‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (May 27th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Chris Jericho in “The King Of The Universe!” See Chris on Rygell 7 with the three-boobed babes: “Move, you triple-jugged bitch-hussies!” See Chris battle the nitro-lizards of Zangularos: “Eat shit you atomo-balled psycho skanks!” See Chris fight Charlie Brown: Hey, blockhead, where’s that pumpkin-headed dip-shit Linus at? Hey cue-ball, shut your ass!” Chris Jericho…King Of The Universe! AEW starts now…you stupid idiot!
Match #1: Young Bucks and Matt Hardy def. Private Party and Joey Janela
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Hardy’s vessel tonight was one of the old school, extreme variety! Hardy and Quen started the match but the Bucks quickly tagged in for some tandem offense on Private Party. Janela entered the fray and ate some superkicks from the Bucks! Janela tagged out to Kassidy, but Kassidy got smoked by a boot from Nick Jackson! Quen went over the top and took Nick to the outside. Janela followed up with a tope suicida and a Death Valley Driver on the floor! “You have to imagine that the Bucks are still banged up from that Stadium Stampede Match this past Saturday night,” said Excalibur. Nick Jackson avoided the Silly String finisher from Private Party. Janela avoided a superkick from Nick, but Nick inadvertently hit the Blade with it, who was on the other side of the guardrail watching. The Butcher and the Blade put a beating on Nick until Matt Jackson jumped over the rail to save his brother. Nick went right back to the match and gave a facebuster to Janela on the ramp! Kassidy went for a bulldog, but Matt Hardy saw it coming and took Private Party and Janela to the woodshed, stacking them up like wood. Hardy did a moonsault onto the pile for a near fall! “Matt Hardy is no spring chicken but he’s fighting like one,” noted Jim Ross. Private Party went over the top and connected with stereo con giros on the Bucks, but Quen’s knee buckled after he landed. Kassidy tried to finish Matt Hardy on the inside, but the Bucks hit their “More Bang for Your Buck” finisher and the team pinned Kassidy.
My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This had some excellent action at times, but really felt a bit lame when-ever PP was in charge (I like them, but they are just not ready for TV yet.). Hardy looked fine, but this was a match that really relied on the Bucks to keep it alive. I could’ve lived a good life without ever having had seen this match, but it ain’t a poorer life for ever having had watched it all to begin with.
Match #2: Brian Cage (with Taz) def. Lee Johnson
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Cage threw Lee across the ring like a ragdoll! He gave Lee a released German suplex right over his head! Cage powerbombed Lee, picked him right back up and gave him a bucklebomb! Cage finished Lee with the Drill Claw!
My Opinion: 1.8 out of 5 – This was a decent squash that lasted a minute and made Cage look like he ate The Titanic.
Match #3: Hikaru Shida def. Christi Jaynes
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
They slugged it out in the ring and Shida nailed Jaynes on the collar bone. Jaynes took down Shida with an arm drag from the top rope! Shida sent Jaynes face first into the top turnbuckle. Shida used a running knee and then a back breaker on Jaynes. “Very basic but very effective,” said Jim Ross. Shida dropped Jaynes with a vertical suplex for a two-count. Jaynes blasted Shida with a shot, knocking her off the top turnbuckle. Jaynes went for a sunset flip from the top and then a jab to Shida’s temple for a near fall. Shida gave Jaynes two running knees, but Jaynes kicked out! Shida pinned Jaynes after a stiff Falcon Arrow!
My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was good for what it was, but this was just a tune-up match for someone that didn’t need one. Jaynes looked good, but this match was never in her favor, so her performance just kind of faded away come finish-time. Shida did well here, but with the finish never feeling in question, this always just felt like an exhibition (a good one) instead of a thrilling contest.
Match #4: Jimmy Havoc & Kip Sabian (with Penelope Ford) def. SoCal Uncensored (Frankie Kazarian & Scorpio Sky)
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
Jimmy and Sabian got the early jump with an aggressive start on SCU. The bang rang and Kazarian took down Sabian with a lariat. Sky was tagged in and dropped Sabian across his knee for a near fall. Jimmy was tagged in but Kaz took him to the mat with a deep arm drag. Sky and Kaz worked over Jimmy with quick tags in and out. Kaz got a near fall on Jimmy with a release German suplex! Jimmy reversed an O’Connor roll from Kaz and tagged in Sabian. Kaz was poked in the eye after a catapult from Sabian. “Frankie Kazarian realizes he’s in serious trouble here,” said Excalibur. Frankie got an adrenaline rush and made the tag to Scorpio Sky, who cleaned house! Sky hit a twisting cutter on Sabian, but Jimmy ran in to make the save for his team. Kaz came in for SCU and connected with an assisted swinging DDT on Jimmy for a near fall! SCU isolated Jimmy and were going to attempt the SCU Later finisher but Penelope Ford grabbed Kaz by the leg. Sky was pinned by Jimmy after a Michinoku driver combo!
