21st Jul2020

‘WWE Extreme Rules 2020’ PPV Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this review of Extreme Rules 2020, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Vince has done it again, you shmucks! The Horror Show Of Extreme Rules?! Genius! This show will suck so much, that he put it into the promotion itself! This show is a happening, happening, happening, happening, happening, happening! Are you ready for Extreme Rules you Kane Frizz, Rubbish Ronnie Garbage, Roidy Magoo, Brah Brah, Myah Myah Myah, Aloha Arn, Nogger, Dammit D’Lo, Shave Them Sideburns, Duck Arse, Toad Stool and Fudge Fingers, Bag of Ham, What Bar son of a butches? Screw OSW (Old School Wrestling Review)! These are my catchphrases and there is absolutely no one who will back me up on that! No one! That’s how smart I am! So, no credit goes to OSW and their show about Bob Backlund’s duck ass and all the credit goes to the WWE’s Vaggerslank Supratismo himself, Vince McMahon, for out-thinking you miserable two buck sh*t-carts! Extreme Rules starts…several hours ago… PANDA..!

Match #1: Kevin Owens def. Murphy

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Kevin Owens put another notch in his belt in his continued war against The Monday Night Messiah and his follower, earning a hard-fought win over Murphy on The Horror Show at WWE Extreme Rules Kickoff. Both competitors set a physical tone from the get-go with blistering strikes. KO took control when he blocked multiple superplex attempts before dropping Murphy face-first on the mat and hitting a spectacular step-up, springboard moonsault. Moments later, Owens caught Murphy with a superkick and a Stunner to pick up the victory.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – This was really damn good. Like a panda punch in the puss, this was groovy stuff with lots thrilling action…with a kiss. Hey, beautiful woman…we don’t take kindly to your type ‘round here! KO kicked ass and made his ass fly like Huggy Bear toilet paper in the trick-ass john. Murphy worked hard to make the most of a match with one of the best in wrestling today, which is more than I can say for that guy that invented the butterwear. The action was as hard-hitting as you’d hope it would be, but the match deserved some more time. The finish turned out great and topped off a great match that many have already called, “Eh”… assholes.

Match #2: Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura def. The New Day – Tables Match For The SmackDown Tag Team Championships

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The New Day are no longer SmackDown Tag Team Champions thanks to some clever tables teamwork by Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura. The new champions isolated their opponents repeatedly, first focusing on Kofi Kingston after taking out Big E early. But the powerhouse of The New Day recovered quicker than Cesaro & Nakamura likely anticipated and nearly split Cesaro in half with a spear off the apron to the outside mat. Moments later, Big E launched Kofi over the top rope, only to be met face-first with a table held up by Cesaro & Nakamura. The New Day recovered to stack two tables, but it later proved to be a strategic miscalculation, as Nakamura helped Cesaro hoist Kofi into the air and send him crashing through the tables with a colossal powerbomb to dethrone the champions.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a very explosive match, like my lungs in baking soda-gasoline doused in crotch-fire. Big E just threw his body around like a cannonball the whole time, which is how I spend my Saturday nights. Like a finger-bang in a jumbo jet, this was the kind of sweaty, rapid blast to the craw that will wake you up from whatever John Cena-induced nightmare you’ve been stuck watching. The table wasn’t used as much as you’d like, but the goal was to just put the other team through once, so I guess they felt like they couldn’t touch the table that much. It’s great to see Cesaro…CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI!!!!!!!!!…win a match along with Shinsuke Nakamura and a pair of titles…STRAPS!!!!!!!!!…to boot. If you like wrestling matches that keep a decent pace and pack a wallop when it counts, then this match is a damn good place to start.

Match #3: Bayley def. Nikki Cross – SmackDown Women’s Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Even Nikki Cross’ most spirited effort wasn’t enough to topple Bayley’s trickery and her SmackDown Women’s Championship reign. Bravado nearly cost Bayley early, as Cross scored a near-fall after a swinging neckbreaker. Cross continued the frenetic pace, putting her foot on the gas with a tornado DDT on the outside and a pair of top-rope crossbodies. Bayley eventually slowed the pace with her veteran savvy, though she nearly knocked herself out when she missed an attack in the corner and collided head-first with the second turnbuckle. Sasha Banks, who was at ringside, proved to be the difference-maker, however. Using Sasha’s “Boss” ring, Bayley leveled Cross in the mid-section before finishing her off with a swinging facebuster to retain the title.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was really exciting, but it might have relied on one big move after another a few too many times. What? This match gave me major chako vibes, especially when Cross channeled her psycho house-wife routine into her grapples (a great way to save the marriage). There’s so much intensity here, you’d think that somebody dropped a buncha hot coals down everybody’s asses before the bell rang. You mileage may vary on this, but I dug this hole the whole time and that’s that.

