28th Aug2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Aug 27th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and to tell the truth I so solemnly swear…you bastard. Dynamite is on Thursday, because of basketball. The all-important tag team gauntlet is going to start off the card, so don’t go anywhere or I’ll make you watch Women In Film try to compare dick sizes…figure that out. Dynamite starts…well, on Thursday.

Match #1: FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) def. The Natural Nightmares (QT Marshall & Dustin Rhodes), The Young Bucks (Nick & Matt Jackson), Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent)

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

And what a way to kick it off! It was a Tag Team Gauntlet Match (The winning team earns a tag title match against champs “Hangman” Page & Kenny Omega at ALL OUT, airing on pay-per-view on September 5th)! The order of the gauntlet was determined by the official AEW rankings as of today:

#4 Contenders – Natural Nightmares

#3 Contenders – The Young Bucks

#2 Contenders – Best Friends

#1 Contenders – FTR

QT Marshall and Nick Jackson started for their respective teams. They traded pinning combinations on one another. Matt was tagged in and hit a sunset flip on QT for a near fall. Dustin tagged in and took down Matt with consecutive arm drags, until Matt returned the favor with arm drags of his own! Dustin used two powerful scoop slams on the Young Bucks! QT came in with a high dropkick on Matt Jackson. Nick Jackson was tagged in and the brothers blasted Dustin with double-team offense! Dustin rallied back with a Canadian destroyer on Nick. Dustin tagged in QT who came at the Bucks like a bolt of electricity. Unfortunately QT’s momentum fizzled out. The Bucks moved out of the way of the QT Special! The Bucks pinned QT Marshall after the BTE Trigger! “That’s a skull crusher right there. Perfectly timed BTE Trigger on QT, who was trying to be too fancy,” said Jericho. Best Friends were out next, with Chuck Taylor and Nick Jackson squaring up. Taylor got Nick with a collar and elbow, pushing him into the corner and a quick tag from a fresh Trent. Nick fought back and tried for a moonsault off the apron, but Trent had it scouted. Trent moved and speared Nick on the outside. Chuck Taylor got a near fall on Nick after a double arm suplex. Trent was tagged in and came down with a double ax handle onto Nick’s back. Trent tried for a piledriver on Nick on the apron, but Nick superkicked him! Nick countered with a German suplex on the apron! “That’s like getting suplexed on the concrete!” said Jericho. Matt Jackson hit the locomotion suplex sequence on Trent after being tagged in, but after the third suplex, Trent countered with a swinging DDT! Nick and Chuck were each tagged in, and Best Friends planted Nick with a Sole Food Half and Half combo! Matt held Trent on the outside while Nick crashed down onto Trent with a senton. Trent kicked out after a 450 splash! The Bucks were setting up for the Meltzer Driver finisher, when out of nowhere, “Hangman” Page appeared ringside. He grabbed Nick’s leg and held onto it. Trent rolled up Matt Jackson after the assist from “Hangman” Page, and Best Friends beat the Young Bucks by pinfall! FTR came to the ring with Tully Blanchard (and sweet looking old school satin ring jackets) for the final round of the Gauntlet Match! FTR got the jump on Best Friends. Dax worked over Chuck Taylor’s leg, which was tweaked earlier against the Bucks. Cash propped up Trent in the corner in the Tree of Woe, and FTR double teamed Chuck in their corner! Chuck Taylor was nursing his knee. Dax chop blocked Chuck’s leg. “That’s strategy, going after that injured knee,” observed Jericho. Dax Harwood had a leglock on Chuck and made him submit! Chuck had no choice but to tap out with the way Dax had the leg tied up! “Who’s gonna stop FTR with Tully Blanchard in their corner? I’m really impressed with FTR. I really am,” said Jericho.

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This went for a while, but it was mostly clunky action that was exciting from time to time, but usually just a by-the-numbers affair. I didn’t have a lot of fun with this, but the mechanics were sound, so there’s that. Boy, I tried to get into this, but I just couldn’t. Still, a 3.3 is accurate of the quality of the wrestling itself, but not exactly a ringing endorsement either. Overall, this was a flat, dull match where all the life was sucked out before it could even kiss its ass goodbye.

Match #2: Lance Archer (with Jake “The Snake” Roberts) def. Sean Maluta

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Archer pounced on Maluta with a running shoulder block! He chopped Maluta’s chest, nearly caving it in from the force! Maluta tried to fight back but Archer laughed and hurled his opponent overhead with a release suplex! Archer steamrolled Maluta with running elbows in the corner turnbuckle. Archer choke slammed Maluta. “That was sky high!” said Jim Ross. Archer hit the Blackout and then palmed Maluta’s skull with the EBD claw, and that was enough to pin Maluta for the three-count! “That’s a restaurant quality ass whoopin’,” said Jim Ross.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – Archer squashed Maluta, blah, blah, blah. Archer was very…tall. I am glad that he is so much better than he used to be (used to be terrible). Okay, enough of the squash talk.