My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was good fun from four guys who let their freak flags fly from time to time make this contendership bout have an extra kick. I’m surprised that the make-shift team of Kip/Jimmy got the victory, but it’s also nice to see a new team get a shot at tag gold. The match was easy-viewing, with SCU making the new guys into a top-notch act in one go. For a light, breezy slap to the face that will keep you awake just long enough to not miss the big upset.
Match #5: (Main Event) Dynamite Battle Royal – Winner: Jungle Boy
The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:
As Orange Cassidy walked to the ring, he was jumped by Santana and Ortiz and knocked out with madballs to the back of the head. MJF stood perched on the top turnbuckle, protected by Wardlow. Luther sent Marko for a ride with a hip toss, but Luther was thrown over the top after a choke slam from Luchasaurus! Sonny Kiss was chucked over the top by Wardlow, and MJF took the boots to Sonny on the outside. Colt Cabana and MJF stared each other down and began trading shots, but “Boom Boom” got the better of MJF. Cabana gave the Flying Apple to Billy Gunn, but Billy used Colt’s momentum to eliminate him over the top. The Dark Order were sitting on the outside and handed Cabana some literature that no doubt contained propaganda for The Dark Order. Brandon Cutler was nearly eliminated by Luchasaurus, but he pulled himself up by the ropes before both feet touched the floor. Peter Avalon and Cutler duked it out on the ring apron before eliminating one another simultaneously! Marko hit Wardlow with a missile dropkick but Wardlow hardly budged! Christopher Daniels tried to powerbomb Marko out of the ring, but Marko held on and eliminated Daniels. Wardlow caught Marko and hurled him out of the ring, sending him crashing down onto Christopher Daniels. Wardlow and MJF double teamed Luchasaurus until Billy Gunn stopped them with hard strikes. Billy Gunn and Luchasaurus began exchanging right hands with one another until they were both eliminated by Wardlow and MJF! Wardlow and MJF started stomping on Jungle Boy in the corner. Orange Cassidy rolled into the ring out of nowhere. Cassidy ducked a right hand by MJF and MJF accidentally hit Wardlow instead. Wardlow was wiped out, and then MJF was eliminated by Jungle Boy! Orange Cassidy and Jungle Boy were the final two wrestlers in the ring! Jungle Boy was sent into the ropes and ate two Superman-style elbows from Orange Cassidy! Jungle Boy rallied back and used his legs to pull Orange Cassidy over the top to the floor to eliminate him. Jungle Boy held onto the ropes with his legs and won the match!
My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was your average Battle Royal, but at least it gave JB a well-deserved big win. OC and JB, who sound like they got shot out the ass of world’s lamest boy-band, were the final two and rightly so…maybe. MJF got eliminated by the right guy and Wardlow might smash MJF for being a little shit-wagon before this is all over. Overall, this wasn’t much, but it was a means to an end that will likely be of interest to many people.
News Of The Night:
- Kip Sabian & Jimmy Havoc will challenge Adam Page & Kenny Omega for the AEW World Tag Titles, next week.
- Jungle Boy fights Cody (Rhodes) for the TNT Title, next week.
- Chris Jericho took part in a lousy promo/brawl to sell a feud with Mike Tyson, Henry Cejudo, VItor Belfort and Rashad Evans.
- FTR (The Revival) debuted to attack The Butcher And The Blade after that had attacked The Young Bucks when they were alone after Matt Hardy helped an “injured” Marq Quen to the back.
- Britt Baker claims she will be back from injury leave for All Out.
Final Verdict: 2.9/5
This was the kind of show AEW should be avoiding (goofy comedy, too many brawls, short matches, too much talking, etc.), but Tony Khan can’t help himself. I can’t believe (yes I can) that we have another Dixie Carter in our midst, but here we f—— go.
