‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Dec 16th 2020)

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Kenny Omega fighting Joey Janela for a title shot…Joey’s title shot…screw it. Why don’t they just come right out and explain that this is a shot at a title shot for Joey? World Title Eliminator? They didn’t make it very clear that it was an extension of the actual Eliminator Tournament from just a month or so ago. The instupidable Tony Khan has confused me with his instupidableness, so I’ve contacted a recent addition to the Nerdly wrestling family to handle the review this time:

WRESTLING! WRESSSSSSSSTLINNNNNNG!!!!!!! Brad Britch here! Brad Britch loves wrestling! AEW has wrestling! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I hate therapy! That’s not wrestling! My wife says I’m obsessed. BULL-S—! I like wrestling! You’re reading about wrestling. STOP IIIIIIIT!!!!!!!! GO WATCH WRESTLING!!!! WRESTLING! WRESTLINNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!! Let’s start the review!

Match #1: Matt Hardy and Private Party def. Adam Page and The Dark Order

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Page and Quen started the match for their respective teams. Both men evaded attacks from one another, each one step quicker than the next. Hardy tagged in, pushing Page into his corner. Private Party and Hardy utilized quick tags to neutralize Page. Silver and Reynolds came in to even up the odds. Page had Silver on his back and dropped down with a senton onto Kassidy for a near fall! Reynolds got a blind tag and he and Silver pancaked Kassidy. Page followed up with a standing shooting star press. Reynolds tagged in and blasted Kassidy with roundhouse kicks! Page smiled as he watched Silver pose and get the upper hand on Kassidy. Hardy tagged in and helped set up a Quen moonsault off Kassidy’s back onto Silver! Hardy tagged back in and worked over Silver with a vice-like headlock. Silver fought back with elbows but Hardy knocked him down once again. Hardy jumped off the turnbuckles but John Silver countered with a big brain buster! Page and Kassidy got the hot tags and Page met Kassidy with two consecutive lariats. He then used a fallaway slam and a mean clothesline on Kassidy for a two-count. Hardy came in and connected with a side effect on Page for a near fall! Page leveled Matt Hardy with a clothesline. Reynolds tagged in and used a rolling back elbow on Quen! This was followed by a suplex on Quen for a two-count. Silver and Reynolds used combination offense on Quen with help from Page, but Hardy made the save. Hardy pulled out Silver with the Twist of Fate! Reynolds was isolated in the ring and Private Party used Gin & Juice on him! Hardy tagged himself him and grabbed the pin on Reynolds!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Matt’s old! He did old man moves! His knees farted! I didn’t like him wearing slacks to wrestle! Private Party did nice moves, but they did no wrestling. AAAAAHHHHHH! You’re here to wrestle, not spots! Look at Knee-Fart Hardy! He did spots and now he walks like Paul Anka! Bad Blood! Adam Page used to be cool, but now he’s just The Olsen Twins with a bandana! I hate thaaaaaaaat! Adam Page just sells and clotheslines now. Where’s the wrestling? The Dark Order sucks! They move like Crap-Ass Hardy when he craps out his ass! Okay, Brad Britch is being mean. John Silver is great, but acts like a dip-s— now. Charisma only goes so far…PUSSAAAAAAAAYYY! Dear Alex Reynolds…F— YOUUUUUUUUUU!! I hate how the only thing that’s fun here was moves. Brad Britch is being charitable with a 3. Adam Page…BETRAYALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! Why can’t Page stop acting like a mid-card guy? He was doing well. Page wrestled, with holds and locks. Now…PAGE SUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!! Where’s Page’s wrestling skills? MATT HARDY BLOWS!!!!! Eh.

Match #2: Cody Rhodes (w/ Brandi Rhodes) def. Angelico (w/ Jack Evans)

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Angelico stepped a wristlock from Cody and took Cody down with an arm drag. Angelico put a waist lock on Cody but there was a clean rope break. Angelico pie-faced Cody. After crisscrossing the ropes, Cody hit a pinpoint accurate dropkick on Angelico. Cody used brute force with two clotheslines and then a powerslam to Angelico. Cody removed his weight belt and tossed it out of the ring. Angelico blocked a punch from Cody and then wrapped him up in a submission. Cody inched over to the ropes and bit down on the ropes to force the ref to break the hold. Cody rocked Angelico with a thrust kick and a punch, but Angelico countered with the deathroll, wrenching on Cody’s knee! Cody Rhodes forced the break again as his fingertips reached the bottom rope. Cody hooked Angelico for CrossRhodes but Angelico blocked it. Cody connected with a big Cody cutter off the ropes and pinned Angelico!

