24th Jul2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (July 21st 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Mr. Love might be a tush-pusher. We’ve got more matches and some taffy sandwiches, so sit your woffle-knob down and get ready for the most splendiferous pudding pop you’ve ever crammed down your wind pipe.

Match #1: Hikaru Shida def. Rache Chanel

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – Shida carried Rache to a passable match where Rache got away with too much ham-fisted character stuff. It was nice having Shida here, but she should be defending her title against the best AEW’s women’s division has to offer, not the entry-level interns (no offense to Rache). I wish Rache would focus more some chops or uppercuts, rather than the hair-combing spot she seems to be fond of.

Match #2: Kip Sabian def. Corey Hollis

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was a nice showing for Kip, who squashed ol’ Hollis for nearly five minutes. There’s not much in the way of action here (not that there isn’t), but it was a squash so you shouldn’t expect too much anyway.

Match #3: Best Friends def. Brady Pierce and Sabby

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was mostly all about the BFs doing their metrosexual bosom buddy routine while going full Rockettes on their opponents’ asses. This was a sort of…I don’t know. The match was really at its best when Trent was in, so everything else just felt like a pause until Trent got back in. This gets a .8, because Trent gave this some meat to put back on the bone.

Match #4: Ricky Starks def. Will Hobbs

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was yet another squash, but at least it had the right winner. Starks looked great and moved like a renegade gopher, Caddyshacking his foot up Hobbs’s ass until the clock ran “done”.

Match #5: Scorpio Sky def. Aaron Solow

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was smartly wrestled and carefully so, with attention being paid to the niceties of grappling and the pace needed to keep the whole thing from getting screwed-up along the way. Sky was as talented as usual, but Solow was a delightful surprise, if only because I haven’t seen him wrestle in a while. This had some juice in it…juice? I really am tired…tired of not giving you savings on all our used cars at the Skange Buick dealership, right here in Galluca off of I-85! Not even the pill could stop this match from being good stuff.

Match #6: Diamante def. KiLynn King

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – Diamante knocked the Snooki out of King like it was MTV cleaning house on their schedule, because we can’t have any music on A CHANNEL DEDICATED TO MUSIC!!!!!! Diamante was a mean, tough son of a gun and looked like a million bucks.

Match #7: Darby Allin def. Robert Anthony

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was another fine little bout from two talented people. Allin has survived his accusations (for now) so he should be around for the near future. Anthony should be around just as long, because he may not be a great personality, but he can wrestle damn it. I’m not too keen on Allin doing the Coffin Drop, but he’s got a Death Wish 6: I Wants The Moneys thing going on with his life.

Match #8: (Main Event) The Butcher and The Blade def. Brandon Cutler and Peter Avalon

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was a glorified squash that even Elvira’s boobs couldn’t make more exciting. At least Cooking Knife defeated your local library…that’s some-thing.

News Of The Night:

  1. Ricky Starks joined Brian Cage and Taz by helping to attack Darby Allin.

Final Verdict: 2.8/5

Apart from the big angle, this was just squash matches with two decent matches to break-up the monotony.

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