18th Aug2020

WWE Raw – August 17th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw review, right here in Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and this is the big go-home show before SummerSlam, which means it’s gonna suck! You know there ain’t a damn thing on here worth talking about. I’m just gonna make shit up. Kamala walked out and knocked John Cena on his big, fat, sociopathic ass and got nominated for an Emmy for his guest star spot on “Schitt’s Creek”…”Without A Paddle” (Episode 8008…BOOB). Kamala…Rest In Peace. John Cena…suck a big phucken dick. Monday Night Raw…has Shawn Michaels tonight…who can also suck a big, phucken dick. Here comes SummerSlam!

Match #1: Apollo Crews def. Shelton Benjamin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

While MVP accused Apollo Crews of orchestrating RETRIBUTION’s attacks, Crews instead looked forward to SummerSlam, setting up a match with Shelton Benjamin to determine if The Hurt Business could remain at ringside on Sunday. Thanks to a distraction by R-Truth and Akira Tozawa, who set off a mid-match chase for Truth’s 24/7 Title, Crews rolled up Shelton to ensure that his battle with MVP at SummerSlam is one-on-one.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – When this actually focused on the wrestling, it was good, but since this match barely showed anything from this, I have to give it a lower score. Who in the hell has these guys go so short, especially before SummerSlam? Hey Vince…BLOW ME!

Match #2: Angel Garza def. Ivar

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In a battle for the affections of “The Bachelor’s” Demi Burnett, Ivar clashed with Angel Garza in one-on-one action. Despite Ivar impressing Burnett by summoning a turkey leg from nowhere and showing off his unique power, Garza emerged victorious after connecting with a dropkick to the side of the head.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This went all of four minutes, if that. Who did these guys piss off to get screwed out of wrestling a full match? The suckitude of this match makes me WANT A GLASS OF BETTER DAUGHTER!!!!!!!! POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

Match #3: Natalya def. Mickie James (Count-Out)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Mickie James was looking forward to her in-ring return, but she quickly had it spoiled by Natalya & Lana. As James attempted a top-rope maneuver, The Ravishing Russian distracted her, allowing Natalya to knock James from the ropes to the floor. James was unable to answer the referee’s 10-count, and Lana tried to embarrass James further by snapping some pictures for social media. Instead, she caught a Mick Kick to the dome from James.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – These two tried to wrestle, but there was so much interference here that I never got to see enough of this to make a confident decision about how good this actually was. Hey Vince…BLOW ME!

Match #4: Asuka & Shayna Baszler def. Sasha Banks & Bayley

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

This tag team battle seemed to be going swimmingly until Nia Jax burst through the plexiglass at ringside, setting off a huge brawl between Baszler and Jax, leaving Asuka to fend for herself. The Empress of Tomorrow was in a dire situation, trapped in the Bank Statement, until Baszler returned and tagged back into the bout, clobbering The Boss with a series of strikes. The Queen of Spades locked the Kirifuda Clutch on Bayley for the submission victory as The Empress of Tomorrow trapped Banks in the Asuka Lock. Will the Raw and SmackDown Women’s Champions face the same fate at SummerSlam?

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was getting somewhere, but more interference, this time from Nia Jax, caused a logic vacuum to open in this match that just made me so hungry I could phuck a horse. Damn it, why does this shit keep happening? Mr. Ed…RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Match #5: Peyton Royce def. Ruby Riott

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ruby Riott initially thought she was going to be facing Billie Kay, but a last-minute shoulder issue forced Peyton Royce into the match instead. Despite her injury, Kay played into the outcome of the match, distracting Riott and Liv Morgan at ringside, allowing Royce to shove Riott into Morgan. That gave Royce the opening to hit the Deja-Vu and get the three-count, showing that The Riott Squad still have more work to do in getting back on the same page.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – Royce looked better than she has in quite some time, but she has no business beating Riott at this point in her career. Also, this went short…again. Nature is…evil.

Match #6: The Hurt Business def. Apollo Crews, Mustafa Ali & Ricochet – Six-Man Tag Team Elimination Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Hurt Business jumped out to an early lead in this battle, with Lashley eliminating Mustafa Ali after a thunderous Dominator and Benjamin sending Ricochet packing with Paydirt. Apollo Crews was up against the wall as The Hurt Business looked to soften him up, but he was able to pin Benjamin after the Toss Powerbomb. Benjamin’s night would only get worse, as Cedric Alexander rolled him up at ringside to capture the 24/7 Championship. Crews fought valiantly and eliminated MVP and escaped the Full Lashley, but he was stopped in his tracks by a Spear from The All Mighty. Did accepting this challenge and falling short put Crews at a disadvantage ahead of his United States Title Match with MVP at SummerSlam?

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – There was some nice action here, but the eliminations came too quickly and this also derailed Crews’ momentum. Is Vince having a stroke or something? Why are so many dumb things happening here tonight?

Match #7: (Main Event) Montez Ford def. Andrade

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In his return to the ring after being poisoned, Montez Ford was on fire. And when Zelina Vega tried to get involved, Bianca Belair arrived and drove her into the floor with a huge slam. That distracted Andrade, giving Ford the opening to roll him up.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – Ford and Andrade tried to rescue this show with their energetic wrestling, but this got shut down before it could do anything…like democracy! Suck it, people who want equality!

News Of The Night:

  1. Zelina Vega was the one who poisoned Montez Ford.
  2. Rey Mysterio wanted to be in his son Dominik’s corner for SummerSlam, but his son wants to do this himself.
  3. RETRIBUTION shut the show down at the beginning of the broadcast, but did nothing else after that.
  4. Raw Underground had Dolph Ziggler fight Erik and Nia Jax attack Marina Shafir and Jessamyn Duke after Shafir won a fight (Shayna Baszler came to their defense).
  5. Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax is being pushed as a big feud.
  6. Bayley will defend her SmackDown Women’s Title against Asuka first at SummerSlam, then Sasha Banks will get Asuka’s second match.
  7. Samoa Joe was pushed as being very powerful, thanks to having the footage of Zelina Vega poisoning Montez Ford and the knowledge of Rey Mysterio being there to confront Seth Rollins.
  8. Randy Orton punted Shawn Michaels and dropped Drew McIntyre with an RKO.
  9. Cedric Alexander won the 24/7 Title from Shelton Benjamin and Shelton won it from R-Truth and back from Cedric later that night.

Final Verdict: 1.5/5

As a wrestling show, this was pretty damn lousy, but some of the build for SummerSlam was decent. I sure as hell don’t wanna buy SummerSlam…so I’ll review it any-way. Does Vince have an allergy to money or something? Well, at least I’ve got a big phucken dick…wait…OH GOD!!! IT’S SMALL! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

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