Match #3: The Lucha Bros (Penta El Zero M & Rey Fenix) and The Butcher & The Blade (with Eddie Kingston) def. Joey Janela & Sonny Kiss and Brian Pillman, Jr. & Griff Garrison

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Look at this wrecking crew that Eddie Kingston has put together,” said Jericho. The match broke down almost right away. Rey Fenix and Penta El Zero M hit double dives to the outside! Inside the ring, the Butcher took down Garrison with a gut wrench suplex! Garrison booted the Blade and then tagged in Sonny Kiss. From there, Joey Janela and Sonny Kiss utilized some highly effective double teamwork on the Blade. The Butcher got the tag and he used his brute strength on Janela. Then Butcher tagged in Rey Fenix, who continued the beating on “the Bad Boy.” Janela was trying to fight out of the corner of Kingston’s team. He finally reached Sonny Kiss for the tag. Sonny kicked Rey Fenix in the head and took down Rey Fenix with a leg drop. Rey Fenix fought back with a nasty kick to Sonny Kiss. Janela decimated Rey Fenix with a Death Valley Driver on the apron! But Penta El Zero M was waiting for Janela, and he impaled Janela on the apron with a package piledriver! Brian Pillman, Jr. was tagged in but he was swarmed and quickly outnumbered. He succumbed to the package piledriver double foot stomp combo from the Lucha Brothers, who pinned him after their finisher!

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – There’s plenty of good moves in here, but the match was just a lot of good moves and not much else. Kiss got on TV, so that’s a feat in unto itself. Still, this just felt like the new faction beating-up the Job Squad and getting an easy victory. Man, I’m just not getting shit out of this show.

Match #4: Big Swole def. Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D., Penelope Ford (with Kip Sabian) and Rebel – Handicap Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Britt told Big Swole that if Swole can win tonight, she can have any match she wants. The bell rang and Big Swole started aggressively. Big Swole headbutted Penelope Ford. Britt Baker poked between the ring ropes at Swole with her crutch. Penelope Ford looked like a high level gymnast when she used a running backflip elbow on Swole! Rebel climbed to the top rope but was caught—Big Swole took her down to the mat! Sabian distracted Big Swole, which allowed Rebel to score some offense. Rebel had Baker’s crutch and swung it at Big Swole, but Big Swole ducked with agility straight out of the Matrix movies! Rebel inadvertently blasted Penelope Ford with the crutch! Big Swole scored the pin!

My Opinion: 1.1 out of 5 – Shove it! This sucked ass! It was short and flaccid, like my wee-willy-John Stockwell. This was hard to watch and there just wasn’t much going for this at any point. Eh…pobody’s nerfect.

Match #5: (Main Event) Sammy Guevara def. Matt Hardy

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The bell rang and Sammy charged at Hardy but Hardy moved out of the way of a knee. Hardy pushed Sammy over the top rope to the floor! Hardy tried to throw a chair at Sammy’s head but Sammy dodged it in the nick of time! Tables were pulled out! Sammy set Matt on a table on the arena floor. Sammy took flight from the ring out towards Matt on the table, but Matt moved. Sammy crashed through the table! Matt busted open Sammy! This time Matt Hardy put Sammy on the table and jumped off the apron with an elbow to the outside, but Sammy moved! Matt busted through the table, with no one home! Sammy got back in the ring with a metal chair but Matt countered with a Twist of Fate with Sammy’s head wedged in the chair! Matt Hardy pulled a table out from underneath the ring. The table had the word “Deleted” spray painted across it. He pulled it into the ring and set it up. Hardy crawled to the top rope with spaghetti legs but he lost his balance. Sammy saw an open opportunity and took advantage of it. Sammy jumped up and suplexed Matt down through the table, beating Matt Hardy!

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a decent brawl that got bloody near the end, but since the match went far too short (blame all the talking segments), the whole thing felt stunted. Sammy looked excellent next to the slower yet more experienced Hardy, especially when he was selling for the skilled veteran. The abrupt nature of the end did add some urgency to this, but the match suffered for it overall. Well, at least this was fun while it lasted.

News Of The Night:

  1. Big Swole will fight Dr. Britt Baker at ALL OUT.
  2. Tay Conti joined The Dark Order.
  3. Scorpio Sky brawled with The Dark Order after they did a long, terrible promo on killing Cody [Rhodes’s] career.
  4. The Casino Battle Royale returns at ALL OUT and includes Darby Allin and Lance Archer battling for an AEW World Title shot.
  5. After a long, annoying contract signing between MJF and Jon Moxley, Moxley tricked MJF into having his lawyer fight Moxley next week to decide if MJF can challenge for the AEW World Title at ALL OUT.
  6. Orange Cassidy brawled with Chris Jericho to end the show.

Final Verdict: 2.3/5

Hey, this show was not very good. I wasn’t all that entertained and I want my money back. AEW has fallen so far from what was originally promised that it is absolutely depressing.

One Response to “‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Aug 27th 2020)”

  • Nathan Favel

    I misspoke on calling a match a 3.3 when it was a 3.1 and forgot to mention that Adam Page betrayed The Young Bucks and was kicked out of The Elite.