My Opinion: 3.9 out of 5 – Cody Rhodes and Angelico wrestled. Yes! There was actual wrestling here. Yes! No dumb jumping at the beginning. Cody and Wing Man grappled like they were being paid to. Yes! Everything was paced well and made me happy. Cody did more aerial moves than Angelico. SWERVE! Why can’t Cody wrestle like this all the time? Usually Cody is just paint drying on a limited edition Blu-Ray copy of Brian Yuzna’s Society. MOLDED MUTANT SEX PEOPLE! Why did it take so long for Angelico to go submission? It makes the matches better. This match was all about shooting in for the best position and what it takes to get out of that position. You gotta watch this match. I demand it!

Match #3: The Inner Circle def. The Best Friends, Varsity Blondes and Top Flight

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Orange Cassidy joined the commentary team for this match…but his headset wasn’t plugged in and he didn’t seem to notice. Jericho and Trent began, but Pillman insisted on being tagged in. Pillman and Jericho locked up and Pillman took Jericho down with a quick arm drag. Jericho retaliated with chops on Pillman. Jericho was taken off his feet by a crossbody block and then a dropkick from Pillman! Jericho kicked Pillman in the abdomen, slammed the “Demo God,” and then tagged in Griff Garrison. Jericho chopped at Griff and worked him into the corner of the Inner Circle. Sammy Guevara tagged in and continued to light up Griff’s chest with chops. Griff hip tossed Sammy and tagged Dante Martin of Top Flight. Sammy dropkicked Dante. Sammy had wrist control on Dante and stomped him. Dante reversed the momentum and charged Sammy in the corner, and Darius caught a blind tag. Darius kicked Sammy but Ortiz ran in to save the pin attempt on Sammy. Sammy blasted Dante with a big right hand! Trent tagged in, as did Santana. Best Friends and Santana and Ortiz began pushing one another and then all hell broke loose with everyone running in to brawl with the other side. Inner Circle retreated to the outside. Santana hit two suplexes on Trent and then tagged in Ortiz and they hit a third suplex. Ortiz tagged in MJF. Trent tried to put some distance between him and MJF and rolled to the outside of the ring. The Inner Circle started putting the boots to Trent on the arena floor as the ref was distracted. Guevara headed up top, tried for a shooting star press, but Trent moved out of the way. Sammy rolled but Trent followed through with a bicycle kick! Darius tagged in and connected with a Spanish Fly on Ortiz! Dante Martin jumped over the ropes and took out Santana and Ortiz! Best Friends hit the half and half sole food combination on Ortiz. Garrison tagged in and splashed Ortiz and then hit him with a forearm. Griff ran into the ropes but Jericho nailed him with the baseball bat from outside the ring. Jake Hager got in and used the F10 on Griff as a shout out to Wardlow. Hager tagged MJF in and MJF pinned Griff Garrison! Darius and Dante Martin connected with stereo dropkicks on MJF and Jericho! The “Demo God” was infuriated and pointed his bat at Darius and Dante as the Inner Circle walked away.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was good…Shelley Winters good. The Circle jerks were great heels and made their opponents look like nice people. There were lots of spots here, but it started off with some actual wrestling, so I liked that part. Chris Jericho and Brian Pillman Jr. had a great exchange at the beginning that felt like to old foes coming back together again. Pillman has the stuff. I like stuff. Top Flight is like 2 Broke Girls if I got to bang them. I liked how this gradually increased in speed and pace, which is how Brad Britch does business. If can handle wrestling becoming spots becoming a nice finish, then you can handle this match.

