‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Dec 4th 2019)

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…Ok Cupid. Do you wanna date people you’ve never met? Ok Cupid. Do you wanna kiss people who are different than the picture? Ok Cupid. Do you wanna end up dead on the 6 o’clock news? Ok Cupid. Jean-Luc, don’t let them take you away from the Enterprise, because there…you can make a difference. Set phasers for…Match #1 and make it so.

Match #1: Dustin Rhodes & The Young Bucks defeated Proud and Powerful (Santana, Ortiz) & Sammy Guevara – Six-Man Tag Team Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Rhodes and Sammy G. began for their respective teams. Rhodes and the Bucks pulled off some great trios moves on the Spanish God. Rhodes was wearing neon tassels tonight, to match the Bucks’ ring gear. Rhodes hit a senton off the apron, Nick hit a corkscrew onto the floor, and Matt hit a cross body, which took out all three competitors from the opposing team! Proud & Powerful hit a running power bomb onto Matt Jackson into the corner turnbuckles, with Matt’s neck taking the brunt of the impact. After a stalling vertical suplex exchange, Matt superkicked Sammy to escape. Dustin Rhodes was tagged in and dished out power slams to Santana and Ortiz, and then one to Sammy. Rhodes followed up with a diving cross body on all three opponents, and then a Canadian destroyer on Santana! As the ref was distracted, Proud & Powerful hit Rhodes with a loaded sock. Sammy hit an explosive high-risk maneuver on Rhodes, who managed to kick out just in the nick of time! Nick Jackson was tagged in and gave a running bulldog to Sammy, with Matt hitting a blindside spear on the “Spanish God.” The action at this point was next level, with Sammy hitting the diamond kneedrop-powerbomb combo on Matt Jackson. Luckily Dustin Rhodes was there to break the three count! Sammy went for a shooting star press (while vlogging on his phone!) and landed right into stereo superkicks from the Bucks! Nick went to the top for a senton-powerpomb combo and it was enough for Matt Jackson to score the victory via pin fall for his team on Sammy Guevara! This match was tremendous!

My Opinion: 3.8 out of 5 – This was a strong opener that delivered around ten minutes of action that was highlighted by the man who once tried to get breast-implants to sell being a transvestite in the 90s. Don’t tell me I know how to write sentences, because you’d be wrong. Everybody worked very hard here and knocked this sucker so far out of the park that it got caught in an updraft and didn’t actually score a home run…but it was good though.

Match #2: Rey Fenix defeated Trent

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Rey Fenix quickly went for the spinning muscle buster to try to end this before Trent had any momentum, but Trent countered by attempting a dude-buster. It was a stalemate but it didn’t last long. Trent went to the top turnbuckle and had his legs kicked out from under him. Trent came crashing down on the back of his neck, and Rey nailed him with a brutal kick to the back of the head to capitalize. Fenix went for a high-risk attack on Trent, but he was caught with a dropkick, and then Trent hit him with a half and half! They went to the outside. Fenix whipped Trent into the guardrail, but Trent showed his fighting spirit and rushed right back with a spear on Fenix! Trent planted Fenix on the crown of his head with a DDT, but Fenix kicked out at two. Fenix showed fighting spirit of his own and ran the top rope and punted Trent. They traded chops on the ring apron. Fenix hit a diving footstomp, driving Trent’s head into the apron. Trent rallied back with a knee strike and then a stuffed piledriver on Fenix for a near fall. Fenix rolled thru for a cutter and then hit a spinning muscle buster on Trent for the pin!

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was a fine little match that had plenty of back-and-forth between two guys who would confound those ridiculous personality tests that have no scientific value. Do you like wearing masks? Freak! Do you like not using your last name? Loser! This was a very fun match that I ran out of things to say about.

Match #3: Nyla Rose defeated Leva Bates

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Nyla hit a driving knee to the side of Leva’s head from the top rope! Nyla went for the Beast Bomb but Peter Avalon ran in for the save. Nyla delivered double choke slams to Leva and Avalon. Nyla smashed Leva with the Beast Bomb for a quick and decisive victory! After the match, Nyla hit another Beast Bomb on Leva. Dr. Britt Baker watched in stunned silence from the front row. Shanna ran in with a cross body block from the top rope on Nyla, and then a superman elbow strike. Nyla caught Shanna and slammed her to the mat! Nyla powerbombed ref Rick Knox through a table, and then powerbombed Shanna on top of him!

