‘AEW: Dark’ Review (Dec 8th 2020)

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Wurld Nues/Neus/what-ever their name was, got shut down for bad spelling, so we’re moving over to Wrestling Nightly, hosted by Brad Britch. Brad has all the news from the show and I’ve got a date with this can of corn. Also, if the TalkTech picks up any moaning sounds, it isn’t me f—– the corn. I mean it! You do that one time and the police department won’t let you forget it. Okay, let’s shift over to Brad with the latest in wrestling:

WRESTLING!!!!! WRESTLING!!!!! I LOVE…WRESTLIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!! Other things suck. Wrestling’s cool! My wife had a baby. Who cares?! WRESTLING!!!!!!! AEW Dark. That’s wrestling! WRESTLING!!!!! WRESTLIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!

Here is your entire #AEWDark card:

• Sonny Kiss with Joey Janela def. Baron Black
• Brian Cage def. Danny Limelight
• Nyla Rose with Vickie Guerrero def. Alex Gracia
• 10 def. Aaron Solow
• Peter Avalon def. Louie Valle
• Gunn Club def. Shawn Dean, Sean Maluta and Ryzin
• Red Velvet def. Dani Jordyn
• Jurassic Express with Jungle Boy def. Falco and Mike Magnum
• Brandon Cutler def. Fuego Del Sol
• Ivelisse def. Skyler Moore
• Big Swole def. Lindsay Snow
• The Hybrid 2 def. Sotheara Chhun and VSK
• Diamante def. Tesha Price
• Shanna def. Freya States
• The Acclaimed def. Jon Cruz and Michael Nakazawa
• Varsity Blondes def. Colt Cabana and Alex Reynolds

My Opinion: 16 matches! Too many! More! Wrestling! Double Impact rules! Too many squash matches! Why squash matches?! DISAPOINTEDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!! Only good match was main event. Brian Pillman Jr and Griff Garrison beat Colt Cabana and Alex Reynolds. Also…cool! All the winners did great and the losers did great too. Great! Hybrid2 is like The Hardys without coke problem. Terrible! More coke! Diamante and Ivelisse are the same person! Just like Double Impact! Revenge! Both ladies kicked ass! Shanna! Shanananananananananananana…yeah! I like Shananananananananananananana. She rules! Good skills. Awesome! Jurassic Express is cool…old lizard people cool! Lots of fun dinosaur crap! I hate Barbara Hershey! Big Swole! Swole needs more work, but works hard to make her matches exciting! Wrestling! Red Velvet! Damn! Red Velvet…good wrestler…nice job here. Yes! The Acclaimed are black John Cena and are better! BETTERRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Nyla Rose smashed what’s her face like my therapist did when I burned down that church! Jesus Christ! So many squash matches with short run-times. Make them longer and not squashes! Brian Cage crushed Danny Limelight. Dirty joke in there somewhere. Cage great. Why is Cage not in big title matches? Tony Khan is stupid. Instupidable! Stole that from whoever. Peter Avalon is a hairy chick. Peter is delightfully creepy. Ewwwwwwwwww!! Brandon Cutler is like a cheap Christopher Daniels. Sweet! He gets better all the whenever I say so. Now! Sonny Kiss has a big ass. What a…what a…nice. Nice. Kiss should be fighting for titles now. Janela too! Disagree? F— you! Brad Britch likes wrestling. WRESTLING!! Marko Stunt sang on this show. That’s..that’s dumb. That’s not wrestling. That’s singing. Just wrestle! WRESTLING!!!

Final Verdict: 2.9/5

Too many squashes for Brad Britch to give great review too, but lots of matches and no Randy Orton. Randy Orton sucks…unless I like him! My wife is leaving me. Good! Door! Hit her in the ass on her way out! Take baby too! Baby smells like poo! WRESTLING!!!!! WRESTLIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!