Match #4: The Acclaimed def. SCU (Frankie Kazarian and Christopher Daniels)

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

SCU and The Acclaimed exchanged bars in a battle rap! Kaz caught Bowens with two deep arm drags! He suplexed Bowens for a near fall. Daniels was tagged in and they used tandem offense on Bowens. Daniels got a near fall but Bowens was able to escape and tag Caster. Daniels and Caster traded shots with one another and then Daniels dropkicked Caster off his feet! SCU employed more of the world-renowned tandem techniques on Bowen. Kaz was hit by Bowen and The Acclaimed began kicking Frankie Kazarian on the arena floor. Daniels tagged in hit the blue thunder bomb on Bowens for a two-count! He tried to set up for Angel’s Wings but Bowens avoided it. Bowens propped Daniels up on the top rope. Daniels pushed Bowens back to the mat. He connected with a diving cross body block for a near fall! Bowens was rolled up by Daniels but Bowens pushed out of it. Daniels was sent into the ropes and Caster blasted Daniels with the boom box, which the ref did not see. Bowens finished off Daniels and scored the pin in their DYNAMITE debut!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – The John Cena Boys attacked The TNA Guys and made them ouchie. SCU dictated the pace and made the new guys look good. Can you believe that rap is still here? LEARN TO SING! This was no great wrestling clinic, but I never go to the doctor anyway. Daniels is a million years old and still looks thirty. That’s good…most good. This had wrestling with the moves, so Brad Britch liked this.

Match #5: Big Swole and Serena Deeb def. Ivelisse and Diamante

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Ivelisse grappled Deeb to the mat and then rocked her with a back elbow. Deeb rallied back with a running body block. Swole and Diamante tagged in for their respective teams. Swole used an explosive backbreaker on Diamante. Ivelisse used a guillotine neck drop on Big Swole and then Diamante followed up with a German suplex. Excalibur mentioned that Big Swole had been training with Dean Malenko on a “Clearwater Cloverleaf” submission. Deeb used resilient offense on Diamante and Ivelisse. She hit a neck breaker over the rope on Ivelisse and then a gut buster! She applied a figure four leglock but Ivelisse rolled toward Diamante and tagged her. The hit stereo knees on Deeb and then Diamante covered Deeb for a near fall. Big Swole tagged in and tried for Dirty Dancing but Diamante avoided it. Swole headbutted Diamante and followed up with a Tiger Driver. Big Swole made Diamante tap by using the Clearwater Cloverleaf!

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – Swole was slow here…Big Slow. Deeb has a weird name, but great wrestling skills that you see here. The Latina Hit Squad was really good here. I thought that being mugged would hurt, but it looked fun. Why does Big Swole take five hours to look left? This was okay.

Match #6: (Main Event) Kenny Omega def. Joey Janela – World Title Eliminator Contendership Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Janela came to the ring with a metal garbage can. Janela brained Omega with the garbage can as Omega made his entrance! Omega connected with the Kotaro crusher on Janela on a chair on the outside! Omega followed up with the terminator dive tope con hiro. Don Callis did running play-by-play on a mic from ringside. Omega whacked Janela with a cookie sheet. Callis handed Omega a microphone and Omega started doing his own commentary. Omega did a moonsault press holding the garbage can onto Janela! He smacked him again with a baking sheet! Omega landed with a double foot stomp onto the garbage can onto Janela. Omega tried for a one-winged angel but Janela countered with a reverse hurracanrana! Sonny Kiss pulled a table out from under the ring and set it up on the arena floor. Janela hit Omega with a right hand between the eyes and put Omega on the table. Janela jumped from the top turnbuckle to the outside with a leg drop onto Omega, smashing him through the table! Janela tried for a moonsault press but Omega moved. Omega connected with two V-triggers! Omega brought Janela up with the one-winged angel and then dropped him, scoring the three-count victory!

My Opinion: 1.8 out of 5 – This was a long squash. S—! Omega did nothing but two moves. Joey sold really well. MATCH SUCKED!

News Of The Night:

1. Red Velvet is feuding with Nyla Rose after stopping Rose’s latest attack on the women’s roster. BORING!
2. Sting is feuding with Team Taz. STOPPED THEM FROM STANDING!
3. Cody Rhodes is having a baby. WHO GIVES A F—?!
4. PAC came back to feud with Eddie Kingston and Kenny Omega. THREEWAY!
5. Kenny Omega will defend the World Title against Rey Fenix in a few weeks. WATCH IT!

Final Verdict: 3.4/5

There was some nice wrestling, but there was also some s— wrestling. Too many promos. CUT IT OUT!!!!! Cody Rhodes got a vignette for his baby announcement. DUMB!!!! I liked some of this. Do more wrestling stuff next time. WRESTLING! WRESTLIIIIIIIING!!!!!!