My Opinion: 0.7 out of 5 – This was a terrible squash match that made both athletes look worse than when they came in. AEW is a true alternative to the WWE my ass.

Match #4: Kris Statlander defeated Hikaru Shida

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Statlander forced Shida to the mat with a collar and elbow takedown. Shida fired back with a forearm. Shida set up a steel chair on the outside and attempted the running knee launch but Statlander caught her, ramming her into the guardrail! Shida caught Statlander in an arm bar submission, but Statlander was able to force the ref break by reaching the ropes. Shida took Statlander to the top rope for a suplex and a two count. Shida was taken off her feet with a lariat, who then hit an electric chair and a scissors kick for a two count on her opponent. Shida fought back with a running knee, but Statlander hit the cradle tombstone, pinning Shida, the #1 contender, for a major upset victory!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Kris and Hikaru worked well together to make the right person win. Hey, they signed her out from under the WWE’s nose, so you gotta make the money worth spending.

Match #5: Pentagon defeated Christopher Daniels

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Daniels nailed Pentagon from the top as the Lucha Bro. was making his entrance. Daniels attempted to piledrive Pentagon on the ramp, but Pentagon back dropped Daniels and then hit a superkick! Daniels speared Pentagon and pounded him with strikes. Pentagon kicked out the leg of Daniels, and then landed on Daniels with the footstomp off the top rope. Pentagon kicked Daniels in the back of the head, and then connected with another superkick on “the Fallen Angel.” Daniels tried to fight back, but Penta kept attacking Daniels’ leg. Daniels managed to rally back, and tossed Pentagon with a suplex and then the blue thunder bomb for the two count! Penta hit the sling blade on Daniels for a near fall. Pentagon hit the backstabber. Daniels avoided a destroyer on the ramp and then used a single leg dropkick to stop Pentagon in his tracks. Daniels used Angel’s Wings on Pentagon, but Rey Fenix, who threw Daniels’ mic stand into the ring, distracted the ref. The referee grabbed the mic stand, and while he was doing so, Pentagon kicked Daniels in the groin. Pentagon finished off Daniels with the package piledriver for the pin.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – While sloppy, this was fun and provided the beginning of a good feud between these two. Pentagon winning was the right way to go, but I hope that Daniels does get his victory over Pentagon, if only to provide closure for this angle.

Match #6: (Main Event) John Moxley defeated Joey Janela

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Moxley grappled Janela to the mat with a side headlock takeover. The two began to exchange chops, with Moxley resorting to a big head-butt. Janela kicked Mox in the mush, and then hit a diving ax handle to the outside. Moxley wasn’t down for long, turning Janela inside out with a devastating clothesline! Moxley dropped an elbow on Janela in the ring, and then began stretching him. The two competitors brawled to the outside. Moxley went for the Paradigm Shift, but Janela countered with a swinging DDT onto the ramp way. Janela hit a tope suicida on Moxley! Janela countered an avalanche Paradigm Shift, and then hit a superkick on Moxley. Janela snapped Moxley back with a suplex into the corner. Janela crashed onto Moxley, putting him through the timekeeper’s table on the outside, and then a elbow drop for a two count! Moxley popped up and hit the Paradigm Shift onto the top turnbuckle, and then another epic Paradigm Shift on Janela to score the victory!

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – Cut off just when it was getting good, this match managed to do really well at less than ten minutes. These two have plenty of chemistry together, so why not let them fight for more than the amount of time it takes me to crap my pants in space. Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is a decent show, only because Rachel Brosnahan is adorable saying mean things to people who deserve it (the rest of the show sucks). This whole show was like Mrs. Maisel tonight. At least Moxley looked like he could kill any of us at any time and not care.

News Of The Night:

1. Chris Jericho fights Jungle Boy for the AEW World Title on December 18th.
2. Brandi Rhodes and Awesome Kong are “The Nightmare Collective,” an extension of “The Nightmare Family”, and they got a “fan” to join their faction after Kris Statlander chose not to join the faction herself.
3. 3ark Order did another vignette.
4. Cody Rhodes said that Butcher And The Blade could pick a partner for him if they were willing to wrestle him.
5. Cody Rhodes said he will give just about anything to get MJF to fight him.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

This felt like the Cliff-Notes version of what AEW is supposed to be, rather than an episode of Dynamite. I thought AEW was going to have cards filled with long matches, not nine minutes of solid action that has a commercial half way through each bout?