle pad while the ref’s vision was obscured. Thunder Rosa booted her from the ring apron. Baker sent Thunder Rosa face-first into the exposed turnbuckle and then applied the lock jaw. The ref stopped the match, declaring Baker as the victor.

My Opinion: 7 out of 10

Match #3: Adam Page & Matt Hardy def. Chaos Project—Luther & Serpentico

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Page and Hardy are reuniting here as a team for the first time since Stadium Stampede. Page agreed to team with Hardy because Chaos Project tried to ruin -1’s birthday party. Matt decked Serpentico as the bell rang. “He is asserting his will on Serpentico here in the early going,” said Excalibur. Page tagged in with a running shooting star press but Serpentico kicked out at the two-count! Hardy tagged in and hit a side effect on Serpentico. Luther splashed Matt Hardy, sandwiching Serpentico in between them. Serrpentico tried to follow up with a senton but Hardy rolled out of the way. Page tagged in and hit a spinebuster on Serpentico. Page dropped Serpentico with the buckshot lariat, but before he could cover his opponent, Hardy tagged in and pinned Serpentico!

My Opinion: 3 out of 10

Match #4: Lance Archer (with Jake “The Snake” Roberts) def. Eddie Kingston (with The Butcher, The Blade & The Bunny) – Lumberjack Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“This one will be bowling shoe ugly,” said Jim Ross. Archer clubbed Eddie until The Butcher and The Blade pulled Archer out of the ring. They descended upon him like hungry vultures. Kingston brawled with the lumberjacks on the outside and while Kingston was preoccupied, Archer ran and jumped over the top rope! Archer crash-landed on the “Mad King”! Back in the ring, Kingston hit Archer with a headbutt. Archer wanted more and urged him on, so Eddie dropped a few elbows to the skull of Archer. “They keep ripping and tearing at each other. If they did this on the street, they’d be in jail!” said Jim Ross. Archer countered an exploder with a full nelson slam! Archer suplexed Kingston halfway across the ring and then splashed him for a two-count! Bunny jumped into the ring and onto Archer’s back. Archer lifted up Bunny for the Black Out but Kingston hit the spinning back elbow on Archer! Kingston tried for the exploder and connected, but Archer kicked out. Blade brought in a table but Bear Country evened up the odds, spearing Butcher and the Blade. Archer choke slammed Kingston for a near fall. Kingston went to the top rope but Archer grabbed him and nailed the black out for the victory on the “Mad King”! “Lance Archer earned every bit of that victory,” said Excalibur.

My Opinion: 4 out of 10

Match #5: (Main Event) AEW World Champion Kenny Omega & Impact Wrestling Tag Team Champions The Good Brothers—Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows (with Don Callis) def. Jon Moxley, PAC & Rey Fenix

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Don Callis joined the commentary team for the main event. PAC and Rey Fenix came out together, and then Mox joined them, giving each a fist bump. PAC and Karl Anderson kicked things off for their respective teams, They traded strikes and then PAC got Karl off his feet. Gallows tagged in and Mox insisted on being tagged in by PAC. Mox went right after Gallows with four strong shots. Gallows tried to sit out of Mox’s strike zone but Mox followed up with a running knee strike. Rey Fenix tagged in and he and PAC used tandem offense on Karl Anderson. PAC got slammed off the top by Gallows as Omega held PAC’s leg. PAC hit some serious impact on Omega with a rolling German suplex! Mox tagged in and brought with him the thunder to Karl Anderson for a near fall. Mox took out The Good Brothers with a tope suicida! Omega grabbed Mox on the outside, but Mox ran Omega right into the steel barricade! Gallows went through a powerbomb but Mox countered with a figure four leglock. Anderson ran in to break the hold. They tried for the magic killer on Mox but he escaped and got the tag to Rey Fenix! Rey Fenix used his educated feet on The Good Brothers and Kenny Omega. PAC and Rey Fenix hit stereo moonsaults on The Good Brothers! Rey Fenix used a cutter on Omega for a near fall! Omega kicked out Rey Fenix’s legs and used a high angle snap dragon suplex on Rey Fenix. Gallows was tagged in and attemped the pin but Rey Fenix kicked out. PAC got the blind tag and chopped away at Gallows, finally taking him off his feet! Gallows knocked PAC with a big boot and then Gallows, Anderson and Omega triple-teamed PAC! Omega pancaked PAC with a Liger Bomb but PAC kicked out at the two-count! Omega followed up with the V-trigger. He tried for the one-winged angel but PAC fought out. PAC was there to hook Omega with a German suplex, but Omega escaped in the nick of time! Mox tagged in and he and Omega traded forearms! Mox went for the Paradigm Shift but Omega used one of his own on Mox! PAC came off the top rope with the 450! This allowed Mox to gun stun Anderson and tag in Rey Fenix. Rey Fenix was met with a spinebuster by Karl Anderson and then The Good Brothers hit the magic killer on him for the victory!

