Nerdly » WWE Raw – July 13th 2020: Results & Review

14th Jul2020

WWE Raw – July 13th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and COVID-19 got jealous of Black Lives Matter and decided to go for round 2 here in the U.S.A. Well, that’s what happens when you quarantine in the middle of a pandemic, rather than at the beginning. Also, in order for a quarantine to work, you’d need to completely sanitize the area you’ll be staying in, as well as pumping in fresh oxygen to breathe, rather than just sucking back in the same tainted particles you just huffed out. Oh, masks don’t work because the germs are smaller than any hole you can reasonably make in a mask that still allows you to breathe through it, which means you can’t keep the virus out, no matter what you do. What’s that? You already knew that, because you’re not an idiot? I wish they’d put you on TV instead of what-ever yutz-of-the-week that has managed to crawl out from the rock that was crushing it to death. Anyway, we’ve got “The Bruce Pritchard Show”, starring his ego and his selective memory, with special guest Tito Puentes! Senor Burrrrrrrrrrrns…ass wrinkled like toilet paper!

Match #1: Andrade and Angel Garza defeated The Viking Raiders

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Viking Raiders found themselves at a disadvantage early in this Elimination Tag Team battle, as Andrade eliminated Erik with a Hammerlock DDT. While Ivar bounced back to eliminate Andrade, Zelina Vega’s charges were just simply too much to overcome. Seemingly back on the same page with his partner, Andrade put Garza’s foot on the rope to break up a pinfall, which allowed Garza to stay in the match and pin Ivar to get the win.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was easy, easy like Sunday morning…yeaaaaaaaaaah. As far as pure wrestling-y goodness, this was not your huckleberry, but it was some-thing of a “Jackie O was photographed naked” kind of thi…I don’t even get what that means. Hey, I never said I made sense, even to me. The action we got here was on par with a James Bond movie directed by Danny Devito, mainly because he can’t get high enough to see through the camera. Think Ben Grimm on a date with Mike Pence, because it was clobberin’ time! See? …no sense. Expect a lot of smacks, kicks and slams from two teams that have a surprisingly tense sort of chemistry together. When you absolutely gotta have a tag match between two teams with a lot of ability, this isn’t a bad pace to start, but seeing these four have such a forgettable bout is a lame way to open the show.

Match #2: Ruby Riott and Bianca Belair defeated The IIconics

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Though she’s had trouble getting back in touch with Liv Morgan, Ruby Riott is no longer alone in her conflict with The IIconics. Riott now has backup in the form of “The EST of WWE” Bianca Belair. Despite this being their first outing as a tag team, Riott and Belair quickly gelled. Belair ducked a big boot from Billie Kay and planted her into the canvas with the K.O.D. to get the win for herself and Riott.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – Riott and Belair tried to make this interesting, but all of the relevant skill was on their side, leaving their opponents to just…be Australian? I don’t hate The IIconics, but if I told you they were good here, that would be a lie. At least Riott finally won a match. The IIconics should probably focus on submissions as much as possible, because they aren’t quite quick enough to sell a harder-hitting fight yet. Riott and Belair showed a lot of promise here (as usual), which made this a fun match to watch, if not a very memorable one when all was said and done.

Match #3: R-Truth vs. Akira Tozawa – 24/7 Title Match (No-Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

What looked to be a 24/7 Championship rematch between R-Truth and Akira Tozawa was brought to a screeching halt by the return of Shayna Baszler to Monday Night Raw. The Queen of Spades dismantled Tozawa’s ninjas in rapid-fire succession, then declared that she’s done letting her fellow Superstars have fun. Apparently, Baszler has returned to give the competition a harsh dose of reality.

My Opinion: 0 out of 5 – Nothing happened, so kiss my ass.