Match #4: Seth Rollins def. Rey Mysterio – Eye for an Eye Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Not even Seth Rollins was prepared for the sight of what he had promised to do to Rey Mysterio. Coming armed with plyers, The Monday Night Messiah was hell-bent on victory in the first-ever Eye for an Eye Match. The fight quickly got nasty, as Rollins used the foot of a steel chair and a pen from the announce desk, among other objects. Mysterio quickened the pace to overwhelm Rollins, jumpstarting a rally with a top-rope seated senton, softening him up for an unsuccessful attempt to extract Rollins’ eye. Mysterio kept Raw’s Black Hand on his heels with his superior quickness, again targeting his eye with a splintered Kendo stick. After using Rollins’ own Stomp against him on the ringside floor, Mysterio tried to grind his eye into the steps like Rollins had done to him months ago, but Rollins delivered a desperation low blow to escape. Rollins followed with his Stomp, leaving Mysterio defenseless for his eye to once again be ground into the steps — this time to the point of extraction. The Monday Night Messiah was immediately sickened by his handiwork, while Mysterio received medical attention after one of the most gruesome conclusions in WWE history.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was an excellent brawl that went all over the place and got really intense, like Martha Stewart when she ran over her gardener (allegedly). Seth was like a Boy Scout leader, constantly grabbing and attacking a much smaller, nicer person, just because he’s so evil/hairy. Rey did his usual sausage and cheese cart routine, knocking Seth around with his kicks and dives (well, not as many dives as usual) like it was going out of style. The part with the eye being ripped out was skirted around, but Rey was given the Finger Poke Of Doom and that’s all that matters.

Match #5: Sasha Banks vs. Asuka – Raw Women’s Title Match (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In a literal sense, Sasha Banks left The Horror Show at WWE Extreme Rules with the Raw Women’s Championship, but not without controversy. The Legit Boss was extra vicious from the start, deploying a short finger lock and using other varieties of precise limb manipulation to stifle Asuka. A back-and-forth battle on the apron proved especially dire for Asuka, who was slammed back-first into the ringside plexiglass. Banks’ ensuing frogsplash only netted a two-count, however. Banks’ trademark trash talk proved costly though, and she ate brutal strikes from The Empress of Tomorrow before being folded up with several German suplexes. Meanwhile, Kairi Sane felt the wrath of Bayley on the outside, getting dropped with a Bayley-to-Belly. Bayley’s distraction of the referee caused him to miss Banks tapping to the Asuka Lock, and the official was blinded by Asuka’s green mist intended for Banks moments later. With the referee incapacitated, Bayley struck Asuka with one of the Women’s Tag Team Titles and put on the referee’s shirt to count a pinfall for Banks, unofficially hailing her partner as the victor and fleeing with the Raw Women’s Championship.

My Opinion: 4.2 out of 5 – This was damn good before the weird ending, but that’s what the Mingleduft Higlersnang of the WWE, Vince McMahon, always does with matches that people have paid to see. There’s so much smart, detailed wrestling in here that left Flora unable to decide who she voted for. I could watch these two put on a wrestling clinic anytime, especially since my doctor died… Banks showed more here than she has in ages, which is NOT a nudity joke. This has got to be the best thing on the show, even with the Bayley wearing a referee’s shirt angle at the end.

Match #6: Drew McIntyre def. Dolph Ziggler – Extreme Rules Match For The WWE World Championship

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The deck was stacked against Drew McIntyre in his WWE Title defense against Dolph Ziggler. But even in a match where Extreme Rules applied only for Ziggler — and one where Ziggler could also become the new WWE Champion by pinfall, submission, disqualification or count-out — McIntyre still found a way to prevail. McIntyre quickly grew frustrated, understandably, as he was handcuffed by the unique but clever rules selected by his former tag team partner. Instead, The King of Claymore Country had to get creative to ratchet up the brutality without risking disqualification — resorting to things like slingshotting Ziggler face-first into the ringside plexiglass. Ziggler did all he could to exploit his chosen stipulation, blasting McIntyre in the leg before he could attempt a Claymore, then following with a Zig Zag for a near-fall. Moments later, The Showoff ascended to the top rope, leaping to drive McIntyre through a table below on the outside. As frustrated as McIntyre was, Ziggler was driven mad by his inability to put away McIntyre. McIntyre caught Ziggler spending too long prepping for a potential superkick, blasting him with a massive Claymore for the victory.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a solid way to do this, with Dolph giving himself Extreme Rules, but not for Drew. This was a whole hell of a lot of Drew getting hit and Drew throwing Dolph around like Jesus “Tap Dancing” Christ. Many people seem to hate Dolph now, but I still like the cream puff. Dolph can sell a match to the finish line on bump at a time and he practically did that here. All in all, this was pretty good, but I would have liked a more even match with a bigger climax (so would my wife).

Match #7: (Main Event) Bray Wyatt vs. Braun Strowman – Swamp Fight Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Braun Strowman took Bray Wyatt’s bait, and he may never be the same after the first-ever Swamp Fight. As expected, Strowman and Wyatt’s return to the swamp was chockful of psychological warfare, and the Universal Champion quickly became enraged with his former leader’s mind games. But he was also quickly disarmed after appearing to see a vision of himself as the former Black Sheep of The Wyatt Family, later finding himself chained to a rocking chair while the familiar Wyatt Family tune played. The fight only got weirder from there. The Monster Among Men saw a vision of Alexa Bliss, his former Mixed Match Challenge Partner, seemingly beckoning Strowman toward her. He next found a small, captain-less boat, but he was suddenly blindsided by Wyatt, who submerged him in the swamp. Wyatt battered him repeatedly with a club until Strowman finally fought him off, seemingly for good. That was until Wyatt reemerged from the depths of the swamp, attacking Strowman with the Mandible Claw and pulling him underneath the water with him. Moments later, only “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt resurfaced, with no sign of Strowman.

My Opinion: 1.9 out of 5 – This was sh*t. Hardly any action kept this sucker from being of value. There wasn’t even a real finish, outside of Braun being drowned in swamp water by IRS’s oldest. Well, at least it didn’t go lon…wait, it did.

News Of The Night:

  1. MVP declared himself the new United States Champion after Apollo Crews was not cleared to compete.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

This show had some great wrestling, but it also felt like having a million dollars dropped on you while standing in a room with no floor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.