‘WWE Crown Jewel 2019’ PPV Review

Welcome to this review of WWE Crown Jewel 2019, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have some celebrities, a tag team mega match and a brand new submariiiiiiiiiiiiiine! Let’s see if this show breaks the curse of bad shows from Saudi Arabia or not/AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! That’s not good…but Seals and Croft is.

Match #1: Winner: Humberto Carrillo – 20-Man Battle Royal For The U.S. Championship Title Shot (Kickoff Match)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Exciting Raw newcomer Humberto Carrillo simultaneously won the biggest match of his career and seized his greatest opportunity in the WWE Crown Jewel Kickoff, where he triumphed in a 20-Man Battle Royal to earn a United States Championship bout against AJ Styles at the same event. The action came fast and furious throughout the over-the-top-rope melee, with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan securing the bulk of the eliminations. Following a surprise 24/7 Championship change at ringside, when R-Truth pinned Sunil Singh with a quick roll-up to reclaim his coveted title, the allied behemoths pummeled Carrillo, seeking to ground the aerialist and end his journey to the United States Title in painful fashion. However, amid the chaos, Rowan suddenly ended the alliance and eliminated Harper. Carrillo capitalized by forcing the massive Rowan over the top rope to set himself on a collision course with The Phenomenal One. After coming to Raw in the 2019 WWE Draft, Carrillo has dazzled the WWE Universe with his high-flying abilities and eye-popping athleticism, but he’s quickly made himself an enemy of The O.C., namely its leader. With an attention-grabbing victory in the WWE Crown Jewel Kickoff, the Mexican sensation earned a chance to force Styles to prove just how “phenomenal” he truly is in a title confrontation later in the night.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This wasn’t much of a match, but a talented guy earned the victory and the title match, so that’s cool. My butt whistles when I sleep. Carrillo rules.

Match #2: Brock Lesnar def. Cain Velasquez – WWE World Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In a match nine years in the making, WWE Champion Brock Lesnar defeated Cain Velasquez in the latter’s WWE debut, retaining his title and avenging the UFC heavyweight title loss that sent The Beast into MMA exile and left him with a small but distinctive scar beneath his left eye. This was, for all Paul Heyman’s pre-match posturing, no guarantee. Velasquez is the one man who could conceivably live comfortably in Lesnar’s head, the UFC victory hanging like an unspoken albatross on The Conqueror’s neck for the better part of 10 years. To say Brock is afraid of the former cage-fighting champion might be a stretch, but he certainly wasn’t looking past him. And given that Velasquez (who made an arcane bit of history as the first Superstar to debut in a WWE Title Match) looked more than comfortable once the bell rang on their Crown Jewel match, it wasn’t a stretch to look at The Beast Incarnate as an unlikely underdog, both mentally and physically. In fact, Lesnar — perhaps still seeing some ghosts from the last time he squared up with Velasquez — spent the early goings largely on defense, dodging or in some cases absorbing a series of kicks and strikes that eventually took the champion off his feet. Cain pounced on the downed champion and began to rain blows, but Lesnar answered quickly, wrenching Velasquez’s arm into a Kimura Lock that forced the newcomer to submit.

The Beast didn’t necessarily go out on a high note, though, as Rey Mysterio — a Lesnar rival who accompanied Velasquez to the ring — rushed the squared circle with a steel chair to force Lesnar to break the lock when he initially refused to do so after the match. While The Beast tossed Mysterio aside long enough to drop Velasquez with an F-5 onto a chair, Mysterio quickly roared back with another chair in hand, swinging wildly at Lesnar, drilling him several times and forcing him into retreat. So Lesnar gets his vengeance and perhaps exorcises some demons, though it might be a stretch to say the rivalry ends at one apiece. If there’s anything we learned from this whole episode, it’s that Brock Lesnar and Cain Velasquez might be destined to dance forever. There is no one without the other, and there is no end in sight. For that matter, the issues between The Beast and The Master of the 619 seem far from settled as well.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This wasn’t much of a match (SQUASH!), but they were booked to be even in terms of power (each man has dominated a victory), so the rubber match is the real test of whether Cain made the right decision with going to the WWE. As far as this match goes, Cain deserved better, but at least this happened at all.

