‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (March 24th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s AEW Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and no, I’m not prettier than Margot Robbie. On this episode of FBI, Chuck Conners guest stars as Nick Maylor, a career criminal whose plans to assassinate the new mayor of Houston, Texas, the African-American radio host-turned politician Victor Jones Namath, must be stopped before it’s too late. That didn’t sound too bad coming from a second-rate hand-jockey like me, but you’re just stuck with my AEW review instead. I bet you wish that FBI episode was up next, rather than this s—, don’t you? Well, not as much as I wish that I was getting paid to write that episode…$5000…(drooling). At least I have this TalkTech s— here to dictate whatever I write…except it won’t delete any of the dumb things I say (which is too often). Anyway let me go wipe my mouth off and we’ll get to it.
Match #1: Jake Hager defeated Joe Alonzo
My Opinion: 1.5 out of 5 – It was a squash. Do you really wanna hear about it? Alonzo is a cool name…AAAAAALLLLLLOOOONNNNZZZZZZOOOOOOOO.
Match #2: QT Marshall & Dustin Rhodes defeated Jon Cruz & Matt Sells
My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This was okay, with Rhodes looking the best out of everybody and that’s all there is to it. This was a bit less than five minutes, so you can expect WWF Sunday Night Heat frapped (it’s French) with 60 Minutes on mute.
Match #3: SCU defeated Shawn Spears & Robert Anthony
My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was pretty good for what it was, but I wish they’d do more with the “Spears Star Search” angle. The match had some good moves and this all went for about ten minutes or so. This match made me wanna pull a Mark Hogancamp and wear women’s shoes. Is that something to think about? Hey, this was alright.
Match #4: Kip Sabian defeated Suge D
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a fun little corker that kept the wine in the bottle long enough for it to make it to the glass. Kip is getting better with his persona and is getting closer to being some-thing of an attraction. Suge did well against Kip and was able to stand out, both in character and action. I thought this turned out well.
Match #5: Colt Cabana defeated Brandon Cutler
My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was fun. Colt is fitting in with AEW’s most bizarre so much so that he almost seems mundane…almost. Colt and Cutler were a good duo here, dancing the same dance at the same tempo, if you catch my drift. I liked it.
Match #6: (Main Event) Sonny Kiss & Joey Janela defeated Corey Hollis & Mike Reed
My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – Not much of a main event, but this was a solid way to give Kiss and Janela a victory. Both of the winners should be way farther into their AEW careers by now, but they have been booked so poorly it makes you wonder if Vince McMahon doesn’t secretly work for the Khan’s as a consultant. Well, at least they got booked at all. Over-all, there’s some nice wrestling in here, but it wasn’t enough to really make great use of any-one’s talent.
Final Verdict: 2.8/5
Not much happened here, but the right people won, so that’s better than nothing.
