29th Oct2019

WWE Raw – Oct 28th 2019: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Orson Welles screwed the aliens from “The War Of The Worlds”. Those little green geeks looked like Edward Norton drenched in Nickelodeon slime. We’re at the point where Crown Jewel is just a few days away and I care, but not too much. It should be pretty good, but the whole “blood money” thing just makes it so depressing. Like a pre-schooler who thinks music sucks, we’ve got diapers to change, because they’re raw…Monday Night Raw!

2018-raw-logo

Match #1: Becky Lynch def. Kairi Sane

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Did Becky Lynch storm the ring to drive off The Kabuki Warriors out of some kind of affinity to Paige? Debatable. What is for sure is that the Raw Women’s Champion has been on the wrong end of Asuka & Kairi Sane’s tactics before, and she isn’t the kind to forgive or forget. So, Kairi Sane should have seen her defeat coming in a sense, though The Pirate Princess gave The Man all sorts of fits before the Irish brawler capsized her in the closing moments. In fact, Sane proved as dangerous a foe for Lynch as her partner Asuka has. Sane mangled The Man across the ring with unorthodox strikes and even locked in her torturous Anchor submission for a spell. But with The Pirate Princess struggling to finish the job, Asuka attempted to run interference and inadvertently reversed her partner’s fortunes. Lynch sent Asuka scrambling and quickly ensnared Sane in the Dis-arm-her, securing a submission victory that she gleefully supplanted with some post-match trash talk. All in all, it was a much-needed bit of retaliation for The Man against a promising young Superstar, though the look on Asuka’s face suggested there might yet be some unfinished business.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was really good. With an excellent amount of time for these two to whoop each other’s asses, this was a match for people who would ditch the “Chicken Soup For The Soul” in favor of a beer at a strip club. Mean, nasty and packed full of cement, this match hits you like a ton of bricks shoved in a wool sock. Damn good stuff.

Match #2: Buddy Murphy def. R-Truth

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

R-Truth was thiiiiiis close to a big win in the non-24/7 division on Monday, having pinned the mega-talented Buddy Murphy into an unexpected corner during a match born of late-afternoon Twitter beef between the two. But Truth’s precious “baby” came calling his name in the middle of the match when the 24/7 mob chased new champion Sunil Singh into the building. Truth took his eye off the ball and ill-advisedly joined the pursuit, only to run into a lights-out knee from Murphy that was more than enough to drop him for three. Give the man points for tenacity though: Unwilling to let a little thing like a knee to the face stop him, Truth staggered to his feet, gathered whatever bearings remained to him, and stumbled off in the distance, in pursuit of his beloved 24/7 Title once more.

My Opinion: 1.8 out of 5 – This was waaaaaaay too short for two people as talented as these guys. John Grisham’s “Pippi Longstocking…With A Shot-Gun!” Don’t you wanna see that? “American History X” with Pauly Shore. C’mon….you wanna see that. Oh, this was a squash…more or less. Hilary Duff used to nail Donald Duck.

Match #3: Ricochet def. Drew McIntyre (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ricochet battled Drew McIntyre in a rematch this week on Raw — fought him nearly to the last breath, in fact — but there were bigger forces at play. With Hulk Hogan cheering Ricochet from ringside and Ric Flair hyping up Drew McIntyre, the bout was clearly about which legend’s team would gain the last bit of wind in its sails before WWE Crown Jewel. And for all the outstanding efforts by either Superstar, the last word belonged to an unannounced ringer from “The Nature Boy’s” squad. The intruder in question turned out to be Randy Orton, who struck Ricochet with an RKO out of nowhere down the stretch. The maneuver technically netted the high-flyer a disqualification win, though Team Flair seemed more than happy to eat the ruling in favor of making a statement. If you’re a Team Hogan supporter, it was an ominous sign. Thursday is going to be a team day, and in the last burst to the big fight, only one team seemed to realize that.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – Here we go. Good $#!@. Do this more often. Ricochet and DM beat the piss out of each other faster than Tonto whizzed on his loin-cloth when The Lone Ranger wouldn’t stop at the restroom. Like Die Hard 2, this was great fun and worth the time.

Match #4: The Viking Raiders def. The Chicago Cubs

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Viking Raiders disposed of a pair of former Raw Tag Team Champions last week. This week, they got their hands on some former World Series winners. Okay, so Erik & Ivar didn’t actually face the Chicago Cubs. But they did face a team who called themselves Rizzo & Bryant, a.k.a. “The Chicago Cubs,” and it was a home run, a grand slam, a blowout — pick your baseball metaphor; all are applicable, and all are correct. In short, the Raiders demolished their foes, even breaking out a unique two-for-one, powerbomb/powerslam combo before administering the Viking Experience. Going, going, gone.

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – As squashes go, this went over well enough. I always knew the Cubs were losers. Can’t hit the ball more than once a year and they’re constantly licking their feet. Stupid sport anyway. What kind of a man wants to play with balls all day? What kind of man sits down with balls between his legs and touches them for hours on end? Well, at least the NFL beat the hell out of the MLB.