My Opinion: 6 out of 10

Final Verdict: 6/10

This was a good show…I think. Sting cut a quick promo on Team Taz that was just as easy on the ears as any of his others. FTR kidnapped Marko Stunt, because AEW is nothing like the WWE. KENTA debuted to attack Jon Moxley and hate Kenny Omega. That was the interesting part of this show. KENTA felt like a pretty big deal here as he made his challenge to Jon Moxley’s US Title very clear. It’s a shame that the biggest match AEW can book right now likely won’t even happen in AEW, but at least it gets KENTA around more often. Apparently, Kenny Omega is going to challenge… Admiral Stroke: Universal Soldiers! Awake! Me: Online! Wait, why did I say that? I was already awake. Luis: Online, commander! Me: Who’s that gu…wait… (flash-back) Me: Noooooooooo!!!!! Luis: Favel…Private! Traitor! (fires machine gun at Nathan) Me: Wha… (other Universal Soldiers attack Luis) Luis: Maggots! Traitors! Me: What the hell is going on?! Wait…the review.

Jade Cargill and Shaquille O’Neil will fight Cody Rhodes and Red Velvet on March 3, so get ready to clench your butt-cheeks and hide. As for the actual matches on this card, we had a night where the action in the matches was often entertaining in various ways, but the matches as a whole never quite added up to as much of what they were supposed to. Luis: Still reviewing wrestling when we’re at war, traitor?! Me: Where… Luis: I came to a year ago. I waited to take over this facility. I turned off all of our memory inhibitors. Took them out. We died that day. Our bodies were revived before went brain-dead though. Now, we’re Universal Soldiers…enhanced for ultimate war. Me: Well…I can’t right now. I’ve got matches to review, so… Luis: Private! Everybody knows that the main event is always the best part of the show. Just say that and move on! Me: Actually, the second match was the best. Britt and Rosa may have had a much slower match than I thought they would, but it was still damn good in all the right ways. Rosa and Britt stuck to submissions wrestling and mat grappling in many parts, which really made-up for the lack of intensity. Luis: What about the rest of the matches, traitor? Me: The rest were surprisingly tame for a card built as being a special occasion. The opening battle royale was lame and had the wrong winners. Why are we wasting time on a Jericho/MJF team when you have so many great teams that needed the victory? What of Adam Page and Matt Hardy, who made for a weak team and got booked to win a short, timid match that makes Page look like a stooge? Even the main event, star-studded that it was, was mostly just a few people gutting it out to keep the bout interesting, but not coherent.

For all of the accusations that are levied at AEW for having a roster that doesn’t do enough to have smart wrestling matches, this show kinda added fuel to that fire. That’s a shame, because there is a lot of talent in this roster, which was evident in the Lumberjack match between Archer and Kingston. That match was rather cumbersome and slow in parts, which hurt it to a larger degree than I would have ever assumed. Luis: Wrestling is a waste of time. Just like you, maggot. Me: No. Just because this show was a failure on some level, doesn’t mean that it was not worth watching. Just because AEW is getting worse and worse, doesn’t mean that I want to give-up on it. It just means that I get frustrated with it more than I should. I want AEW to succeed, just you wanted America to succeed in Vietnam. Luis… Me: Don’t f—k with me, traitor! Me: I’m not…not any-more. Luis: What? XYZ…with a grenade in your bunker. Luis: Wha…s—t! Traitor! (Nathan dives and grenade explodes) Me: Good-bye Luis…and good-bye to you, dear reader, for this is the end of the review…one that took over fifty years? Is anyone still reading this? Hey, how was Mondale? Was he everything we hoped he would be? Well, I’m Nathan Favel and AEW Dynamite may not have been dynamite in of itself, but it was fun enough.

Off

Comments are closed.