Match #4: Aleister Black defeated Murphy (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As the bitter rivalry between Seth Rollins and Rey Mysterio and his allies continues, Aleister Black took on The Monday Night Messiah’s disciple Murphy. The Dutch Destroyer had the victory wrapped up after obliterating Murphy with Black Mass, only for Rollins to yank Black out of the ring, leaving the official with no choice but to disqualify Murphy.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – Nothing was bad here, but it was lobbed off at the wrists, due to time restraints. The action was their usual smart, clever mayhem that delivers a wallop, even when time does not allow, like it did here. The finish sucked, but that’s the WWE for you. Overall, this match was good for what it was given permission to do, but it deserved more time to shine…like Gladys Gonkfrabble.

Match #5: Kevin Owens defeated Seth Rollins

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ahead of his “Eye for an Eye” Match with Rey Mysterio, Seth Rollins looked to send a message to his rival in this battle, raking KO’s eyes to turn the tides. That infuriated Rey, Dominik and Aleister Black, as they surrounded the ring, allowing KO to regroup and connect with a Stunner to pick up the victory. After the bell, Mysterio once again vowed that this Sunday would be a true Horror Show for Seth Rollins, as he promised to make sure Rollins leaves with one eye.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was some solid, firm stuff…like those bodies in my freezer…COLD ETHYL! These guys had an easy time here, because they have the knowledge of each other from past matches, past lives…EARLY EDITION ON CBS! There are a lot of rest-holds and that stuff, but it all built toward more intense action later on, so it passes the chicken tender test (finger lickin’ good with an 80% or higher passing grade). KO and Seth eventually laid on the heavy shots to sell the last act of the match, which was primed to explode, thanks to the wrestling being so good.

Match #6: Randy Orton defeated R-Truth

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Despite a spirited opening salvo from R-Truth, The Viper struck quickly, putting the 24/7 Champion down with an RKO. But Randy Orton was not done there. At Ric Flair’s insistence, The Apex Predator looked as if he was about to punt Truth, just as he had done to Edge & Christian. However, Big Show arrived to put a stop to Orton’s ruthless attack. But Orton had a proposition for The World’s Largest Athlete, daring the giant to meet him in an Unsanctioned Match next Monday, which Big Show accepted.

My Opinion: 1.1 out of 5 – This was a stupid, filthy, nasty, disgusting squash match that made me wanna jump the shark up the mongoose’s ass until the lizard bled itself on the Last Train To Clarksville.

Match #7: Bobby Lashley defeated Ricochet

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ricochet tried to stop Bobby Lashley with his unique aerial offense, but there is seemingly no stopping The All Mighty, as he forced Ricochet to submit to the Full Nelson. When Cedric Alexander, who MVP has tried to recruit in recent weeks, tried to break the hold, he met the same fate as Ricochet.

My Opinion: 1.7 out of 5 – This was a glorified squash that didn’t do much for either guy, but they both still looked good in the midst of this lousy waste of talent match.

Match #8: (Main Event) Sasha Banks & Bayley defeated The Kabuki Warriors (Asuka & Kairi Sane) – WWE Women’s Tag Team Title Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Days before they clash for the Raw Women’s Title at The Horror Show at Extreme Rules, Asuka and Sasha Banks were on opposite sides of this WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship showdown. The Kabuki Warriors were on the verge of recapturing the titles after Kairi Sane connected with an Insane Elbow on The Boss, but Bayley pulled her out of the ring before the three-count could be made. Sane’s subsequent sliding forearm attempt was reversed into the Bank Statement, leaving Sane with no choice but to tap out. Will Asuka meet the same fate when she and The Boss clash on Sunday?

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – Talk about an excellent way to end this card. The champs continued their reign of greatness here with another fabulous prize fight against one of the better teams in wrestling. While not as electrifying a match as you’d expect, it hit hard and earned it every step of the way, thanks to the wrestling being paced properly and being satisfying over-all. The challengers really kept the momentum going the whole time while always having another trick to pull out of their bag of offensive attacks, like Rupert Murdoch…THE TYRANT! I could go for another one of these while we’ve still got Sane around for some matches. All in all, this was just what this card needed to end the night right.