‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (March 10th 2020)
Welcome to this week’s AEW Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have four more from The Elite and…KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!! Let’s get right into…before they take me away! Ha Ha! They’ve come to take me away! He He! They’ve come to take me away! Ho Ho! He He! Ha Ha! …to take me away to the Funny Farm!
Match #1: Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy) defeated Kip Sabian and Peter Avalon
My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was luchalicious! Yeah, suck on that Gore Vidal. Listen, there’s some good action here, like when Kip put the moves on Jungle Boy and the latter told the former that his dad just died and he wasn’t ready for love again and Kip said that he’d like to ass him a few questions…I forgot what I was saying. Any-way, there was plenty of good, simple tag wrestling here to lick a toad to.
Match #2: Jimmy Havoc defeated Severino Corrente
My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This needed to go a bit longer, but Havoc looked good here…like, vacuum cleaner good…totes. Oh God…not totes…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! What Valley Girl Hell have I awoken in?! Why?! WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! Severino…that sounds like a surgeon that moon-lights as a hockey player. Severino gets the puck from 89 and…oh no folks, Severino cuts 97’s head almost clean off….with a bone-saw. Bone-Saw is reaaaaaady! Havoc won and should have won, like Pat Sajak when he took the militant wing of the Girl Scouts to Rwanda…for revenge. All in all, this was not bad, but it ain’t no Virginia Woolfe/Woolf/Wolf/f—— spelling. Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolfe? I’m afraid of Virginia Woolfe, because I have to spell her name.
Match #3: Hikaru Shida defeated Abadon
My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Shida should have just wrestled Jimmy Havoc instead. I would have liked that match. Abadon…Had Abadon? It’s the Sith planet! Run Rey! Your grandpa, dad and uncle are the same guy! Take ET with you! Run ET, run! ET: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! There’s not much here to speak of, so blow me.
Match #4: (Main Event) Private Party defeated Sonny Kiss and Brandon Cutler
My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – Kiss’s big, plump ass made me feel like a fourth grader caught in the janitor’s closet butt-naked with the Lincoln Logs…all over again. I enjoyed this, mostly because this match got the most time and had some nice variety in the wrestling, but don’t go looking for the next great wrestling clinic to be built on this hallowed ground. Read that last bit of ego-fluffing in Chris Berman’s voice and it’ll be more exciting. Whop! This came and went without incident, like Harvey Weinstein when he said that Jennifer Aniston should be killed. Overall, this was a fun match .
News Of The Night:
- Death Triangle attacked the main eventers and Joey Janela/Best Friends with Orange Cassidy saved the day.
Final Verdict: 2.8/5
This was good, but nothing remarkable happened either.