Match #3: Winner: The O.C. – Tag Team Turmoil Match For The WWE Tag Team World Cup

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson can call themselves many things: multi-time tag team champions around the world, members of The O.C., a couple of good brothers. But at WWE Crown Jewel, they added their biggest accolade yet: Tag Team World Cup winners and the right to call themselves the best tag team in the world. The O.C. emerged victorious from the Tag Team Turmoil Match, last defeating Raw Tag Team Champions The Viking Raiders to earn this huge distinction. The battle started out with former Raw Tag Team Champions Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode squaring off with Lucha House Party’s Lince Dorado & Gran Metalik. The luchadors put up a strong fight against Roode & Ziggler, but a Glorious DDT on Metalik saw the party come to an end. Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins entered the fray next and put Roode & Ziggler on the ropes, only for a Zig Zag to lead to their early exit from the bout. Roode & Ziggler then ran into a brick wall in the form of Heavy Machinery. Despite doing everything in their power to escape it, there was no stopping Otis & Tucker from crushing Roode with the Compactor to stay in the bout. Heavy Machinery then faced a tough test in six-time Tag Team Champions The New Day. Otis & Tucker impressed the WWE Universe with shows of surprising athleticism and power, but experience proved to be the difference, as Big E & Kofi Kingston advanced after hitting Tucker with the Midnight Hour. The New Day remained in the match after dispatching The B-Team. Up next in Tag Team Turmoil was a preview of Friday Night SmackDown, as SmackDown Tag Team Champions The Revival took on Big E & Kingston. The New Day stunned the champions and eliminated them, sending Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder into a rage. The Revival ruthlessly attacked The New Day, hitting Kingston with a Shatter Machine, softening them up for their next opponents (and Friday’s title bout). The O.C. were next up, and they took full advantage of The Revival’s actions, quickly eliminating The New Day with a Magic Killer on Kingston. The final team in Tag Team Turmoil – Raw Tag Team Champions The Viking Raiders – would not be as easily dispatched. Erik & Ivar overpowered Gallows & Anderson and looked to be on the way to victory, but The O.C. targeted Erik’s knee, weakening it enough to give them an opening to connect with the Magic Killer and win the WWE Tag Team World Cup. Not only can they call themselves the best tag team in the world, but The O.C. also pinned the reigning Raw Tag Team Champions. After their huge win at Crown Jewel, could Gallows & Anderson be looking to add a third reign as Raw Tag Team Champions in the near future?

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – In The Navy! You can kiss another man! In The Navy! You can piss off your girlfriend! In The Navy! You can make your wedding day weird! In The Navy! In The Navy! This match didn’t have much in it, but at least a great team won. In The Navy! You can pack fudge with Harvey Fierstein! In The Navy! In The Navy!

Match #4: Mansoor def. Cesaro

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Mansoor is making a habit out of shocking the world. WWE’s first Saudi Arabian-born Superstar added another chapter to his growing underdog story in front of his native country at WWE Crown Jewel, knocking off Cesaro in their first one-on-one encounter. Mansoor had previously introduced himself to the WWE Universe in a big way the last time he competed in Saudi Arabia, outlasting 50 other Superstars to win the largest Battle Royal in WWE history at Super ShowDown this past June. The plucky underdog stared down a different kind of challenge this time around, facing the veteran Cesaro, who entered the bout not lacking for motivation after being eliminated by Mansoor en route to his Super ShowDown victory. The Swiss Cyborg’s nearly two decades of squared circle experience figured to perhaps be the bout’s biggest difference-maker, but the early goings featured the less-seasoned Mansoor overwhelming Cesaro with a fierce attack, as Mansoor’s home crowd roared in approval. After seizing the advantage by turning Mansoor’s tope suicida attempt into a jaw-crushing European uppercut, Cesaro displayed his esteemed acumen. However, the match quickly turned into a back-and-forth classic. Drawing energy and strength from his fellow countrymen, Mansoor showcased a variety of offense that included a diving senton over the top rope, tornado DDT, slingshot neckbreaker and a crisp superkick that nearly ended the match. Mansoor’s counter of Cesaro’s bid for a second top-rope, gut-wrench slam into a powerbomb created an opportunity for the underdog. Mansoor seized the moment, connecting with a soaring moonsault and following with the pinfall to send King Fahd International Stadium into a frenzy. Though it’s not clear what’s to follow in his rapidly rising career, an emotional Mansoor said afterward during an in-ring interview, “This may have been the most important victory in my life. But I cannot wait for what we do next.”

