‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (July 7th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dark, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Hardbody Harrison is in jail for life, because he’s an idiot…and an evil perv. The show has six matches, which includes a match from Brian Pillman Jr., who now has to thank the booker-man for this wonderful opportunity…to get COVID-19. Dark starts… I can’t believe you don’t shut-up!
Match #1: Shawn Spears def. Brian Pillman Jr.
My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This should have been a much longer match, but for the one we got, this was still fun and tantalizing…like Lorraine Bracco…good for her. BP did well, except for the oil spill, but what does a seagull know? You’ll see some nice mat work here, but it all felt too brief and secondary to Spears’s and his stupid glove. If you like a short match that teases the potential of a longer, better one, than you might just enjoy this chicken nugget among chicken breasts.
Match #2: Big Swole def. Rache Chanel
My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Swole did great, but Rache, who was terrible, was in charge too much and made the match wobbly. Rache has potential, but she’s a few years away from realizing that potential. Swole is ready for bigger things and needs to be given those things before she gets bored and goes to some-place else to get them. As a match, you don’t need to see this, but as a match…you don’t need to see this.
Match #3: Frankie Kazarian def. Luther
My Opinion: 2.1 out of 5 – Kaz did great, but Luther was about a thousand years too slow for this to work. Luther should be a manager by now, not taking twenty minutes to do a high kick. I hate being mean, but there are a lot young wrestlers in their prime that are losing a booking because somebody wants Luther to seizure his way around the ring. Just let Luther be a manager and, if he can get back in fighting shape, then he can get back in that ring to kick some ass. All in all, the right guy won and showed how much juice he’s got left in that tank.
Match #4: The Butcher And The Blade and The Lucha Bros def. Brady Pierce, Faboo Andre, Joe Alonzo and Tony Donati
My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – There’s some fun wrestling here and there, but this three minute match was just a squash…A SQUASH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Match #5: Orange Cassidy def. Will Hobbs
My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – OC won within a minute in a squash…A SQUASH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Match #6: Michael Nakazawa def. Shawn Dean
My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – Nakazawa is Minoru Suzuki, if Suzuki had the mind of Joey Ryan (dirty perv wrestling freak). Dean is very talented and him getting stuck sucking Nakazawa’s thong (not a joke) is not a great way to get him over. I just wanna see wrestling, but not at the expense of some other guy’s taste buds…assy flavor is not a tasty flavor.
Match #7: Scorpio Sky def. Serpentico
My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was pretty good and a nice cleanser from the card of “ehhhhhh”. Sky and Snake Inc. had a slow, steady clinic to put on and they did, but not as remarkably as you’d hope for. Still, this went upwards of ten minutes and that was encouraging for a show going over an hour.
Match #8: (Main Event) Dark Order def. Brandon Cutler and Peter Avalon
My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This turned out well enough, but it was a bit clumsy, like me doing anything. There’s some chicanery of the “shhhhhh” variety here, but when the chips were down, this match had some action and a nice rhythm to it that made it alright.
Final Verdict: 2.7/5
This was okay, with one match being worth watching.