Match #5: Andrade def. Sin Cara

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Defeating Andrade seems like a simple formula on paper: As long as Zelina Vega is equalized and you have the former NXT Champion to yourself, you have a chance. At least, that’s what Sin Cara was banking on when he brought a masked luchadora named Carolina to ringside for his rematch with Andrade, clearly hoping to neutralize La Muñeca’s presence and avoid a repeat of last week’s result. Unfortunately, it still wasn’t enough. Even though Carolina countered Zelina’s signature hurricanrana with a brutal powerbomb swing into the barricade, Andrade pounced on the distracted Sin Cara with a roll-up (with his feet on the ropes) to secure the pin. Points to Carolina for a strong first impression, but if you keep your focus on Andrade, you have to deal with Zelina Vega. If you keep your focus on Vega, you have to deal with Andrade. It’s a simple problem, alright. It’s just the solution that is proving more elusive by the second.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was over far too quickly. Didn’t I just say that? Damn it. Why couldn’t this get the full length of time? Who’s leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here? The Avengers are losers. I would’ve just sued Thanos into oblivion. Who am I kidding? This was fun while it lasted, but since it didn’t last long, the fun wasn’t much more than a bowl of dingleberry soup….which is still good in a nutty sort of way.

Match #6: Charlotte Flair & Natalya def. The IIconics

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

With The Kabuki Warriors headed to NXT this week to defend their titles against Tegan Nox & Dakota Kai, the Raw Women’s division is wide open for any tandems that might eventually stand against the champions. The early leader is, surprisingly, not former titleholders The IIconics, but Charlotte Flair & Natalya, two second-generation Superstars whose legendary clash helped ignite the first spark of the Women’s Evolution. Despite having never teamed together, Charlotte and Natalya seemed like they’d been doing it for their entire careers, efficiently cutting the ring in half and isolating Billie Kay from her partner, Peyton Royce. With Billie preoccupied by Charlotte, Natalya applied the Sharpshooter, and The Queen thwarted Peyton’s last-second interference with a spear, helping Natalya secure the submission win. You know, they’re pretty good at this. Maybe they’ll do it again.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – Charlotte and Natalya made a good team. Maybe this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship? Casablanca? Bogart? Here’s looking at you kid? Play it again, Sam? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you’re gonna get on that plane and…I hate that movie. Stupid hats. The match wasn’t all that much, but our new team won the match and did so with enough moxy to make their case for being worth the booking.

Match #7: Seth Rollins def. Erick Rowan – Falls Count Anywhere Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Whether Seth Rollins can handle the psychological test that “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt presents in a Falls Count Anywhere Match remains to be seen. But at the very least, we know that the Universal Champion can handle the legwork, having dispatched Erick Rowan — a Wyatt disciple long ago and far away — under the same stipulation on Raw. That isn’t to say, however, that Rowan was merely a dry run for The Beastslayer’s bout at WWE Crown Jewel. Rowan is a nightmare all to himself, and given that he had it in his head that Rollins was trying to “embarrass” him, the big man both subjected the champion to a world of hurt and kicked out of a Stomp on top of the commentary table. As always, Rollins rose to the occasion, digging into both his creativity and his savagery when he brawled Rowan behind the curtain and pinned him beneath the bed of a forklift after a second Stomp onto a ladder. (Shades of Mick Foley, to be sure.) It’s not Wyatt. But it’s something. And historically, that’s all Seth Rollins has needed.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a fine brawl that went for a good chunk and took it out of Vince’s ass. There’s some pretty creative stuff here and that’s enough to make William H. Macy grow a foot taller so he can reach the milk at the grocery store. Actually, that’s a problem I have too. I have to stand on a crate and everything. Seth managed not to say anything offensive or dumb, so this match got to stick the landing. Rowan looked good here too. Overall, this made me happy.

Match #8: (Main Event) AJ Styles def. Humberto Carrillo

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

It’s a good time to be Humberto Carrillo, at least to a point: Sure, the former 205 Live stalwart hasn’t won a match on Raw, technically, but he’s gone the distance with Universal Champion Seth Rollins and, tonight, United States Champion AJ Styles. And even if you don’t think hanging with those two is a victory in and of itself, consider this: Carrillo’s been on Raw two weeks, and he’s already got two friends to his name: The Street Profits. Yes, Montez Ford & Angelo Dawkins are paying it forward following Kevin Owens’ assist against The O.C. last week, coming to Humberto’s aid after the good brothers jumped him at the end of a very long, very impressive effort against The Phenomenal One that narrowly ended in defeat. (Styles kicked out of Carrillo’s Aztec Press and eventually applied the Calf Crusher for the win.) Styles did manage to plant Carrillo with a Styles Clash — after rescinding his post-match handshake, no less — but Ford & Dawkins emphatically rescued Carrillo from a Magic Killer, sending The O.C. from the ring with the message that there’s still plenty of smoke to go around, should they want it.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was good for the shorter time limit, but I wish that Carrillo could have looked stronger here, especially against a guy who typically puts over people like crazy. The action was a bit of everything and it was all done quite well.

News Of The Night:

  1. The Kabuki Warriors betrayed Paige by misting her.
  2. Lana said she wants to divorce Rusev, because Bobby Lashley said Rusev was cheating on her.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

I’m giving this a decent review, because there were several longer matches of higher quality and that out-weighs any of the bad booking decisions (Randy Orton run-in, Humberto Carrillo made to look feeble, Paige looked stupid, etc.).

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