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – Now this was a match worth talking about. Mansoor worked his ass off to make Cesaro’s performance worth the time it took to make the effort. The crowd was into this sucker the whole time and it felt like a big time fight. Mission accomplished…Mr. Hunt. What a stupid joke to put in here. If I had a delete button, I’d use it. Anyway, I just ruined perfectly fine review and I’m gonna go lick some tears off a clown for $50 bucks. Wanna watch?

Match #5: Samir Singh def. R-Truth – 24/7 Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

WWE Crown Jewel saw epic title confrontations pitting WWE Champion Brock Lesnar against Cain Velasquez, Universal Champion Seth Rollins against “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt and United States Champion AJ Styles against Humberto Carrillo. But another title that was hotly contested in Riyadh was the 24/7 Championship, which changed hands twice during the event. After R-Truth surprised Sunil Singh to win the title with a roll-up at ringside during the 20-Man Battle Royal — part of the WWE Crown Jewel Kickoff — The Singh Brothers couldn’t wait to bring the title back to Bollywood. Backstage, Sunil’s brother Samir pinned the 21-time champion when Truth’s apparent “escape plan” backfired, as he ran straight into a door and fell to the floor. But as is the case with all 24/7 Champions, there’s no time to celebrate, as The Singh Brothers must now evade a horde of voracious Superstars to keep the prize in their possession. Make like Samir and keep your head on a swivel, because the 24/7 Title can change any day, at any time and on any platform.

My Opinion: 0 out of 5 – This is actually encapsulating two matches on this show, which collectively describes R-Truth and Singh trading the 24/7 Title a few times. Any-way, this sucked. No wrestling and sudden pin-falls make me think of Mixed Match Challenge. At least they didn’t dance. That $#!@ pissed me off.

Match #6: Tyson Fury def. Braun Strowman

My Opinion: 1.2 out of 5 – This wasn’t very much, but at least Mucinex will clear up your sinuses…unless you’re a punk b—h. Fury wasn’t very good, which doesn’t go well with Braun’s lazy approach to wrestling. Too bad they didn’t make out. Can you imagine the Saudi government throwing a fit about that? The Atlanta Rhythm Section would have made out with their “Imaginary Lover”, because they’re not chump-ass losers. Suck face!

Match #7: AJ Styles def. Humberto Carrillo – WWE United States Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Humberto Carrillo emerged victorious in a Battle Royal earlier in the night to earn a United States Championship opportunity against AJ Styles at Crown Jewel. Though he put up another valiant effort, The Phenomenal One turned back the challenge of the Raw newcomer to retain his title, capping off an incredible night for The O.C. Styles, the wily veteran, pounced on Carrillo right from the bell, looking to punish his opponent and end the title match before it could even get going. However, Carrillo showed off his impressive resilience, fighting back and staggering the United States Champion with his dazzling lucha libre-style offense, including a breathtaking twisting body press to the arena floor. The champion became frustrated as the bout wore on, furious that Carrillo would not stay down, even after a dizzying array of strikes. Eventually, though, Styles found a target to weaken his challenger, setting his sights on Carrillo’s knee. The challenger escaped a Calf Crusher and attempted to connect with his trademark moonsault, but when Styles rolled out of the way, Carrillo landed on his feet, jamming up his seemingly injured knee. That was the opening Styles needed to connect with the Phenomenal Forearm and pick up the victory.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This wasn’t quite as exciting as I was hoping for, but at least they made it into a good showing for both of them. Ryan Gosling is very pretty. What?! He is! Styles remains one of the very best and made the match feel like it should. The Rescuers depresses the hell out of me. Poor little mice…don’t have any pants. Ain’t got no pantsy-wantsies! Overall, I can’t remember what I was supposed to be talking about, but this was a good match.

