15th Aug2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (Aug 11th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s review of All Elite Wrestling: Dark, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Canada can suck it! On this episode of Unsolved Mysteries, we look into the case of this show and why there are SO MANY PHUCKEN SQUASH MATCHESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! If I see another squash match on this show, then I’m gonna be so pissed off! So, there had better be no squash matches…DAMN IT!!!!!!!

Match #1: Rey Fénix def. Lee Johnson

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was all about Rey’s fantastic performance, one that was mean and meaty, but had a nice crisp bite to it with a bit of heat…very nice. Really, Rey was the whole reason to see this. Lee did well as Rey’s punching bag, but that’s what Lee was there for. Keep an eye on Rey, because he just might be in a position to do great things in World Title matches before all is said and done. Hey, this wasn’t a squash match!

Match #2: Shawn Spears def. Alex Chamberlain

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a fine performance from Shawn, who clobbered ol’ Alex so much that it looked…like…a…SQUAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! DAMN IIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Match #3: The Gunn Club def. M’Badu and Shawn Dean

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was good and solid, like potato salad made with salad dressing. The Gunns looked pretty good, but Dean was the star here…so he lost. At least this wasn’t a squash match.

Match #4: Kip Sabian def. Michael Stevens

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – Kip worked hard to make Stevens look good, but this match was meant as a tune-up for Kip and that is what it turned out as. At least it wasn’t a dirty, stinkin’ squash match.

Match #5: Private Party def. Brian Pillman Jr. and Griff Garrison

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Private Party did well here and Pillman was great. Griff has two “f”s in his name, so screw him. I wanted Pillman to win, but Private Party getting the victory in a fast, brisk match was what should have happened and it did. Thank Gorgashaga that this wasn’t a squash match.

Match #6: Jurassic Express def. Aaron Solow, Corey Hollis and Pineapple Pete (Suge D)

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – Jurassic Express made this a fun kick in the flabadablabba. I’m not sold on this goofy dinosaur shit, but I do like watching them wrestle. If you like Marko Stunt doing wild stunts like a wild man, then you’ll go wild over this…match.

Match #7: The Natural Nightmares def. The Hybrid 2

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was cool, with the aerial stunts pairing well with power and ground wrestling. I liked that this was never too involved for its own good, but I do wish that this had gotten more time (for breathing room). Hey, they can’t all be classics, but they should be good as often as possible, like this was.

Match #8: Penelope Ford def. Rachael Ellering

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This was simply slow and dull, but not for a lack of trying. Ford is getting better, but she’s still not ready for TV yet. Rachael has the potential, but she is in the same boat as Ford right now. In any case, this was okay, but not otay.

Match #9: (Main Event) The Butcher and The Blade def. SCU

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This went for around ten/eleven minutes and was dynamite (HA!). Daniels looking the fool made me long for him as Ring Of Honor World Champion again, but that’s not the kind of position he’s in here in AEW. In any case, at least both teams looked good here.

Final Verdict: 2.8/5

This was an hour and a half of wrestling that won’t make the heavens sing, but it will make the birds chirp.


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