Match #8: Natalya def. Lacey Evans

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Natalya and Lacey Evans will forever be linked in the story of WWE’s Women’s Evolution after competing in the first-ever women’s match in Saudi Arabia, but The Queen of Harts ensured her place in the win column. Both took a major pioneering step at WWE Crown Jewel, but Natalya remained a step ahead of Evans in their rivalry’s latest and most historic installment. Though she was visibly overcome by the magnitude of the moment during her entrance, it was old hat for Natalya after the bell rang. After waging war regularly in recent months on Raw — most notably in a chaotic Last Woman Standing Match — the foes showed their intimate familiarity with each other’s repertoires, regularly anticipating the other’s next move and trading reversals. The Sassy Southern Belle eventually gained a firm advantage and wore down her opponent with attacks focused on Natalya’s left arm. Evans later took the crowd’s breath away with her signature step-up, springboard moonsault — one of many moments that elicited a “This is awesome” chant from the jam-packed crowd at King Fahd International Stadium. But the Hart Dungeon’s lone female graduate later rallied to hit a discus lariat and lock The Lady of WWE in the vaunted Sharpshooter with no recourse but to tap out in the middle of the ring. Natalya gave herself over to her emotions following the final bell and shared the overwhelming moment with Evans, raising her combatant’s hand and creating an indelible memory in the history of sports-entertainment that won’t soon be forgotten.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – At the Dawn Of Man, came The Wheel. In 1977, came Dean Friedman’s “Ariel”. In 2019, the WWE had the first Women’s Match in Saudi Arabian history. I mean, the match sucked, but the history has been made. Let’s get $#!@-faced on Scotch brownies!

Match #9: Team Hogan def. Team Flair

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

In the latest chapter of the rivalry between WWE Hall of Famers Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, The Hulkster earned bragging rights, as Hogan’s team of Roman Reigns, Rusev, Ricochet, Ali & Shorty G bested Ric Flair’s squad of Randy Orton, Drew McIntyre, Bobby Lashley, Intercontinental Champion Shinsuke Nakamura & King Corbin at WWE Crown Jewel. Shorty G and Ali started off the bout for Team Hogan, using their quickness to stay one step ahead of King Corbin and putting Team Flair on the back foot in the early goings of the match. However, Rusev’s furious determination to get his hands on Lashley gave Team Flair an opening to take control of the bout. McIntyre did just that, wearing down Ali, grounding the high-flying Superstar and slowing the match to a pace more his liking. However, Ali made it back to his corner and tagged Ricochet into the bout. Ricochet launched into the battle, using his incredible aerial arsenal to try and turn the tides back in Team Hogan’s favor. The sheer power of Team Flair prevented that from happening, as “The Nature Boy’s” squad isolated Ricochet, and Team Hogan appeared to be in dire straits. Ricochet refused to give in and fought his way out of Team Flair’s corner back to his side of the ring to tag in The Big Dog. Reigns went on a tear, going after every member of Team Flair singlehandedly, capping off his torrent of offense with a leg drop, paying homage to The Hulkster. Eventually, any semblance of order went out the window, as all members of both teams engaged in an all-out melee. Rusev finally got a few goods punches in on Lashley, and the massive brawl spilled to ringside, where Reigns took flight over the top rope and landed on the mass of Superstars. Back in the ring, Reigns nearly had Orton finished until The Viper struck by countering a Superman Punch with a thunderous RKO. Reigns kicked out, and Team Hogan came together for one last stand. Shorty G prevented Orton from punting The Big Dog’s head off, while Ali and Ricochet neutralized McIntyre and Lashley with dives to the outside. That bought Reigns enough time to drop The Apex Predator with a ring-rocking Spear and seal the victory for Team Hogan, bringing the latest chapter in one of sports-entertainment’s most legendary rivalries to a close.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was good fun. Hogan and Flair rubbed off that star power onto the two teams and it worked. There was plenty of action and excitement, even if the match was never any-thing more than that. Screw it. Diana Ross’s version of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” takes its sweet-ass time to get to the good part. Pisses me off. This match did get right to the point though, so suck it Diana Ross.

Match #10: (Main Event) Bray Wyatt def. Seth Rollins – Falls Count Anywhere Match For The WWE Universal Championship

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Seth Rollins said he needed his Universal Title rivalry with “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt to end, one way or another. He got his wish, though not in the way he might have anticipated. The nightmarish Wyatt is now Universal Champion, having been plunged through steel, canvas and fire to defeat The Beastslayer and take the Universal Title into his horrid possession on Friday Night SmackDown. The rule that the match could not be stopped for any reason — a response following the controversy that dogged the pair’s first meeting inside Hell in a Cell — ended up being much more of a hindrance than help for Rollins. Despite having long since revealed he would break every rule and shred every ounce of his soul to put Wyatt down, the challenger made it equally clear in the first match that there was little that could make his challenger stay down. So it went in Round Two as well, with Rollins subjecting Wyatt to seven Stomps, superkicks beyond counting and chairs to every ounce of Wyatt’s body that he could set his sights on. Wyatt, of course, either shrugged off The Beastslayer’s attacks or simply popped up to his feet after some of the Stomps before Seth could even make the cover. He even turned Rollins’ own designs against him, like when he sent the champion flying backward from the top turnbuckle through a tower of tables at ringside that The Architect had set up. As Rollins began to unload Stomps at the top of the stage, it seemed like Wyatt had finally been slowed down, at least. Then he was sent tumbling off the stage and into a production area that exploded with sparks and flames, seemingly engulfing Wyatt and spelling the end of the match. Which, of course, it wasn’t. This one couldn’t be stopped for any reason, and if it could have been, maybe Rollins wouldn’t have had to retrieve Wyatt and accidentally set off another blast of sparks that hit him right in the face, seemingly blinding him. Maybe then, he would have been ready for when Wyatt rose out of the smoke and made his move, locking Rollins in the Mandible Claw before finally dropping the depleted champion with Sister Abigail to pin him on the arena floor and win the title. And it’s safe to say, despite the macabre result, that everyone involved got what they wanted. Wyatt lays his hands on the ultimate goal of his grand reinvention. The WWE Universe got to see this grisly rivalry play out to its conclusion. And Rollins got the end he wanted, even if it landed somewhere between a defeat and an act of mercy.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a gutsy spectacle that made Paul Simon look like a scrawny chump. Sing your way out of this one, dink. Seth and Bray went for some really dangerous stuff and it looked great. The idea here was that Bray has become some sort of invulnerable monster. I don’t like that idea, but I also don’t like base-ball cards. Sammy Sosa…what!? The stupid red light thing was back, but at least this all led to the right winner…even if it is a month late. Ann Peebles said “I Can’t Stand The Rain”, but would she like this match? How the hell would I know?! I’ve never met her! Okay, this was good and had the right ending, so that’s a good one in my book, pilgrim.

News Of The Night:

1. NXT will be a part of Survivor Series.

Final Verdict: 2.9/5

Mansoor/Cesaro, the history with the women and the main event made this good, but for a show of this size, good just isn’t good enough. Also, the whole blood money thing does take some of the fun out of it, but at least the Saudi people get some-thing fun to do.